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Old 10-06-2019, 10:25 PM   #1
Ravengurl92
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Default Confusing Thoughts

I am 27 now and for the past 4 years, I have been having on and off thoughts about a certain guy from high school. I never had a crush on him but he was my date for homecoming senior year. A year after homecoming he asked me to be his girlfriend in a text message but wanted to text and call each other rather than go on dates. I thought that was a weird idea and didn't like him that way so I simply told him that I only liked him as a friend. He then said "You didn't think I was serious did you?" I replied that I did. He then said he thought I had a crush on him based on the way I asked him to homecoming and asked me to be his girlfriend to see how I would react. This was really the last time I talked to him and it was 9 years ago. Yet I still have reoccurring thoughts about him and have never been able to figure out why. I don't think I have a crush on him because I don't feel happy when I have the thoughts , they make me feel stressed and anxious and I just want them to stop. I have also noticed that I usually only have them in the Fall, probably because that's when homecoming was. The thoughts seem to take over my life and I have a hard time focusing on anything else. It's so annoying and I just want to move on with my life and he happy again. Any insight on this would be appreciated.
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Old 10-07-2019, 12:24 PM   #2
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Default Re: Confusing Thoughts

I'm in my fifties and have been in one 17-year marriage and another basically 10-year relationship, both producing beautiful children. Maybe two months ago, I started thinking about one of my high school gfriends, almost compulsively.The thoughts are not happy ones. But they are there. I have not seen her since my last date with her in, like, 1984, when I was in NYC for college and she came. Have not spoken to her either, although she did send a note when my mother died in 2004. I did not write a thank-you note, which is very out of character for me.

What does it all mean, I have been wondering? Well, unfortunately, for me, I think it means that I am not really a huge fan of MG. She was not, as it turns out and with benefit of hindsight and some distance, very nice to me. She was extremely manipulative. She toyed with me, emotionally. She had a severe eating disorder and knew that I loved her, which she used to help prop herself up, but without any real acknowledgement of me as a person. She was brilliant scholastically and extremely beautiful on the outside. What she was used to was lots of attention and that was really all she wanted, even as she became a young woman. I wasted a lot of time and energy on her and there was little upside for me.

I never got to really tell her how I felt about the way she treated me. And I think that is what her coming up in my thoughts recently is basically about. Part of me still wants to tell her. That will never happen, but the desire is there. She hurt me and part of me is still angry. Were you ever angry with your homecoming date? Did you ever get into it with him? Or do you think it's possible you might be feeling like he was a missed opportunity that you should have taken advantage of when you had the chance? And that you are now kicking yourself, or some part of you is, for not making that happen way back when?

Only you can sort through all this. He is obviously creating a strong emotional response in you. Why is that? Your job is to dig deep and figure that out. Good luck!!
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Old 10-07-2019, 04:59 PM   #3
Ravengurl92
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Default Re: Confusing Thoughts

I went to homecoming with him because we were friends. I didn't have a crush on him or anything. So I don't see him as a missed opportunity
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Old 10-07-2019, 07:28 PM   #4
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Default Re: Confusing Thoughts

Hi Ravengurl, welcome to PC.

1. As I was reading what you wrote about that guy, here's what I thought: "this guy had a crush on her, she turned him down, and he humiliated, and tried to save face by saying 'just kidding, I was just messing around.'" Girl, the dude liked you and couldn't take that you didn't like him back, so he behaved rather childishly in his response. Not graceful of him at all. It is a rather "high school" thing to do. But I hope you know you did nothing wrong.

I personally used to obsess about weird things that have happened, hurtful things ppl have said to me, and omg, things I've said in the past I wish I could say differently now. All the cringe worthy stuff. I think it comes along with being sensitive, anxious, and prone to depression.

I of course can't know for sure why you think what you think. But I could relate so maybe your brain is like mine.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm learning to put that stuff in its place. At least, I try, haha. Therapy helps and so does DBT.

Have a good day
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Old 10-07-2019, 10:49 PM   #5
Ravengurl92
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Default Re: Confusing Thoughts

Your response made me feel a lot better. I would have thought he had a crush on me but when he asked me to be his girlfriend, he specially said he wanted to text and call each other all the time instead of going on dates. I thought that was a weird idea. If he really liked me, wouldn't he have wanted to go out with me? Anyway, it's in the past now and I'm still hoping I can move on.
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Old 10-08-2019, 11:33 AM   #6
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Default Re: Confusing Thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravengurl92 View Post
Your response made me feel a lot better. I would have thought he had a crush on me but when he asked me to be his girlfriend, he specially said he wanted to text and call each other all the time instead of going on dates. I thought that was a weird idea. If he really liked me, wouldn't he have wanted to go out with me? Anyway, it's in the past now and I'm still hoping I can move on.
Aww, well, I guess there's really no way of truly knowing, but think of this: he was a jerk either way. And honestly if he just asked you out as a joke, you dodged a big bullet by not being interested because who does that to people? He sounds weird.

Sending you lots of hugs!.
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Old 10-09-2019, 04:04 PM   #7
Ravengurl92
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Default Re: Confusing Thoughts

I think the reason I want to stop thinking about him so bad is because he was a jerk. The only reason I can think of that he is creating such an emotional response in me is because he was really the only date I've ever been on. I had mostly female classmates in college and have most female co workers due to the fields I've worked. So it's not like I've had a chance to date since high school. So that is probably why I keep going back to my experience with this guy, its only one I've ever had.
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Old 10-09-2019, 07:15 PM   #8
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Default Re: Confusing Thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravengurl92 View Post
I think the reason I want to stop thinking about him so bad is because he was a jerk. The only reason I can think of that he is creating such an emotional response in me is because he was really the only date I've ever been on. I had mostly female classmates in college and have most female co workers due to the fields I've worked. So it's not like I've had a chance to date since high school. So that is probably why I keep going back to my experience with this guy, its only one I've ever had.
Now that makes a whole lot of sense to me.
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