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Sleepyem
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Default Jul 13, 2019 at 10:12 AM
  #1
Hey guys,

I’m new here, I’ve been living in the city for 6 months it doesn’t feel right I find it difficult to care about people and they seam so wanting I keep asking myself if there something wrong I’ve recently been through a bereavement from suicide I used to be so emotional and loving caring etc, can you really appreciate people when your so over saturated by them? I find myself constantly fantasising of being alone and quietness and things being natural and nobody trying or having something to prove it’s so stifling
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Smile Jul 14, 2019 at 03:03 PM
  #2
Hello Sleepyem: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you are having a difficult time adjusting to life in the city. I can relate to that. I grew up in & around small towns. But I've now lived in a large metropolitan area for the past... oh... 25 years or so. And, while I'm adjusted to it now, it took a while. I still miss the quiet & solitude of a rural area though.

You mentioned having recently been through a bereavement from suicide. Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that offer suggestions for coping with grief & loss. The second article, by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. provides links to additional articles on the subject of grief & loss. The third article is one of which I myself am especially fond:

Coping In The Aftermath of Suicide | Healing Together for Couples

Coping with Grief | Psych Central

What My Dog Taught Me about Grief and Loss

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Default Jul 28, 2019 at 05:34 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Sleepyem View Post
I find myself constantly fantasising of being alone and quietness and things being natural and nobody trying or having something to prove it’s so stifling
I feel the same and I am NOT in a city. I am truly starting to worry that perhaps there are just too many people in the world. And without a massive war or something we will soon overwhelm each other.

I feel like it is really noticeable when you read fiction from the 1800s to 1900s. All those people seemed to ever care about is meeting new people. It was such a great thing just to meet anyone else... you would probably marry them. But today people are everyplace and they are just terrible. I am starting to think they are terrible because they too secretly want to be alone.
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Default Aug 04, 2019 at 08:28 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I feel the same and I am NOT in a city. I am truly starting to worry that perhaps there are just too many people in the world. And without a massive war or something we will soon overwhelm each other.

I feel like it is really noticeable when you read fiction from the 1800s to 1900s. All those people seemed to ever care about is meeting new people. It was such a great thing just to meet anyone else... you would probably marry them. But today people are everyplace and they are just terrible. I am starting to think they are terrible because they too secretly want to be alone.
I never thought about them that way before, but what you said makes sense to me. I live in a huge city and just going grocery shopping can feel overwhelming to me. I went to a smaller store in a different neighborhood the other day and the atmosphere was very different. Everybody ignoring everybody else, but at least there weren't so many of us ignoring each other.
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Default Aug 04, 2019 at 12:06 PM
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I never thought about them that way before, but what you said makes sense to me.
I work in a big city and the transit system I think turns us all against each other. They make it so there are not enough trains and ability to get to your job and it starts to feel like survival. By the end of the day fighting with the smallest of rude behavior all day long it makes people NOT want to be with others.

While I bet in a very isolated place people just long for others.

In the 1800s manners was also a massive thing, because if you were fortunate enough to find another human, you wanted to do all you could not to offend them. But now, manners are out the window because honestly, you DO want to offend them. Someone takes up 4 places on the subway because he wants the space. People push in when there is no room because they are tired of waiting for others to move in.

I truly think there are too many people and I truly think that what government is not telling you is that SOME DAY, unless there is a big war or pandemic, we are going to overwhelm each other or the planet or both. I just hope that day doesn't happen in my life time.

ETA: I also believe that these gun killings are a symptom of too many people. It may be connected to mental illness to but until you have spent a day with too many people acting poorly you don't know how it feels.

Last edited by Anonymous45521; Aug 04, 2019 at 12:26 PM..
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Default Aug 06, 2019 at 06:51 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I feel the same and I am NOT in a city. I am truly starting to worry that perhaps there are just too many people in the world. And without a massive war or something we will soon overwhelm each other.

I feel like it is really noticeable when you read fiction from the 1800s to 1900s. All those people seemed to ever care about is meeting new people. It was such a great thing just to meet anyone else... you would probably marry them. But today people are everyplace and they are just terrible. I am starting to think they are terrible because they too secretly want to be alone.
This what's happened when we decided to settle. We are not meant to settle in villages and cities. It's not our nature. We are hunters-gatherers. Cave men and women who lived in small closely related and egalitarian groups for 10000s of years. The modern society is destroying our nature. People have become more like robots than humans.
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 05:52 AM
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This what's happened when we decided to settle. We are not meant to settle in villages and cities. It's not our nature. We are hunters-gatherers. Cave men and women who lived in small closely related and egalitarian groups for 10000s of years. The modern society is destroying our nature. People have become more like robots than humans.
There seems to be a big "nomad" community on you tube. I have mentioned people who live in their cars but there are people who deck out vans and of course small campers. I think this grows out of a recognition that the "rat race" is not good for humans and if living a norma life means horrible working conditions... it is better to live in your car and roam free.
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Sleepyem
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Default Sep 02, 2019 at 04:20 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I feel the same and I am NOT in a city. I am truly starting to worry that perhaps there are just too many people in the world. And without a massive war or something we will soon overwhelm each other.

I feel like it is really noticeable when you read fiction from the 1800s to 1900s. All those people seemed to ever care about is meeting new people. It was such a great thing just to meet anyone else... you would probably marry them. But today people are everyplace and they are just terrible. I am starting to think they are terrible because they too secretly want to be alone.
Yeah you are right that’s it I think about it a lot, it’s not that I don’t want human contact I just want it to be special meaningful. I still try to do this when I meet people but I think it’s not really normal and most people are blank and dead to the world already maybe il be like that one day.

So much of it is the opposite and honestly sometimes I feel so annoyed of faces on TV or just everywhere these faces so many faces , I don’t know why, I want some kind of isolation that’s impossible to achieve it seams , maybe because we can only be ourselves completely and comfortably relaxed on our own , I feel there’s ideas in people’s minds meet them you fall into certain categories and we aren’t that we are a million changing things out personality’s are so vast like all people , we are different with different people makes it so confusing ie what is me ?

Yes I so wish for this nomad lifestyle so deeply wishing
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Default Sep 02, 2019 at 11:50 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by Sleepyem View Post
Yeah you are right that’s it I think about it a lot, it’s not that I don’t want human contact I just want it to be special meaningful.
I feel like I want it to be "good" contact, but, most of the time it isn't good contact. I once heard the definition of a gentleman was someone who made everyone around him feel good. By that definition there are none left. Almost everyone I encounter on a daily basis is dripping with concern for themselves only - worn on their sleeve. Just a regular day can have me annoyed and aggravated by 8:30 am. From watching people leave their bags on the seat on the train to watching them rush down the track pushing and jostling when they will maybe gain 2 seconds by doing so.

Imagine what it would be like for everyone to be concerned on the train that everyone get a seat. Imagine what it would be like for everyone to walk slowly and let others out, even if it meant it took longer for them to get down the train way.

I wonder sometimes if we really messed up with modern day society. In the 40s or 50 yes it was corny to be earnest, to offer to help others, to invite strangers over for dinner and to have manners which made other's happy. We thought ourselves so smart to disregard all these things but, in the end, things WERE better then and it was perhaps necessary to have large groups of people and for us all to be happy.
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