Coping with old emotions and memories

Hi, Im new to this forum. During this lockdown I managed to cope somehow with things in the spring, but when the summer come, I had a dream about one of my old schoolmates from the beginner school. I started to remember everyone of them and all summer was looking in Facebook to find someone. I grew in very good district, maybe the best district in Sofia, Bulgaria. my childhood was in 90s, so maybe the best. It was local school, so almost all of them were from the same district. I have very good memories from there. When I was 3rd grade my father came one night and told us that leaving abroad. It was very cool, but it was the end of the school year. So, I didn't know where I'm going, what will be how long I will stay and etc... So, I couldn;t tell to my schoolmates, only to my teacher. I left and during these 3 years where I was abroad I only visited Bulgaria in the summertime. I've seen then only couple of them in this time and especially they were my friends. In 1998 we had to return back. Years were not easy for all country, there was crisis. So, when I returned back people were not so happy as before I left. I need to went to 7th grade and prepare for the gymnasium exams. We needed to choose school and maybe new, so we started to look for new one. I told my old schoolmate who was leaving very close to me that maybe I won't come back. No, really why to change school, when you can go to a private teacher. Still I don't know the reason to leave the old friends and went to another school when you can go to a private teacher and prepare for the math exam. I can't tell that forgot about my old schoolmates, I even went to the school before the beginning of the school and I wanted to see some old teachers there, but one ****ing and disgusting guard told me that I can only enter if I'm going to register in the school So after that, I've never went to see the old classmates. Only those, which I've met in the district, but after 3 years I kinda forgot about them. Im kinda very closed person, so some of them I even avoid them. I've lost very close person to me and my childhood and actually connected to my classmates - she was having some contact with my classmates during these 3 years. I still, even at 30 years feel very guilty about that decision. Consequences I feel today. Not that in the new class wasn't cool. I can tell that I had some problems with the new ones, I can tell that I'm ugly, not so beautiful like the others. So there were insults about some parts of my body. Especially my face. For a period of almost 3 months I'm dealing with these memories and I cant overcome them. When I was small actually I wasn't that ugly. I remember that even girls were liking me. Even the girl I fell in love in the first class was kinda very nice to me. All the 90s were very cool and I miss them so badly.

Hello Banjaluka: Thank you for sharing your experiences. I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Welcome to the forum, Banjaluka.

Hello Banjaluka!

I, too, miss the '90's. It was a productive and fun decade for me, overall. I try not to dwell on this, but it seems that since 2000 arrived life has become more stressful.

I think that everyone has times we would like to return to.