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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 720
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#1
After thanksgiving this year I came to the realization that my family may be a lot more dysfunctional than I ever thought. My sister was yelling at her kids, my nieces were fighting with each other I felt very uncomfortable for the first time. I’m unsure of what to do. Should I try to talk about with them? Should I call them out?
__________________ "We can hear the night watchman click his flashlight ask himself if it's him or them that's insane"- Bob Dylan 20 mg Citalopram |
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#2
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annoyedgrunt84
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annoyedgrunt84
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Member Since Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
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#3
You would be caught up in that dysfunctional process if you try to intervene. Take care of yourself and stay out of it.
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annoyedgrunt84
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annoyedgrunt84
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Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
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#4
There was no fighting between us siblings,my dad never yelled and oh if his glances could kill,I would be long dead.No drinking or substance abuse situations.No domestic abuse or violence between parents.Family devoutly religious. No cussing allowed.We were asked to pray a lot.You may ask now,so what is wrong?? The most insidious abuse happened to me inside that house.My mom was the abuser.Narcissistic mostly.Everybody played a role,what ever worked for survival.My dad codependent and pretended everything was alright.Me a scapegoat, one golden child sibling,who helped my mom to perpetuate more abuse by telling lies.Another sibling siding with golden child in her lies,so that she could save herself from narcissistic wrath.Some knew but never bothered to do something,because my parents would do favours for them.Yes ,my mom starved me but would provide meals for even strangers.For outside people it is a good functional family.There is so much peace and quiet. In my opinion it is anything but functional. I was quiet and introverted ,walked on eggshells, avoided my parents and siblings.My siblings watched me like a hawk to tell on me,so that my mom is pleased with them and had a reason to crack my skull or beat me black and blue until she got tired.My dad is very quiet ,just staring at me with his big eyes with all the hate and resentment. He never gave a ***k about what some of his friends did to me.Ya, of course there was no yelling,fighting or cussing.It was quiet and peaceful.I am sorry for my rant.
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*Beth*, annoyedgrunt84
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annoyedgrunt84
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 720
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#5
I don’t know I just am not sure it could have just been holiday stress, that could have been why I felt uncomfortable. Figuring these things out is so hard. I could also just be making more drama by saying something.
__________________ "We can hear the night watchman click his flashlight ask himself if it's him or them that's insane"- Bob Dylan 20 mg Citalopram |
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Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Planet Earth
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#6
Im not sure if it would do you any good to call them out on it. Many parents would not appreciate someone calling them out on their parenting behavior or their own kids behavior. You would know better than anyone here how your sister might react. But even then, it might be hard to predict her reaction. Unless your confident she will be receptive, better be safe than sorry and leave it be.
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annoyedgrunt84
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annoyedgrunt84
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Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Oklahoma
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#7
Yeah I think I could end up causing more problems than I solve.
__________________ "We can hear the night watchman click his flashlight ask himself if it's him or them that's insane"- Bob Dylan 20 mg Citalopram |
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Member Since Dec 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 13
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#8
Try to connect with them. They might have some issues the reason as to why they are behaving that way
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annoyedgrunt84
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annoyedgrunt84
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Member Since Dec 2018
Location: N/a
Posts: 151
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#9
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I think it’s up to you and only you know how they truly are. Like it’s YOUR family, so only you know if that is typical for them, or if it was just a one time thing. I personaly don’t think confronting them may do much good depending on the situation, because the behavior wasnt directed at you, so it may be hard for them to say “sorry” and change . You know what i mean? If someone steps on your foot, you confront them, they say sorry and try to not step on your foot again.... someone yelling at their kids , well... they may get offended for the whole “parenting “ thing, but also if thats how they act when theyre not around you then when they ARE around you, it will be harder to control since it’s a habit. Ya know? Always remember, you can’t change people. You can only change the way you respond to their behavior. So if they make you uncomfortable, set boundaries for yourself. Maybe only stay for the dinner portion of the holiday and then leave before everyone gets chatty and rowdy. Or maybe set aside time around the holiday to see family and just avoid the dinner all together. Again only you know the severity of the problem. :/ i wish you luck! |
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Iloivar
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