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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 11:07 AM
  #1
I know there are people out there that don't like to admit to being wrong. In most cases, it's due to not wanting to have their ego shattered or they may even be narcissistic. I've always wondered if fear plays into it. There are some people I know that put on a know-it-all act and the way they react if someone says their wrong, and even proves they are wrong, makes me wonder if they have been conditioned to never be wrong and if they ever are, there will be severe consequences. If proven wrong, they will get very defensive and in some cases, appear to be very nervous even if they try to hide it.

Also they will go out of their way to prove they are always right and will not give in until they no longer feel attacked and may even get their way. Even if there is solid proof that they are wrong, they will still deny it or blame it on someone else. I've always wondered if this form of arrogance and unwillingness to accept being wrong is due to fear. Do you think this stems from fear? Have you known someone who hated admitting they were wrong and by their behavior, it appeared that it was out of fear? Have you ever struggled admitting that you were not right out of fear? If so, what did you fear would happen if you admitted you were wrong? Just wondered.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 12:15 PM
  #2
Thats exactly how i was raised. My parents were NEVER wrong, even when they were wrong! The Catholic Church, when i was in elementary school, the teachers liked to stretch the pope's infallibility into their being right on everything.

I dont know if its fear as much as, if they can inspire fear, they dont have to deal with you. So less trouble for them. The Sit down and shut up method of raising children, or having any kind of relationship.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 12:33 PM
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Thats exactly how i was raised. My parents were NEVER wrong, even when they were wrong! The Catholic Church, when i was in elementary school, the teachers liked to stretch the pope's infallibility into their being right on everything.

I don't know if its fear as much as, if they can inspire fear, they dont have to deal with you. So less trouble for them. The Sit down and shut up method of raising children, or having any kind of relationship.
Yeah true, that makes sense. Those who are higher up than you, and even parents, don't like admitting they're wrong to anyone especially their children.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 04:09 PM
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I've wondered if it might be because that generation may have been beaten for their mistakes. They did believe in beating children as punishment in those days. Mom was never able to admit to being wrong about anything. I know she was beaten with the belt as a child. Could be fear based.

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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 10:28 PM
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I've wondered if it might be because that generation may have been beaten for their mistakes. They did believe in beating children as punishment in those days. Mom was never able to admit to being wrong about anything. I know she was beaten with the belt as a child. Could be fear based.
Yeah I agree. I was beaten as a child as well. I don't believe in corpral punishment but yeah people back then did. I'm not sure if my mom was beaten but I'm sure my dad was. His dad was in the military and my dad was in the military as well and back then, they were allowed to beat you up in the military so I'm sure that had something to do with it. To make matters worse, you're basically expected to never be wrong in the military so I think fear plays a big part in my dad never admitting he's wrong. But yeah, for other people, it probably stems from being taught harsh consequences for being wrong by their parents or other people.
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Default Jan 06, 2020 at 12:37 AM
  #6
In my case, I was so embarrassed by some of the really STUPID things my dad would say when (very seldom) he was in a social situation. So my thing was to speak so softly that no one could hear me because if I said something WRONG I was afraid of sounding as STUPID as my dad.

I could give speeches on topics I knew well but just answering questions or talking with people I went into quiet mode. I finally broke out of that at 54 when I finally got out of the bad environment I had been in....though my dad had died at least 15 years before that. When I got out of the bad marriage, I could think clearer & retain things I read & that opened up my ability to truly become part of discussions. Go figure, that was after my computer design engineer career was over. I sometimes look back & wonder......feels like I an thankfully NOT the same person I was.

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Default Jan 06, 2020 at 12:54 AM
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In my case, I was so embarrassed by some of the really STUPID things my dad would say when (very seldom) he was in a social situation. So my thing was to speak so softly that no one could hear me because if I said something WRONG I was afraid of sounding as STUPID as my dad.

I could give speeches on topics I knew well but just answering questions or talking with people I went into quiet mode. I finally broke out of that at 54 when I finally got out of the bad environment I had been in....though my dad had died at least 15 years before that. When I got out of the bad marriage, I could think clearer & retain things I read & that opened up my ability to truly become part of discussions. Go figure, that was after my computer design engineer career was over. I sometimes look back & wonder......feels like I an thankfully NOT the same person I was.
I’m the same way. Yeah I have a fear of sounding stupid top. Glad things have gotten better with you.
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Default Jan 06, 2020 at 01:56 AM
  #8
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I’m the same way. Yeah I have a fear of sounding stupid top. Glad things have gotten better with you.
Sorry you are struggling with that too.

It is interesting because I moved 2100 miles away to a town where I knew no one. First thing I did was join the library read a book & discuss it group. The first time I went, I totally shocked myself being a very active participant in the discussions. When I got home, I wondered how in the world did that happen. I got more involved in other study groups & the same thing happened. It was the strangest feeling

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Default Jan 06, 2020 at 09:07 AM
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Sorry you are struggling with that too.

It is interesting because I moved 2100 miles away to a town where I knew no one. First thing I did was join the library read a book & discuss it group. The first time I went, I totally shocked myself being a very active participant in the discussions. When I got home, I wondered how in the world did that happen. I got more involved in other study groups & the same thing happened. It was the strangest feeling
Oh I’m sure it was strange but I’m sure it also felt good. Glad you got to be more open, small steps always help.
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Default Jan 14, 2020 at 03:10 PM
  #10
I think it is just basic human nature to desire to be right all the time. After all, these are your thoughts and ideas and feeling that those views are incorrect makes people feel flawed in some way. Some people have the humility to accept imperfection and some people have all manners of defending themselves from this conclusion.

I think the majority of people have been conditioned to think that being incorrect is bad in someway instead of finding it as an opportunity to improve themselves.
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Default Jan 14, 2020 at 04:09 PM
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I think it is just basic human nature to desire to be right all the time. After all, these are your thoughts and ideas and feeling that those views are incorrect makes people feel flawed in some way. Some people have the humility to accept imperfection and some people have all manners of defending themselves from this conclusion.

I think the majority of people have been conditioned to think that being incorrect is bad in someway instead of finding it as an opportunity to improve themselves.
Yeah true, I agree.
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Default Jan 14, 2020 at 11:15 PM
  #12
Yes, a lot of people are literally taught to fear being wrong. Often the worst parents are teachers, psychiatrists, and psychologists in that they are always correcting their children instead of being actual cheerleaders and focusing on whatever the child gets right.

I ONLY got an 80, OMG I ONLY got a 70. Should instead be OMG MOM LOOK HOW MANY I GOT RIGHT.

I raised a child that struggled with dyslexia. My child actually had a high IQ, but she learned differently. My focus was not on her being "perfect" BUT instead getting excited about how much she got right. I always made it a point to advocate for her when it came to sitting and talking to her teachers. As a result, my daughter ended up loving "learning" even though it was harder for her.

I also learned there are a lot of highly educated JERKS out there. Know it alls that can't actually "do it" though they love to preach it and instruct others. Education is about creating a genuine thrust for "learning" it's about teaching children/students to "learn how to learn". It's because of how so many teachers and parents focus on what's not right that so many grow to fear being wrong.
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 08:09 AM
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I admit to being wrong or being insensitive and believe strongly in apologizing or making amends. I do not know if the people you describe fear being wrong as much as they fear doing the work to make amends or apologize. I dont mean you have to debase yourself and grovel but there is power and freedom to being wrong and admitting it. Maybe people like that do feel its a flaw or have issues admitting them. I always felt that people that had a strong desire to be right even shutting out facts that "prove" they are wrong feared being vunerable. I do not know if its past trauma or abuse history or even bad role models. Maybe youre right and it is fear, I feel like I have talked in circles.

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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 08:19 AM
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Yes, a lot of people are literally taught to fear being wrong. Often the worst parents are teachers, psychiatrists, and psychologists in that they are always correcting their children instead of being actual cheerleaders and focusing on whatever the child gets right.

I ONLY got an 80, OMG I ONLY got a 70. Should instead be OMG MOM LOOK HOW MANY I GOT RIGHT.

I raised a child that struggled with dyslexia. My child actually had a high IQ, but she learned differently. My focus was not on her being "perfect" BUT instead getting excited about how much she got right. I always made it a point to advocate for her when it came to sitting and talking to her teachers. As a result, my daughter ended up loving "learning" even though it was harder for her.

I also learned there are a lot of highly educated JERKS out there. Know it alls that can't actually "do it" though they love to preach it and instruct others. Education is about creating a genuine thrust for "learning" it's about teaching children/students to "learn how to learn". It's because of how so many teachers and parents focus on what's not right that so many grow to fear being wrong.
Yep I totally agree. They can be the worst parents. Also parents that were in the military, like my dad, where nothing you do is right, and may even come from harsh parents themselves can be this way. This can lead to someone forming a know-it-all complex. It can be very annoying.
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 08:24 AM
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I admit to being wrong or being insensitive and believe strongly in apologizing or making amends. I do not know if the people you describe fear being wrong as much as they fear doing the work to make amends or apologize. I dont mean you have to debase yourself and grovel but there is power and freedom to being wrong and admitting it. Maybe people like that do feel its a flaw or have issues admitting them. I always felt that people that had a strong desire to be right even shutting out facts that "prove" they are wrong feared being vunerable. I do not know if its past trauma or abuse history or even bad role models. Maybe youre right and it is fear, I feel like I have talked in circles.
Oh you are fine, I totally get where you are coming from. Yeah sometimes they just don't want to deal with apologizing. That can be an effort. But yeah, in other cases like if someone is an arrogant know-it-all, then yeah it is a legitimate fear. I knew a couple people in college that were like that. They feared being wrong enough to the point where if someone called them out on it, they would respond with extreme anger and would appear very shaken up and clearly distressed. So yeah, it all depends on the individual's personality and how they were raised.
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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 08:49 PM
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I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to give part of my experience of life.

When I was younger, a teen and in my twenties, I remember being very self conscious, very worried about being wrong - in my speech and actions, behaviours - always self examining, criticizing & self-criticizing, too. And looking back, all I can say is that it was because I still didn't know who I was as a person, I was still finding my way. And, so, it was very easy to fear being wrong - because people, at first, want to right: they want to be right to who they are as people. But this fear, again, in my experience, can be exaggerated by, perhaps, a sense of shame and humiliation carried in one's mind. Because I think we're all looking for what's right.

So, basically, yes, I can see how people fear being wrong on many levels. Just look at politics, too, and what happens there. Fear, fear, fear - it's everywhere you look.

Just my opinions.
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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 09:57 PM
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I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to give part of my experience of life.

When I was younger, a teen and in my twenties, I remember being very self conscious, very worried about being wrong - in my speech and actions, behaviours - always self examining, criticizing & self-criticizing, too. And looking back, all I can say is that it was because I still didn't know who I was as a person, I was still finding my way. And, so, it was very easy to fear being wrong - because people, at first, want to right: they want to be right to who they are as people. But this fear, again, in my experience, can be exaggerated by, perhaps, a sense of shame and humiliation carried in one's mind. Because I think we're all looking for what's right.

So, basically, yes, I can see how people fear being wrong on many levels. Just look at politics, too, and what happens there. Fear, fear, fear - it's everywhere you look.

Just my opinions.
Yeah true. I can see where you're coming from. That makes sense and I can see how that plays a lot into fear. Yeah, politics involves lots of fear, same with the military.
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