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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
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#1
Background: I have deep seated anxiety and avoidance issues. Especially around new group social things. Its also difficult to get myself to go to certain things, even without deep anxiety.
I'm taking a DBT skills group for the second time, and I'm finally becoming cognizant of my true goals: I want to live a more social life. In realizing this, I've been motivated to set goals for myself each day for the last few days of this week. I feel like I failed. Because I failed to go to the social things I'd planned on. A lot of the things I wasn't completely enthusiastic about going to, but saw value in them and knew I'd probably be glad I went. Tonight there's a star gazing event that excites me. I cannot get myself to go. It is so frustrating and I feel disappointed. My question is, do I maybe need to go slower? Am I biting off more than I can chew and also setting myself up for failure and disappointment? Because I feel I may not have the knowledge of how to use my skills or the right mentality, yet I'm attempting to do this stuff that feels too hard. I'm also in therapy and will absolutely discuss this at my next appt. |
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downandlonely, MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, NightRain2019
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,285
5 117 hugs
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#2
As with any goal you need to set the bar at those things that are actually doable and build upon them. Tasks must be realistic. They must also be measurable with some kind of reward each step on the way.
For example, maybe you might start with something simple you can easily remove yourself from should it be difficult. I speak of things like a visit to a library or a quick stop at a gallery. Basically I would start with a situation you can control that does not yet require social interaction. It ought to be something that simply gets you in the vicinity of people. Maybe then take yourself to a place like a mall where you can sit and observe people and their interactions with others. Work your way up to a situation where you directly communicate with someone. This could be as simple as a worker on a sales floor. And continue from there. Remember though to keep these situations ones you can escape from if necessary (you can always back your way out of that gallery or store for instance). Finally, place yourself in a social setting. Rewards? Maybe a fancy coffee. Perhaps a book from that library. Treat yourself then to something that is different. Evaluate each step of the way. How will this help me to achieve my goal? Has performing it drawn me nearer? What was successful? What can I work on and change? |
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NightRain2019
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Member
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 337
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#3
I’m too tired at the moment to really write a coherent reply but it’s great that you’re looking at goals & you’re making the effort. I have trouble getting out due to OCD & health issues but lately I am having trouble finding time to stay home & take care of myself. For me it needs to be a balance. I get nervous when I have too many things scheduled- it feels like pressure & I get more stressed & start canceling out of things. I can actually do a lot but feeling constantly obligated to do things doesn’t work for me. I would start slower & work up to doing more. It might be different for you. You will find what’s right for you. Talking to your therapist about it is a good idea. Take care.
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
4 4,842 hugs
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#4
Quote:
I think my issue is new social things, mainly. For instance, I'm signed up to take a poetry class in October. But I think this might be really hard for me maybe. I also think its complicated within me. There are many factors. I like the idea of a hierarchy though, incrementally, with rewards. I will definitely be talking in therapy about this. |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
4 4,842 hugs
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#5
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