What do I do?

I wonÂ’t lay down the full story since it will be very long and plus, I donÂ’t even know what exactly is wrong with me.

I am 22 years old and is identified as INFJ type. I am quite different from those around me. I tend to have stronger moral code than normal and do everything thing I can so as to NOT inconvenience others. I would play a thousand scenarios in my head before I would say or do something. If someone does or say something that bothers me, I would try to think from all their perspectives and try to understand them. This makes me have “battles” in my head constantly. I would try to justify someone’s/ or my actions which would clash with what I am feeling about the situation. For example, my dad has trust issues due to his past and I can understand that but having that interfere with his current relationships is wrong. I know this and yet I find myself questioning it over and over again. Is he wrong? Or am I wrong? This kind of things can happen to small daily things as well so it is really frustrating. I am told that I am very defensive as well.

Also, I had some family problems about 4 years ago and since then, I have been having some problems. One is gas pain which doesn’t go away and gets worse with stress. There are also some situations and thoughts that can make me go into a mini emotional breakdown. All the negative thoughts come to me whenever I do something wrong or not up to my standards. Even things out of my control can make me feel like a failure. I have the urge to punish myself somehow. Sometimes, I am quick to accept that something is my fault when I know it is not (or maybe it really is my fault. I don’t know. It hurts my head to think about it). I am still functioning. I study more than others, help others with their studies, am involved in multiple club activities, do well in exams and more. My mood and enjoyment is more of inconsistent ups and downs. Basically, negative thoughts come when I am having a break from all those busy stuff. Once I slow down, it is really difficult to get back on track. But when I am in the middle of it, I seem fine (as long as nothing goes wrong or I don’t get “triggered”). I just make sure to get things done. So even though I feel like I need help, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say if I go see a counselor. I mean... I seem fine? I feel fine as long as I am not in one of those moods. I can laugh and forget about my worries. But when I am not fine, all I want to be is alone. What is wrong with me and what do I do?

Do you take medication? have you been evaluated by a psychiatrist? I think getting to the bottom of the mechanisms of your body could help you deal with the scars you carry that affect your relationships. I am not asking to disclose personals but did you suffer abuse of any kind growing up? Were your boundaries violated regularly? They way we grow up can shape us forever.

I do not take madication and I haven’t been evaluated by a psychiatrist either. I did not experience any physical abuse as well. In fact, that is one reason why I feel even more frustrated. My dad has his own problems and beliefs which are completely different me and my mom. He makes me question if I am actually the bad one. His accusations are mainly targeted at my mom and I grew up with arguments. My mother is not emotionally strong and I am really close to her so I guess I was affected. He has his own problems but he provides well for us. Every time we argue, he would fall back to his “I sacrificed so much for you”. He keeps thinking that all his assumptions are right and it is very hard to have a normal conversation with him. I feel uncomfortable being left alone with him or having to hold a conversation with him. Right now, there are no major issues. But everytime I have negative thoughts, one thing can lead to another, have a lot of past conversations replayed in my head and I end up having an emotional breakdown. I can control it well though so I only allow myself to do it when I am alone. When I am not in the mood, I can get really agitated or over sensitive. If it happens for the whole day, it gets really hard to concentrate and I space out. Controlling my emotions in front of people gets really tiring too. But I am in a position that I cannot stop performing well so I just push myself to get over with the day. I am fine aside from that. I laugh, play, watch movies, do well in school and more as long as whatever negative feelings that I have is forgotten.

your original post question....what is wrong with you?

Im sorry but we can not tell you what is wrong with you. I see that you are new here welcome. if you look at the bottom of the pages you will see psych centrals disclaimer stating that you cant depend on this site for diagnosis (others telling you what is wrong with you) or treatment (no one here can tell you how to treat your own problems, or advise you one way or another )

what psych central community forums are is like sitting down over a beverage with your friends. we share with each other our problems and lives, and what our own treatment providers are doing with us and what our own treatment providers call things in our selves.

we don't diagnose each other and we don't tell each other what their problems are called and to do things this way or that way.

only your own doctors can tell you what is wrong inside your own body and what you must do to solve that problem.

we can also make suggestions based on what has helped ourselves but only you and your treatment providers decide whether to do what others here do to help their self.

its always best to contact your treatment providers so that following what others are saying online does not on purpose or accidentally harm you should you choose to follow what you find online.

Hello Kira. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Coping with Emotions forum, here on PC, may be one that will be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

Since you mentioned your relationship with your dad, the relationships forum may be of interest too:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

Since you have the gas problem you mentioned, you might also find the health support forum to be of interest:

https://psychcentralforums.com/health-support/

I'm not a mental health professional & I'm not really sure what tell you about what you wrote in your post. (It sounds as though there may be more to it than you felt you could go into here.) For the most part it sounds as though you're doing well in your day-to-day life. However you mentioned having some family problems a 4 years ago that seem to have triggered the problems you are having. I know you wrote you don't know what you'd say if you saw a counselor. But, at least from my perspective, talking with a skilled counselor or therapist about what's been going on with you is perhaps the way to go. The situation you describe is just the type of thing people often seek counseling or therapy for. And, personally at least, I don't think you need to worry at this stage about what you'd say. Just go, talk, & let the process evolve over time as it will.

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of knowing when it's time to see a therapist. The first link is to an article by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. The third link is to a quiz you can take on the subject:

5 Sure Signs It's Time to See a Therapist

5 Reasons to See a Therapist

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/therapy-quiz/

And then here are links to 4 additional articles on the subject of coping with negative thoughts & emotions:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...tive-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...e-effectively/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...nful-emotions/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...your-feelings/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.