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Shivani
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Default Feb 09, 2020 at 10:08 AM
  #1
Hello everyone!

I am a 30+ female. I have a problem and don't know where to seek for help but I think this is related to psychology. I have never read or heard anywhere about this problem and have never met a person with the same problem.

I don't know how to explain this but basically I don't know how to talk. I usually don't talk much and when I do talk the words and phrases that I use are very simple. English is not my first language but even in my own language my speech is very simple. Because of this, I am not able to make new friends or find a permanent partner. Sometimes people talk to me, maybe once or twice but then they see that I don't know how to talk (not an interesting person) and they don't talk to me anymore.

I have read that sometimes people who have problems making friends or just in general being with people might have some psychological issues eg. they have had some bad experiences. But in my case it's not that because I have always been like this. For as long as I remember. Besides, I haven't experienced anything really bad. So, now the question is how to find out the reason that is causing this problem? Maybe there is some kind of damage in my brain? What can be other reasons? Seeing a psychologist is not an option for me at the moment. I won't explain why otherwise this post will be too long. I hope someone can help me because I don't know how to continue my life with this problem.
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Smile Feb 09, 2020 at 05:30 PM
  #2
Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC, Shivani. Welcome to Psych Central. We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I'm not going to be able to offer anything regarding what may be behind your difficulty talking. (Perhaps other PC members will have some thoughts they'll wish to share.)

One thing you might do, here on PC, would be to take some of the quizzes & tests that are on offer. There's a link to them in the banner at the top of the page. However here's an additional link as well:

Psychological Quizzes and Tests

Here's a link to an "Ask the Therapist" column, from Psych Central's archives, where the therapist discusses a bit about language disorders & provides links to some relevant websites as well as links to articles on Language Disorder & Expressive Language Disorder:

Difficulty Communicating & Processing Information - Ask the Therapist

Language Disorder

Expressive Language Disorder Symptoms

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Feb 09, 2020 at 05:43 PM
  #3
Hi Shivani,

Welcome to Psych Central Forums.

This is a very interesting question and topic you bring up, and I can relate. I have many fumbles in conversation and speech etc, and am quite awkward sometimes. It makes for good comic relief in conversation. I do not come across as a good writer who is interesting and thoughtful, unless someone spends time with me and gets to know me, and appreciates these qualities. But I digress. Your issues with in person conversation may not be the same as mine, but there's a similarity, and I wanted to bring it up, and I wanted to tell you that I think your writing here is very good, and I don't want to downplay that, because everyone has strengths (and weaknesses, unfortunately!), and I wonder if...you are focusing on your weaknesses much more of the time. And I was wondering, if you may have difficulty accepting yourself for who you are, liking yourself, appreciating yourself, I was wondering basically, if you struggle with your self esteem? Do you?

That all being said, you asked some questions. I of course, not being a doctor or psychologist, could not begin to know. As a layperson psychology nerd who has experience with mental health issues themselves, I could guess though. Here are my guesses, thoughts and some questions for you: could you be an inhibited person? Are you shy? How old are you? I'm just wondering if you're younger, and may have difficulty accepting yourself for who you are. You said people seem to think you're not interesting. Could it be something else? Maybe it is true that you don't know how to make engaging conversation or know how to really make friends and keep them. There's no shame in that. We all have things we need to work on.


Regarding your worry that you have some sort of brain damage, that is totally something that I myself would worry about, as an anxious person. You cannot really know this though, unless you go to a doctor and have them test you. Sometimes going to the doctor to have a test done, can ease my own mind when I'm worried. I don't know if that's an option for you? At the same time, try not to scare yourself! We all as humans come in different flavors.


Hang in there. You sound interesting to me, and I'm sure there's a solution for you.




Edit: Apologies Shivani! I see that you said in your first sentence that you are 30+ . I missed seeing that the first time!

Last edited by WovenGalaxy; Feb 09, 2020 at 05:56 PM..
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Default Feb 09, 2020 at 05:51 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC, Shivani. Welcome to Psych Central. We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I'm not going to be able to offer anything regarding what may be behind your difficulty talking. (Perhaps other PC members will have some thoughts they'll wish to share.)

One thing you might do, here on PC, would be to take some of the quizzes & tests that are on offer. There's a link to them in the banner at the top of the page. However here's an additional link as well:

Psychological Quizzes and Tests

Here's a link to an "Ask the Therapist" column, from Psych Central's archives, where the therapist discusses a bit about language disorders & provides links to some relevant websites as well as links to articles on Language Disorder & Expressive Language Disorder:

Difficulty Communicating & Processing Information - Ask the Therapist

Language Disorder

Expressive Language Disorder Symptoms

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
@Skeezyks , good posting! I don't know anything about language disorders and myself was coming from my own perspective (related to anxiety). Interesting!
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Tongue Feb 10, 2020 at 01:59 PM
  #5
Sounds like a language impairment. You would have to have gotten help for that by age eleven or twelve. I have one. It helps me when I read books and increase my vocabulary. I have a son with a language impairment too and we talk all the time. Talk to someone who cares it makes all the difference. You write just fine.
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Default Feb 10, 2020 at 02:05 PM
  #6
Going by how you wrote you post, you DO know how to talk and communicate quite well!!. Maybe the topics you like to talk about, is over other peoples heads, and it is to hard for them to comprehend and respond to.

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Default Feb 10, 2020 at 02:40 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani View Post
Hello everyone!

I am a 30+ female. I have a problem and don't know where to seek for help but I think this is related to psychology. I have never read or heard anywhere about this problem and have never met a person with the same problem.

I don't know how to explain this but basically I don't know how to talk. I usually don't talk much and when I do talk the words and phrases that I use are very simple. English is not my first language but even in my own language my speech is very simple. Because of this, I am not able to make new friends or find a permanent partner. Sometimes people talk to me, maybe once or twice but then they see that I don't know how to talk (not an interesting person) and they don't talk to me anymore.

I have read that sometimes people who have problems making friends or just in general being with people might have some psychological issues eg. they have had some bad experiences. But in my case it's not that because I have always been like this. For as long as I remember. Besides, I haven't experienced anything really bad. So, now the question is how to find out the reason that is causing this problem? Maybe there is some kind of damage in my brain? What can be other reasons? Seeing a psychologist is not an option for me at the moment. I won't explain why otherwise this post will be too long. I hope someone can help me because I don't know how to continue my life with this problem.
English is not my native language either. I can tell you that it is very very hard to master a different language, let alone where one has so many words that sound the same but mean different things and are spelled differently. example there, their, they're and add internet versions of the same word Thare, thr, thar the list goes on, spoken English language and written and texting/ postings are all different.

what helped me was contacting language centers, colleges and taking ESL (English as a Second Language) courses. I also enrolled in literacy programs like here in America we have a program called Literacy Volunteers. where people actually meet with me to practice my written and spoken English. I have been working on this for quite some time and am finally feeling like I cam be considered "fluent" in the English language.

my suggestion is ask your treatment providers if they know of any speech and language programs and centers that can help you with your ESL needs.
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Default Feb 10, 2020 at 10:59 PM
  #8
Maybe the problem is talking, not language. It is for me. I'm not so bad at talking, also lifetime training in masking. But my issue is that I can't multitask thinking what I want to say, and making sounds at the same time. Most people are surprised I have an issue because I do talk quite OK... in a way. I use thousand filler words and I never say anything sane, but people are good at piecing it together.

Talking for me is like when my mom knits and watches TV at the same time. It shouldn't be possible.

I can think and type at the same time, because I can multitask that one well. I can even listen in on what someone says, at the same time as I type to someone else something completely different. People say that it's not doable.

I guess it just varies in what we can multitask and not.

The OP might have a totally different reason why they cannot talk well, but at least I told you about my reason.

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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 06:03 AM
  #9
Welcome!

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Default Feb 13, 2020 at 10:00 AM
  #10
Hello and welcome!
Have you ever read something about Aspergers syndrome? It's usually diagnosed in boys but there are many women who have the traits, too. Aspergers has a little different symptoms in females and many of them go undiagnosed. You might try googling Aspergers in females and think whether it sounds familiar.
Your writing is great and i see no sign of language impairment in it. On the contrary, it shows an advanced level of English.

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Default Feb 13, 2020 at 04:05 PM
  #11
Welcome

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