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kitkat98
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Trig Apr 02, 2020 at 01:09 PM
  #1
My friend has PTSD
Possible trigger:
Her excuse is that "he was so drunk he didn't know he did it." Is this a normal response? Is this an underlying mental health issue or could it be an additional one? How do I talk to her about it?

Last edited by bluekoi; Apr 02, 2020 at 07:30 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon. Apply trigger code.
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Default Apr 03, 2020 at 10:30 AM
  #2
Dear kitkat98,

I am so very, very sorry that happened to your friend. How absolutely dreadful!

Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful but sadly I am at a loss. I read someplace that those who suffer trauma at the hands of others can sometimes still have feelings for those who have victimized them and can make excuses for them because of their feelings.

But since I am not a physician or medical professional and since my memory is not very good, this is not something you or anyone should rely upon.

Even with all that science has given us over the years, the human brain is still very mysterious. So many books and articles in neurology and psychology often contain the words: "the human brain is still poorly understood." These are works often written by the best minds in the field.

One famous neurologist once said: "The brain seems to have a mind of its own."

Our brains and the brains of other people often surprise us. Sometimes the brain prompts people to do things which are contradictory. I think there are sayings in your English language for this phenomenon, such as "love-hate relationship."

People often seem to run on "autopilot" so to speak in the sense that they take seriously whatever pops into their minds without seriously reflecting on it or deliberating about it.

People often seem to be illogical in the sense of holding contrary views at the same time as in things like Stockholm Syndrome. People often find themselves doing things which violate their own moral principles.

Perhaps your friend has ambivalent feelings about the situation you described. It is so difficult to know sometimes what is going on in a person's mind. There are probably trillions of things that go into many thoughts, feelings and decisions: genetics, millions of events from the past and so on.

Is your friend in the care of a physician and/or therapist for her PTSD? Is she receiving treatment? You might consider consulting a psychotherapist to learn the best way to handle the situation you describe.

One can often just see a therapist for a brief meeting to discuss a very specific issue and they often have a wealth of information and insight. They can often direct one to resources too that can be helpful, such as books and articles.

I think there are online therapists on the internet too. Not sure if they are reputable and reliable, but perhaps that might be helpful in some way.

I am sorry that I do not have the knowledge, experience and insight to help you. Hopefully others here will have better and more helpful words for you than mine.

What your friend suffered is horrible and I want to say again how very, very sorry I am that this happened to her. I think she is lucky to have a friend like you in her life.

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen
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Default Apr 03, 2020 at 10:54 AM
  #3
Sadly many people excuse inappropriate or even criminal behaviors because the perpetrator was drunk or high. Sadly unless your friend asks you for help, you can’t do anything. If she asks for help, recommend her to see a therapist.
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Default Apr 03, 2020 at 12:24 PM
  #4
I'm not sure what this would be or what it would be called. Maybe denial? Or maybe she is just not in a good place right now. You could just tell her you're concerned, and tell her why, in a kind and non-shaming way.
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Smile Apr 03, 2020 at 12:51 PM
  #5
Hello KitKat: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. One forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Partners of People & Caregivers forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/partn...ivers-support/

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't offer you anything definitive with regard to what's going on with your friend. Given what she's been through, she really ought to be seeing a trauma therapist I would think.

You asked how you talk to her about what she experienced. My personal opinion is you don't. She needs professional help. My thought would be to simply let her know you're available to talk (which means primarily listen), or in other ways provide support, to whatever extent you feel you can. Then let her take it from there.

Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help to you in understanding what may be going on here:

What is Trauma Bonding?

How to Recognize the Signs of Trauma Bonding

Healing from a Trauma Bond

The Clinician's Guide to Helping Client's Heal from Trauma Bonds: Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...ship-patterns/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/repeti...peat-the-past/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...-being-abused/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. One thing you might do is to provide your friend with a link to the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline:

https://www.rainn.org/about-national...ephone-hotline

1 (800) 656-4673 (HOPE)

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Default Apr 03, 2020 at 01:28 PM
  #6
Excellent suggestions skeezyk
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