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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 720
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Dec 26, 2019 at 05:43 PM
#1
I know I have done and said some terrible things in my life. Just to give a concrete example I once struck my cat when it scratched me. The same cat now frequently curls up on my lap and is often times almost annoyingly affectionate, but sometimes I can see him still watching my hand very carefully when I pet him in certain positions. I have been feeling this way for weeks now and it has been keeping me up at night. At times I feel like I am going to cry and at other times I feel nearly physically ill. Forgiving myself and having compassion for myself sound like meaningless platitudes.
__________________ "We can hear the night watchman click his flashlight ask himself if it's him or them that's insane"- Bob Dylan 20 mg Citalopram |
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 Blknblu, Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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Dec 27, 2019 at 03:25 PM
#2
Well... if you find self-forgiveness & compassion to be beyond reach perhaps the alternative is what I sometimes see referred to as "radical acceptance"? I'm an older person myself & I really have done terrible things in my life. (I'll spare you the details.) It's too late to do anything about any of it now. I don't consider myself to be a candidate for self-forgiveness. And I have precious little compassion for myself as well. What I do is simply to strive to accept that what is done is done.
The 11th century Tibetan Buddhist yogini Machig Labron is credited with saying: "In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion." The practice is one that is referred to as "compassionate abiding". Perhaps you're familiar with it? Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice just in case you're not: Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to inner peace. 
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Blknblu
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Elder
Member Since Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 5,630
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Dec 28, 2019 at 12:47 PM
#3
That was a natural response. no need for guilt. Seems you did not hurt the cat at all, and it still likes you. Enjoy your friendship with your cat. All is well.
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