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Old 10-07-2019, 11:15 AM   #1
pandabear0927
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Default Having sex for your partner

I have basically no sex drive ... my partner is very attracted to me and I feel bad for turning him down.. I will occasionally give in and have sex just so he can be happy... I donít find sex enjoyable.. i dont get that rush that others do, and I honestly could go about my days without it.. but I donít want it to tear our relationship apart... i have no idea what to do..
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Old 10-07-2019, 12:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

I have been through this with someone before. Have you thought about seeing a healthcare provider about it? Are you on an SSRI? They can def lower drive. As can other meds. As can other endocrine problems and physical health issues. As can a history of abuse or current relationship issues. There's a bunch of potential causes.

In my experience, sexual problems in the relationship often lead to bigger problems. So, if the relationship is important to you, you might want to look into this a bit more proactively. It is not unheard of for partners (of either sex) to become impatient after awhile and they may seek to meet their needs in ways that are not helpful to the relationship. Best of luck to you!!
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Old 10-07-2019, 12:07 PM   #3
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
I have been through this with someone before. Have you thought about seeing a healthcare provider about it? Are you on an SSRI? They can def lower drive. As can other meds. As can other endocrine problems and physical health issues. As can a history of abuse or current relationship issues. There's a bunch of potential causes.


In my experience, sexual problems in the relationship often lead to bigger problems. So, if the relationship is important to you, you might want to look into this a bit more proactively. It is not unheard of for partners (of either sex) to become impatient after awhile and they may seek to meet their needs in ways that are not helpful to the relationship. Best of luck to you!!


Iím not on medication... i just never had a desire for it:/... idk whatís wrong with me but Iíve seen my dr and psychs but idk.. nothing..
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Old 10-07-2019, 03:10 PM   #4
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

pandabear, are you 100% you are just not into sex at all, or could there be a smidgen of a chance that though you really care for your partner, that they just don't spark the desire in you. Could there be anyone else out there that might spark that desire? Do you ever fantasize about anyone else, sexually or at least romantically? If you ever do, then maybe your partner is more a platonic type partner and not a romantic one. If there is real romantic attraction, very often sexual desire eventually comes with it, unless you have a real issue with sex. Either way, you may want to talk about this topic with a therapist. Don't be afraid to, if you haven't already. Therapists are used to talking about sex issues.

Psychiatrists could be people to talk about sex issues to, but they tend to concentrate on a slightly different aspect of the issue than many therapists might. I tend to feel that talking about sex issues is easier with a mental health professional of the same sex, and possibly of the approximate same age, but I guess that can vary by person and mental health professional.
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Old 10-07-2019, 07:13 PM   #5
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

Could you be asexual? No shame in that at all.

Have you talked to your bf about how you feel?
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Old 10-07-2019, 09:33 PM   #6
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

Are you possibly attracted to the same sex?
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Old 10-08-2019, 04:12 AM   #7
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

I think sex is very important. If someone has a relatively regular sex life and goes through a dry spell I can see how having sex even when not necessarily in the mood could preserve a relationship. However if you were never into sex I do not know how that would play into it. There have been times that I wasnt feeling it but once it started I was fine. I do not believe anyone should have to have sex but if its a part of the relationship normally and suddenly becomes a problem then I think someone should see if there is a health problem responsible for it. OP has it always been this way?
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Old 10-09-2019, 08:37 AM   #8
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

Is your feelings towards sex indifferent? Or perhaps of a more negative nature such as disgust? Do you dread these sexual encounters? Can you keep going on doing this? Im asking, because i actually don't think there's anything wrong with what you're doing, as long as making them happy makes you happy, or at the very least you don't think of it as too much a sacrifice on your part.
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Old 10-09-2019, 12:23 PM   #9
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Yes, I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH ALL AND EVERYTHING THAT ALL THE OTHER WISE AND WONDERFUL POSTERS HAVE ALREADY WISELY AND WONDERFULLY SAID BETTER THAN I POSSIBLY EVER COULD IN MY WHOLE AND ENTIRE LIFE! Please do talk to your Therapist. They're there to help you! I think it's important for you to focus on your FEELINGS about sex in general... Do you just not like Sex in general or is it that you're just not attracted sexually to your Partner? BOTH options are ABSOLUTELY and COMPLETELY VALID, but I DO believe it is important for you to ask yourself those questions! Ask for help to a Therapist and even a Pdoc if you feel like there may be some problems with your Libido! Don't worry what you're going through IS PERFECTLY NORMAL SO PLEASE DON'T PANIC NO MATTER WHAT IT TURNS OUT TO BE AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK? You just need to explore it a little better so that you'll be aware of it and know if something needs to be done about it and hopefully you'll be able to talk to your Partner as well about ALL OF THIS! So yes, definitely talk to him and your Doctors about ALL OF THIS and see how it goes from there! I am here if you need advice and support of ANY KIND! THAT'S A PROMISE! I PROMISE YOU THAT! I AM SURE OF THAT! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! I GUARANTEE YOU THAT! I am SURE plenty of others will be glad to help as well! I PROMISE YOU THAT! THAT'S A PROMISE! I AM SURE OF THAT! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! I GUARANTEE YOU THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH YOU, @pandabear0927, your Family, your Friends, your Therapist, your Pdoc, your Partner, your Kids, your Children, your Relatives, your Parents, your Family Members, your Cousins, your Uncles, your Grandfathers, your Grandmothers, ALL the people you Love and Care for WHO THEY TRULY ARE who ALSO Love You Back and Care about You for WHO YOU TRULY ARE BACK and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WISELY AND WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT IT TURNS OUT TO BE AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK? KEEP IT UP! BE PROUD OF YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT IT TURNS OUT TO BE WHAT HAPPENS, OK? BE KIND TO YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT IT TURNS OUT TO BE AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?
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Old 10-09-2019, 06:26 PM   #10
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Default Re: Having sex for your partner

Is it age related? When I hit menopause it went downhill for me. My husband though would have it daily if I was up to it, we are same age, in our 50s
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