What is the next step? Is there one?

Sorry this ones a bit lengthy:/ I have had a falling out with my father nearly a decade ago. We’ve barely spoken. Only seen him a handful of times for less than an hr. Usually because I happened to run into him at a family event, (holidays, visiting my grandmother, funeral, etc.) He deeply hurt my feelings those many yrs ago, and has done more and more inconsiderate things along the way. i felt betrayed, I lost my trust in him, I lost my respect for him. I tried to confront him multiple times but he plays the victim while telling me how awful of a daughter i am for impeding his happiness...I went to my grandmother for advice ( unrelated to my father per say) about moving , about options for help until i got a better paying job. ( my grandma is my best friend i talk to her all the time about everything) She in turn went to my father who through a fit, made every excuse in the book why he could not help me. She told me i had to speak to him directly... i did not want to but i gave it a shot( btw through those yrs I’ve tried texting him and talking to him etc with little to no response..so i was hesitant to reach out again for something more serious) . He denied me too... him and my grandmother talked again and he ended up agreeing to help me 5 mos later..long story short, he’s helped me with some things for a while but has not done anything emotionally that a parent does for their child. Does not text me. Does not call me. Does not ask how i am doing. Does not ask about work. Does not ask about school. Etc. (yes it may go both ways but I’ve stopped reaching out to him a while ago because of this. ) Yet he gets mad when i dont wish him happy bday but he forgot what day mine was. He gets mad if i dont wish him happy fathers day yet he is less and less of a father to me everyday... he says i chose to be away from him.. i say he doesn’t care.. the only reason hes recently been helping me( which is ending and that’s fine) was because of my grandmother, and i appreciate that gesture it has helped a lot but i know it was not because he wanted to help me, it is because he wanted to satisfy my grandmother.. .... idk if it’s better to break all contact completely now or what i should do... I don’t feel like I should have to beg for my parent’s attention.... yet everyone is telling me how wrong i am... how selfish i am... how awful of a person i am yet NO ONE bothers to hear my side of the story... no one cares to listen to me as to why i feel the way i do... I’m so damn lost...

i dont know what can I advise you. I have never had a normal relationship with my father :P 1 year ago I cut off a contact with him, when he said behind my back I am useless after when I was helping him often. What a jerk

That sucksss
It’s just ****** because my dad was my best friend... it was my mom that drove us nuts when i was younger... so when he went and became an asshole to me it was the idea that “ damn I cant trust anyone”...( which i know isnt true) but when you’re a child you expect your parents to protect you and be there for you... not to teach you survival skills so as an adult you can survive against them... it’s just awful that he’s makin me seem like the asshole to the whole side of the family.. and they ask me why i dont come around or whatever....

Ye, I can relate to these things about childhood. A child should feel safe and protected in a presence of a parent. When I was a child I was scared of my own father, because he was drunk and abusive to my mother very often. The good thing was, he rarely was visiting the home, because he was working very far from the home. Of course he betrayed my mother not once. He has kids with other women.

Regarding to your issue, dont listen what other ppl say, because they dont know the whole story.

If you consider your father as a toxic person you should probably cut off a contact. But if you think he has some good qualities, intentions, but being moody sometimes maybe you can give him another chance.

Also try to think of what you can lack because of his bad partenting skills, and try to give it for yourself. For example support, love etc. I know it might sounds a bit weird, but try to be the best parent for yourself.

Yeah i try to do all that:/ it just seems like idk he sees me as my mom and idk i remind him of a failed marriage... so he takes care of his gfs kids and puts her before me. Thats why i left. Iw ss tired of my father putting a woman over me. Buying her kids things for the holidays and stuff and telling me he has no money... telling me to ask my mom for school stuff... etc... it’s damaging.. im sure those kids are living a good life because both parents/ adult figures are in one household.. i didnt have that.. and while thats not my fault.. he made it sound like i couldnt have nice things because my mom made him bitter. Instead of owning up and getting an education, getting a better job, etc he stayed in his dark cloud and made my life hell... then when i finally had enough he basically said “ well leave just like she did”......
And now its like... idk.. i dont want to be around someone who looks at me like that... who says “ accept this situation or leave me alone” ( which he did say to me btw)

Well, I dont think you can't change him or his attitude. Lets focus on things that you can change.

I think the problem is that you expect/wants something from him, and he doesnt seem to be the person who care enough about you to give you something. You still want him to be a good father that helps you. But apparently he focus more on the "second family" now and nothing you can do about it.

I would advise you to drop this all about him, still you can be in a contact, but drop the all expectations of him as a father. You will feel free from this all.

Instead of him, try to focus on other support. Glad that you have a caring grandma +you are strong and supportive for yourself.

Yes, I COMPLETELY agree with the WISE and WONDERFUL MrGuermo! I am SO SORRY your Father is being emotionally distant from you and that he wasn't able to support you and give you the Love you NEEDED and DESERVED! My advice would be to either have a SERIOUS DISCUSSION with him about ALL OF THIS and see if he's willing to work with you on rebuilding a meaningful relationship or to just let him go his own way and cut off contacts with him if he's triggering you. I know it's hard when our own parents, the people that should Love us THE MOST and UNCONDITIONALLY , disappoint us. Unfortunately it can happen sometimes. Stay kind to yourself. You're not a bad person AT ALL! You're just standing up for yourself and taking care of yourself. So please hang on to that because IT IS TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT, OK? I am REALLY HAPPY your grandmother is proving supportive to you at least! Support yourself as well, like MrGuermo has already WISELY and WONDERFULLY said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! : Please be kind to yourself and keep writing here if it helps. I'm always available when you need him. I'll try to get back at you as soon as I possibly can. I am sure many others will also help you. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your father, your grandmother, wish I am SO GLAD and REALLY HAPPY that she is there to support you and your Family, @pandabear0927, and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking!

Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate it a lot! My grandmother is def in the tough spot because me and her are so close, but it’s also her son. There are times that she tries to push me to talk to him but most of the time she understands and leaves it alone. I tried talking to him a couple times but it seems like i always got a negative response. He thinks he deserves his happiness at any cost and he simply doesn’t understand why i am not happy with his situation. He doesn’t see it as distrustful or inconsiderate , he just says im selfish and ungrateful... it’s like when a parent comes to the fork in the road of “ do i do what makes my child happy or what makes me happy?” And it almost feels as though he checked out as my parent, thought i was old enough to not be dependent on him as much so he went on doing what made him happy with little regard to how i felt or what I thought about the situation. Time going by is only making things more awkward... so i feel like i need to make a decision fast:/..