[Fensard]

Test result, therapy results and hospital diagnosis result that is stacked over 15 years tells me that I must visit the psychologist or doctors while also saying that I'm in critical state. Some hospital even doubt if I'm telling the truth due to incredibly high negative points on the tests.
But... I don't know.
While all those results tells me that I have incredibly high chance to commit those "wrong choices" in no time, I've dwell on these result for a decade, or even longer.
While I do imagine of all those "wrong choices" even while sitting still in an empty room, all being possible, I just... Can't do it.
I always doubt I'll succeed that action; even the method I am imagining, has a high fatality rate, and worried I'll fail and face the terrible outcome from the failure.
I'm always exhausted, even breathing I'm taking is tiresome. That much exhaustion prevents me to commit such actions, ironically.
In these cases... Am I really in danger of facing death?
Is it really that critical if I'm in a state that I can't do such things?

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Although you didn't come right out & say it, I presume you're talking about suicidal thoughts here? Honestly, at least personally, I don't feel it would be appropriate to advise you with regard to this subject matter. I think you really need to reach out for the help you need to whatever mental health professionals you have in your life. Please take care...