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Default Jul 28, 2019 at 05:30 PM
  #1
I have never been comfortable in a home.

When I was a kid I hated, HATED my house. It was old and nasty and my mom had zero interest in doing anything to it. But I could have lived with that. But it was natural gas. I was always afraid of natural gas. It could kill even if you did nothing. And also it has that smell. All during the year. It isn't as if you can shut it off in the winter.

So I went to an apartment for grad school. This was the best of the lot. However, it was in michigan and no storm shelter. So tornado warnings were terrifying. It had a gas fireplace, but also, it was temporary so I had rented furniture that I had to keep in good shape.

Then I got my own apartment and this was also ok, but it had some serious issues. During the winter the heat pump made amazing noise. It was IN the bathroom. Making for terrible showers. Then on cold nights it simply couldn't handle the job. I would suffer greatly with cold on nights it got below 10 degrees. It wasn't combustable though. But I always felt like that too was a stop where I was waiting for the real thing. I never got a washer and dryer because the new heater I got took up all the room.

Finally I got to the place I am at now.. this is it I thought... now true. I have a heat pump that can survive down to -10. It is 2 floors below me at night so I can't hear much at all. And, I plan to be here for 10+ years. But I still feel uncomfortable. There isn't a single year some disaster doesn't happen in this place. Today I woke up to some sort of an animal trying to get under my stairs and digging a massive hole. But there are several things wrong with the place and I just feel like every single day there is something to do related to the place.

So I thought I would ask? Just me? Every single place I have ever lived has bothered me in some way. I am starting to wonder if that is going to be the situation forever.
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Smile Jul 28, 2019 at 05:58 PM
  #2
Well... to tell you about the place I lived beginning at around age 12 or 13 until I moved out & into a dorm at college would take me a very l-o-n-g time. One thing I'll just mention is that, to this day, I can't STAND bugs in the house. I don't mind them outside. In fact I tend to find them kind-of interesting. But when I see bugs in the house I freak out! (We have a pest control service.)

Beyond that... I haven't had too much problem with the homes we've lived in, although we do assiduously practice preventive maintenance so that we seldom encounter repair surprises. The thing I have always had a lot of problems with has been the neighborhoods we've lived in & the so-called "neighbors" we had living around us. At this point, I just keep to myself. I don't speak to or even acknowledge anyone when I'm outside & so they (mercifully) leave me alone as well.

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Default Jul 28, 2019 at 07:25 PM
  #3
Living in one's space, being an apartment or a house....
I must feel certain amount of physical security... Includes alarm systems, and neighborhood. I briefly lived in a group house, but had to share a bathroom..... Never, ever again. Long story. Moved out very quickly. Not much with chummy neighbors, just keep to myself, my dogs and husband.
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Default Jul 30, 2019 at 11:31 PM
  #4
I’m a homeowner and there is always something that needs to be maintained or fixed and things I’d like to change but they are impossible.

I’m terrified of tornados but have no real safe place to go so I just figure if it’s my time it’s my time.

I currently have a family of rabbits living under my house, I live in the country so it’s not the first time, I’m sure they have babies so even tho I can see just a tiny area they are coming and going from I hate to block it off. Eventually I will need too.

I went back to Florida for a year in the last couples years to see if we wanted to move back permanently. We rented a very small home,

I was unsettled the entire time I was there, agreed I didn’t go all out decorating it etc , but I was never comfortable , we realized that Tennessee is truly home and we will just make numerous trips down to see grown kids.

Is there ways to make your place more homey ??

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Default Jul 31, 2019 at 06:05 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
we realized that Tennessee is truly home and we will just make numerous trips down to see grown kids.
Is there ways to make your place more homey ??
I have never thought of a place as a home. That is the thing. Every place I live seems to feel like it is someplace I can't "settle" into because it has problems. Not to mention choosing this place took about 4 years of looking.

I am starting to wonder if ANY place is going to be comfortable and a home and that really concerns me as I head toward retirement.
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Default Jul 31, 2019 at 04:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I have never thought of a place as a home. That is the thing. Every place I live seems to feel like it is someplace I can't "settle" into because it has problems. Not to mention choosing this place took about 4 years of looking.

I am starting to wonder if ANY place is going to be comfortable and a home and that really concerns me as I head toward retirement.

That's kind-of how I feel, too. For example, I like my apartment but as usual, it feels like I'm living in someone else's home. Sort-of. It's hard to describe. I'm pretty much retired and that feeling of "having no home" scares me, too.

I grew up in the same house until I was twenty years old. It was a really nice house with a beautiful yard, until my mother married a guy (when I was ten) and they got into fights and ruined the house. Long story, but it ended up with the house having major issues.

After that, I've always lived in rentals with the feeling that any day I'll receive a notice about having to move because the owner is remodeling or some kind of garbage like that.

Anyway, hard to explain, but I will say that I have an understanding of what you mean.

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Default Jul 31, 2019 at 06:32 PM
  #7
I grew up in a 120 year old tenement house where snow came in thru a crack in the wall...no phone, car, refrigerator, tub or shower.....The house had a nickname and I felt such shame about that. I live in a little ranch house now, and it is my safe haven; i love it.
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Default Jul 31, 2019 at 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
I grew up in a 120 year old tenement house where snow came in thru a crack in the wall...no phone, car, refrigerator, tub or shower.....The house had a nickname and I felt such shame about that. I live in a little ranch house now, and it is my safe haven; i love it.

Aw, it's great that you have a good home now

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Default Aug 02, 2019 at 05:00 PM
  #9
Paranormal activity??

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Default Aug 03, 2019 at 08:01 AM
  #10
I've never owned a home, so I feel the same like it's just not my home. Any day you could lose your place to live. I also grew up without a bathroom, an outhouse, and I have faint memories of that. I didn't like it, but was so happy when they finally got a real bathroom with a real tub. The three of us kids used to bath in the same water, in the kitchen for pete's sake, but hey, at least they fed us and clothed us.

One house we rented, I heard noises. The neighbors across the road swore they had some paranormal activity. I never let it bother me. I did have a dream the week before we moved that I should never leave that home, or things would go downhill, and they sure did!
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Default Aug 12, 2019 at 07:49 AM
  #11
I have lived in 13 different homes and apartments in my life. Some were more comfortable than others. The thing that was consistent was me. I made it a home. Otheriwse, it would just be some rooms in a building. I think maybe the key is to focus less on the details of the structure and its contents and to focus more on finding inner peace no matter where you are. If you can find center, you can bring that with you anywhere.

I also agree with Christina. There may be things you can do to make the place you live more homey. I'd maybe spend time visualizing your optimal home conditions and then attempt to bring elements of that to your living space. Tiny changes can make a huge difference sometimes.

I have been in my current home for 6 years and there are always little projects to do. There are all kinds of things 'wrong' here. I think of fixing them as investing in my own comfort. There are also projects that arise due to unforseen disasters. I try to just roll with it and use those as opportunities to upgrade things I wouldn't have otherwise invested in. For example our AC blew out on the day we moved in and our basement flooded after a contractor did a poor job replacing a door. Now we have efficient air units and nice waterproof flooring in the basement. The bills that go along with those disasters aren't fun to deal with, but we have enjoyed the upgrades.

I hope the animals making a home in your home decide to move. There are sprays you can buy made from essential oils that bother them. I have one I use for squirrels, raccoons and opossum.
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