Shy adults

Are there any other shy adults out there? I’m 35 and I just feel way too old to be as shy and awkward as I am. Every time I start to feel a little bit confident or at ease with myself or someone else romantically or even just on a deep friendship level I clam up and shut down. I also know that it is affecting my life in other ways as well. The thought of many jobs fills me with dread having to interact with so many coworkers and the public. My current job is pretty good for me but is only part time and leaves me worried about my future.

I hate social situations

they are my worst nightmare

I wish I wasn't like it sometimes but it's how it goes

I am shy. I'm uncomfortable in group settings. Crowds irritate me. New people and obnoxious strangers make me nervous.

Some things are biological, and need to be accepted. Other things you can learn to mold and work with. I am finding therapy helping with this as well as self compassion. Work in progress.

When I'm hypo-manic or manic I'm not the least bit shy; I'm fearless with people. The rest of the time I'm painfully shy (and I'm 56).

I’m so shy it’s possible I have selective mutism. It affects everything. My family life, work life. I can get out a sentence or 2 but that’s about it. Some people I just cannot talk to though. I’ll try talking to them and nothing but air or a tiny squeak will come out of my mouth. Then I just seem like an unfriendly weirdo. I’ll put off doing a task for awhile that involves talking if I feel I can’t do it. I’m on the spectrum too.

I was pretty shy in college, but then my ultimate job wound up including speaking in front of large groups of people, so I had to get rid of that fear of being around others. It worked, I don't have that fear anymore.

I've been pretty shy for all of my life. Well, maybe not so much when I was really young (like from 2-10 I guess). I'm 63 now and still that way. I thought that by now I would be bold as a lion. I feel like I'm more shy now than before. I very much hate crowds and lots of noise, too.

I had selective mutism as a child and teen and was told to be in the autistic spectrum because of that. I am not....

After starting to work as a waiter, I lost all my social awkwardness.

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

I guess I have to add my grrrr to this thread. The ''shy'' label can be used as a put down by some but as someone else said, anxiety (including being ''shy'') can be ''biological'' and partly genetic. Also abusive families certainly do not help. Self acceptance can be helpful although there will always be some who enjoy judging anyone who appears to be different or socially awkward. It is probably possible to ''overcome'' being ''shy'' at any age given the right circumstances. But there are those who appreciate ''shy'' people if the ''shy'' person has empathy for others and other positive qualities. (which I'm sure nearly all have..) Having a job that is a good fit can be very helpful, I'm happy your job is ok.

btw if this issue causes severe distress there is therapy etc which can help (in some locations...)

(or even ''medications'' which I would not advise unless the condition is very severe..... severe social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, Avpd etc)

(of course there are some who think 'shyness'' is a completely fixed personality trait etc or a flaw or being ''weak'' and the person is to blame for ''being one of those people''.... not particularly helpful to those who are suffering)

I don't usually write such long messages
a) I usually don't have time
b) I do not know if what I've written will be of help or relevance
c) I sometimes delete my posts (due to being shamed from a very young age for using words.. or for just being a bear cub (so one option I guess is to become a bear like me )

Same...But I belive we can find some occupations that make us comfortable. For example, tranlator, wirters, or start a business yourself.

American culture usually demands over-the-top extroversion, and is very noisy and fast and intense. Those who don't fit that mold are too often seen as weak and "less than," and get excluded. That certainly doesn't help us to make any connections. You said your job is pretty good. Do you have family members or friends who are understanding and accepting of who you are?

I'm also 35 and shy. My parents are both shy too so we get each other without judgement in that regard. I have no friends or partner, and social events usually don't go well for me.

You can talk to a therapist about social anxiety if it's something you want to address. But also realize that there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Please don't impose harsh judgement on yourself. And dealing with the public sucks for most people. It's loud and unpredictable and people can be really nasty with little provocation.

Full disclosure this message is coming from an extreme extrovert, being shy is not a bad thing, it means that the relationships you do have are extremely intimate and cherished and there’s a large level of trust you give to people so LOVE THAT!

I love the saying that extroverted people adopt shy people, I think there’s some truth to that. Having a friend that can do some of the talking can relax a situation.

I will say this as well, have you ever been in a restaurant and seen someone drop a glass or a plate, and you just think “oh okay that happened” and go back to whatever you were doing. Things that seem horrifying for you don’t stand out for other people, you’re your own worst critic, if you stumble over your words laugh about it and say “gosh I can’t speak today” people are forgiving and you have this amazing opportunity for trial and error with support from those around you.

And yes not all people are good but that’s where you get an extroverted friend to tell you to forget them because their life is probably miserable so they take it out on others.