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Mountaindewed
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 03:06 PM
  #1
I had a good therapist when I was 14-16 in residential treatment. I contacted her when I was 18 In 2011 just to tell her I was doing good. She responded and asked if I would have lunch with her. She asked again in 2012 and I left it at that. Then she friended me on Facebook in 2018. Which I thought was kinda weird. She wanted to have lunch again. I thought ok. She told me “don’t tell any of those other girls on your Facebook your friends with me.” She commented on basically every one of my posts. Mind you she’s about 70 years old now. Then maybe 10 months ago she sent me some really odd messages in messagener. I couldn’t tell if she was acting weird or if she got hacked or something. But I deleted her and blocked her. Then today at work I got a call from her. It was totally unexpected. I let it go to voicemail and then went into the bathroom to listen to it. She said she hadn’t been able to reach me because she had been doing the rounds in the hospitals but when the weather would get nicer she would drag me down with her to a restaurant. I literally freaked out. Mind you I was at work. The whole “drag me down with her” thing freaked me out. Plus the hospital comments. I simplified the situation to my boss. Mentioned an odd teacher giving me trouble. My boss and I have a great relationship. I said I had to call my mom. I was very very frightened. My mom was at yoga. I ended up reaching my aunt who was with her. My aunt gave the phone to my mom who calmed me down. When work was over my mom listened to the message and said that it did sound like she just wanted to have lunch again but that her behavior overall is very odd. She blocked her number for me.

But I just don’t get it. Why is this happening? I’ve heard of clients stalking former therapists but never the other way around.

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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 03:56 PM
  #2
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I had a good therapist when I was 14-16 in residential treatment. I contacted her when I was 18 In 2011 just to tell her I was doing good. She responded and asked if I would have lunch with her. She asked again in 2012 and I left it at that. Then she friended me on Facebook in 2018. Which I thought was kinda weird. She wanted to have lunch again. I thought ok. She told me “don’t tell any of those other girls on your Facebook your friends with me.” She commented on basically every one of my posts. Mind you she’s about 70 years old now. Then maybe 10 months ago she sent me some really odd messages in messagener. I couldn’t tell if she was acting weird or if she got hacked or something. But I deleted her and blocked her. Then today at work I got a call from her. It was totally unexpected. I let it go to voicemail and then went into the bathroom to listen to it. She said she hadn’t been able to reach me because she had been doing the rounds in the hospitals but when the weather would get nicer she would drag me down with her to a restaurant. I literally freaked out. Mind you I was at work. The whole “drag me down with her” thing freaked me out. Plus the hospital comments. I simplified the situation to my boss. Mentioned an odd teacher giving me trouble. My boss and I have a great relationship. I said I had to call my mom. I was very very frightened. My mom was at yoga. I ended up reaching my aunt who was with her. My aunt gave the phone to my mom who calmed me down. When work was over my mom listened to the message and said that it did sound like she just wanted to have lunch again but that her behavior overall is very odd. She blocked her number for me.


But I just don’t get it. Why is this happening? I’ve heard of clients stalking former therapists but never the other way around.


Given the age...possibility of dementia?

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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 06:34 PM
  #3
Something is wrong and I agree with Sometimes psychotic. It might be dementia. I hope that you can work out someway for her to stop contacting you.
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 09:43 PM
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I'm glad you blocked her number and on facebook too. The idea that she may have dementia is very plausible. Something is off.
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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 10:44 AM
  #5
Dementia was my first thought too.

Good for you for blocking her. If she manages to reach you again how about telling her politely, but directly, you do not want any further contact?
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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 02:17 PM
  #6
Could also be an addiction issue with suppressed inhibitions. Ambien is really, really good at doing that. Among other drugs.

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Default Feb 02, 2020 at 12:09 AM
  #7
I talked with someone who also knows her. She said that she knows she’s a very caring person but that it’s weird to be sending me a lot of messages and then to call me when I’ve blocked her. She said it was good to block her. My boss was like “block her from everything” lol.

Kinda a stretch. But on her Facebook she was posting a lot of weird stuff on other people’s pages about being attracted to lesbian gym teachers and things of that nature. I’m wondering if she is attracted to me? I’ve had women hit on me before and they do weird **** like that. I had an ex coworker at my current job and she never said anything but it was very obvious based on her behavior towards me.

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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 10:07 AM
  #8
Mountaindewed, it absolutely sounds like disconcerting behavior from your former therapist. I agree that blocking her was a good mood. We can't know if she has dementia (or something else), but the behavior is an inappropriate countertransference of some sort. I agree with others that if she continues to strive to contact you that you must nicely tell her to stop all contact. If she persists, you will need to perhaps go even further (contact authorities). The latter sounds rough, and should be a last resort, but could be necessary. This situation is not good for you, and isn't good for her either.
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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 11:39 AM
  #9
Hello MountainDewed,

Thank you for sharing this and I hope you are well.

I would say that your former therapists' behavior is certainly cause for concern - in this - I wanted you to pat yourself on the back for recognizing that something wasn't quite right.

To put it bluntly, you did the right thing.


I wanted to express some insight I had in terms of the hypothetical situation in which you agreed to meet your therapist and was groomed into an abusive relationship.

Unfortunately, not everyone recognizes red flags, and even if they did become aware and had the ability to discern danger from not danger, they still might choose to ignore the red flags in favor of meeting unmet needs, and in desperation, might cling to their former therapist as a safe attachment figure the moment an offer is made. A former therapist who you have a positive rapport with is absolutely a safe attachment figure; and your therapist knows this... And considering that your former therapist knows about all of your vulnerabilities, it makes you extremely vulnerable and easy to groom you into an unethical relationship if that is what she desires. If this happens, you could get stuck in painful trauma bonding, where you remained attached and unable to leave the relationship, even if it becomes abusive... Once she abuses you, you may distance, but in response she might This will amount to immense pain and suffering when you realize the true extent of exploitation being utilized by your therapist. Only you can discern whether or not this is malicious, or a sincere attempt to support and potentially reminisce with an old therapist. As much as our guts tell us things - it is important to remember the difference between red flags, yellow flags and green flags.


Did your therapist ever cause you any concerns when you were still in treatment? If not - use that as evidence. I know that in some cases, ethics permit former therapists to interact with clients (non-sexually) after 2 years has passed after treatment ceases. I think you made the right choice: and better to be safe than sorry. The other thing that could happen, is that with the different circumstances surrounding the re-connection (if it ever happened), would the new set of boundaries be okay with you.


I think you did the right thing. I hope you can hold your positive interactions in mind when you think of you therapist in the future. Try not to let this spoil the positive impact that the two of you had on one another.


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Last edited by HD7970GHZ; Feb 05, 2020 at 12:24 PM..
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Tongue Feb 09, 2020 at 07:54 PM
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I had a situation where my psychiatrist told me to get a new doctor because he wanted to date me. I got a different doctor only because he freaked me out but he thought we were going to date. I didn't think anything of it but I got a friend suggestion on Facebook. I don't think it's a big deal because it's been years and he's married now and he doesn't make the suggestions does he...
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