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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2020
Location: the desert, U.S.
Posts: 12
3 65 hugs
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#1
i’ve been formally diagnosed with anxiety, depression, substance abuse/addiction, and gender dysphoria and am in treatment for all of the above. an overarching theme regarding not just these diagnoses but a lot of other things in my life has been a sense of overwhelming guilt.
i used to self harm to cope with my emotions in what i felt was a “harmless” way in the sense that i didn’t have to hurt anyone else with my hurt, if that makes sense. i didn’t have to pass on the burden. after starting therapy after my parents discovering my self harm, i was relieved to finally be diagnosed and not just be “lazy and unmotivated” for no good reason other than that being my personality, yet i feel guilt even being diagnosed. it feels as if my being depressed and having anxiety and abusing substances and myself undermines the greater suffering of others, though i know that’s not true. i’m a privileged person who has been given many opportunities that my peers whom are less fortunate have been denied. my mom always talked about how other people have it worse so we should be grateful, and while i know and believe she’s right, i know that if i was a different person and talking to myself, i would treat me with kindness and not devalue that pain. it’s still so hard to not invalidate myself and continue to try and be a productive and well-functioning person when all my actions lead back to me feeling guilt for whatever i said or did wrong (something embarrassing, selfish, ignorant, anything like that). this makes my anxiety worse because i constantly overthink things and in turn my depression worse as i can’t seem to deal with my mistakes, insignificantly small or terribly grave. this was terribly long winded but if anyone has any tips for dealing with feelings of guilt that haunt them constantly, i would be forever in your debt. __________________ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? |
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avlady, bpcyclist, mote.of.soul
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bpcyclist, Iloivar, Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
I carry around an ocean-liner's-worth of guilt & shame. My go-to practice for coping with it is a Buddhist practice referred to as compassionate abiding. Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:
Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything May it be of benefit. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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96reppirtyad, bpcyclist
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96reppirtyad, bpcyclist, mote.of.soul
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2020
Location: the desert, U.S.
Posts: 12
3 65 hugs
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#3
[QUOTE=Skeezyks;6853967]
thank you so so much! i’m definitely going to check that out. __________________ are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? |
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avlady, bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: angola ny
Posts: 9,786
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#4
I hate guilt, it ruined my life until i could let go of it. what i did was go to talk to a priest. told my problem, he helped me through it. i know many people are angry with priests now, but i went anyway. I hope you can solve your guilt problem, you don't have to see a priest like i did but just talking about whats making you hurt can be a great help.
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bpcyclist, mote.of.soul
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bpcyclist
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681
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#5
Guilt = I did a bad thing.
Shame = I am bad. I used to teach a course on shame resilience when I was in the hospital for a long time. I highly recommed getting the book we used by renowned University of Houston empathy researcher Brene Brown. It is called I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't). Brene has many youtube videos and audio pieces and Ted Talks and stuff you can also check out. I have found her thinking and research to be of huge practical value to those of us suffering in this arena. Highly recommnended. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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96reppirtyad, mote.of.soul
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96reppirtyad, possum220
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