Problem

I am in Gardiner MT staying with a "Friend" until I start a seasonal fall job in Yellowstone National Park on Sept 24th. I will be with him for 4 more days. I am staying in his small apartment with him until then. He seems to be getting hostile towards me. He will not talk to me and refuses to answer any questions I may ask, no matter how trivial, such as the time of day. I asked him if he wanted me out, and he accused me of wanting walk out on him. He protects him self with emotional armor and muscle and fat. He is very protective of himself and I feel he must be very lonely because of it. Even when he is with friends. He behaves in a manner that lets you know he is around.

He had a bad and traumatic childhood growing up on the Reservation. He saw his mother murdered right before his eyes when he was a kid. Right in front of her hogan. I try not to take his attitude personally, knowing his history.

But it is hard to live with. Rain is stopping me from going out and set up my camp again at Bear Creek. Any suggestions how I can cope with this until the 24th? Any additional insights? He will not let me reach out to him. He will not answer any questions, especially personal ones. I do not want to try to help him, unless he reaches out and asks for help. He would only get more angry.

He is also very controlling. Feeling in control is very important to him. He does try to control others as well. I am happy that he is at work most of the day and I have his place to myself. He invited me to stay with him until my starting date. I did not ask him.

He may be conflicted with feeling his space is invaded (his sanctuary from the world, and private) with wanting companionship but with minimal interaction (talking). Is there a physical activity you could do with him? Fix or build or tinker with something? It will give you a mutual sense of togetherness without speaking, a mended or new thing which he would find useful once you have left and a little company without being intrusive. It doesn't have to be a 'guy' thing, you could cook or something else. But practical.

Well... I'm probably not the best member to be replying to this since I'm pretty thoroughly reclusive. So I don't have a lot of personal experience dealing with difficult people (other than myself.) However, from what you wrote, the behaviors this person is displaying sound mostly passive-aggressive to me... perhaps with an overlay of some narcissistic tendencies thrown in for good measure.

The thing is... you only have a few days to deal with this. So we're not talking about long-range strategies that will make living with this person manageable over the long haul. That being the case my personal thinking would be to just try not to spend any more time around him than is really necessary. And when the two of you are together try not to react to how he is acting.

Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, that offer suggestions for how to cope with passive-aggressive people. The first article is by DocJohn:

How to Deal with a Passive Aggressive Person

How to Spot and Stop Passive-Aggressive Behavior

7 Coping Skills to Use in the Face of Passive Aggression

The Silent Treatment And What You Can Do To Stop It Cold

Hope something in these articles is of help. Have a good autumn.

I called HR and asked to start early. I report to HR tomorrow at 8 am MDT. I am out of here in the morning.

Good news!

Good problem solving Thunder Bow! Happy for you.

Do you stay in Yellowstone through the winter or just the fall? I have been into Yellowstone in the winter many times on snow mobile from Jackson Hole when I winter vacationed there every year. Yelliwstone is so gorgeous in the snow & off season. Enjoy your work there. Glad you started early. Best way to solve the problem you were having.

Sometimes people who have established their alone life sense they want to help someone by opening their home to them for a short while but then find their own balance they established upset & they become uncomfortable even when their desire & good intentions are there. That creates conflict within themselves that they may not even understand. Wise not to stay.

Work now, got my own room in the dorm. This is just for the fall.