Tidy home, tidy mind?

We're missing a post! Where'd it go?

I'm just LOVING all the validating responses! This is a GREAT thread!
Growing up, we lived in a small 4 room house on Coal River in Boone County, WV. I was the older of the two of us, me and my sister, two years younger. I was always the one who had to clean the house, see that supper was ready for my parents when they came home from work. One time when I tried to get my younger sis to help me, she knocked me down and bloodied my nose! I could never understand why sis was allowed to go out and play while I had to stay inside and do housework. I think that is a large reason why I resent doing housework! Also, when I was married, my husband would go around checking for dust on furniture! When his mother and sister came to visit, I felt their disapproval. Now...being single and free, I just do what I want ...when I want!

Okay, I would vacuum more often, especially if I had children with allergies and /or asthma. (Very frank question: Are you sure you're supposed to have pets? Bird dander can be terribly iritating for many people, as can cat or dog dander.) Just gotta ask.

The other thing is, I love things clean, too. And got a lot of unfair blame for "messes" when I was growing up (also shared a bedroom with my sister). I wasn't stealthy or clever enough to always clean when Mom was watching (lil sis was!). I did it then the same way I do it now---cleaning as I go, working on different areas on different days. A little at a time, then things don't get too terribly out of hand.

And I will say, it NEVER did get out of hand when I was single, living alone. Everything was organized and had a place. Having a man to tidy up after has left me feeling that old resentment again at times. (He was SO neat and tidy when I met him.....whaaahhhappened????) He is so spoiled.

So, I do ask for help now (am not afraid anymore), when I really need it. Just on projects I know he can handle---otherwise, it'll have to be done twice.

The one who has asthma doesn't actually live with us, he is my husbands son and stays every other weekend. His mum has cats and always has done. I had my two cats before we even met, the bird we got a while back. I'm unsure of if they affect him hugely, difficult to know because he was like that before we got the bird and has always been around cats. As far as I know, his doctor hasn't advised he shouldn't be around pets. I think part of the problem was until I told her otherwise, his mum wasn't using his medication properly so he wasn't benefitting from it as he should have been. He has the blue and brown pumps, the blue one should always be used first to open up his airways then the brown one, to gain the most effect from it. I've read up about it and apparently the brown one should by now have eliminated most of his symptoms if used properly. But because she wasn't using the blue one first he wasn't getting the full benefit from the brown one. This has since changed, after I told her that she should use blue first, last time he came down he hardly coughed at all whereas before he would cough so much he'd end up being sick. We don't allow the bird to fly around when he's here for those couple of days and we vacuum up any seeds or feathers that may have escaped his cage every day. We also keep the cats away from him at all times and remind the other children that they need to do the same with him.
With our LOs bronchitis, I'm not sure what could aggravate it, I know smoke can but we smoke outside, change clothes and wash hands after to minimise anything on us. Not sure about fur and stuff though. We haven't been told by the hospital, I think if it was a major risk factor they'd have said something, but still it's good to be sure it's all vacuumed away anyway

Maybe somebody tidied up the thread?

I know this sounds like something you'd see in a cartoon, but sometimes I get this image in my head, of holding up a vacuum hose at the door to a room (like my own), and sucking in all the dust and dirt, leaving everything neat and clean. Of course, no vacuum is strong enough to do that, and even if there were, it would suck papers, bags, and whatever isn't heavy and nailed down.

My mother is one of those compulsive types. Her house always looks beautiful, but she's constantly fussing over it, rethinking this and rearranging that. Nothing stays where it is for a week straight. By contrast, my husband and I have lived in this house for a year and a half, and not once has anything been rearranged. When a picture gets hung, it stays where we put it, instead of being moved from here to there until it looks just right, the way my mother does. And the same applied to the mobile home we lived in before we bought this house. I think we lived there four years, and we never rearranged a thing.

As a kid, when we redecorated the house, did I have any say over the colors of my bedroom? Nope. All her choice. I was only 12. What did I know? Today I watch those home redesign shows on HGTV, and I see the designer redoing a kid's room and asking the kid what he/she likes. Hahahahaha. Didn't happen in my childhood. That's why the room my sister and I shared was done in browns, golds, and yellows. To this day my mother prefers those colors. But I never did. I would have wanted blues, greens, and violets, but she didn't care what I wanted. Even if we were only fantasizing about "the house we'd like to move into some day," if I described how I wanted my room to look, she'd criticize it as not fitting in to the rest of the house. It all had to be about what she liked, to hell with everyone else's tastes.

Never mind it being impossible to keep a room picked up if my sister lives in it, if I was a bit lackadaisical myself about keeping the room clean, it was because I didn't feel it was "my" space. It was hers. I just slept there. And if anyone were to question my mother about this, I can just see her mouth dropping open in shock that anyone would see anything wrong with the way she did it. "But you were a child, and I was your mother. Of course you didn't get a say. Children are supposed to do as their parents tell them to do."

OK, so why did I end up having to move thousands of miles away to get her to stop feeling entitled to rearrange and redecorate my house, without my permission, after I'm an adult and living in my own place instead of with her? In fact I was well into my forties and she was still "gifting me" with things to redecorate my place, without giving me a say. Those things were in her taste, not mine. Then she had the gall to tell me I should thank her for the service, instead of complaining about it. Well, to her credit, she almost did call it OCD by name. "I don't know how to stop."

i deleted my post- because I thought I wrote too much.

I just really relate with the idea of "keeping the home clean" but yet, never is it kept clean.

whether it be subconscious, or in worse case the thought of "my job"/"reflection" because I am female, or me feeling better when it is clean--- whatever it is, sometimes it seems futile, other times i just tackle it, other times i am like "i give up!".. learning also my "opinion on clean is my opinion"; my S/O has a different opinion of what clean is


Many Kudos to you Neptune though-- because I can't imagine mom's and dad's that have kids and trying to keep their place clean I have no kids, so many kudos to you for trying your best with it all (and all parents)

I made a comment with agreeing with Museum ghost that she mentioned here, with some people that keep a really clean place aren't that happy or they are rather judgmental and opinionated My mom would fit that and when I got older her place was spotless... I often times wondered after I got older, if she had a touch of OCD (Or it could be part of the whole control personality she had) because if I were to clean something, it was never good enough and she would go and re-clean what I had just cleaned-- which at the time never came across as her problem but more of "I can't do anything right".

Any who --

Laundry is a chore that is never done unless you are spending a free spirit naked day because even if you get everything washed, you have laundry on you and your s/o's and kids

be well all,

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s

I recently purchased new mattress and box springs thru USAMattress online! I gave the old mattress (which was only 6 months old and clean as a whistle, but uncomfortable to me) to a charity. When the old mattress was removed, before the delivery of the new ones, I was SHOCKED to see all the dirt and pet hair that had accumulated under the bed and along the bedrails. I used my vacuum to clean the entire area. When the fellas delivered the new mattress, one of the guys commented on "how clean" it was! LOL! He said people who have pets usually have the worst-looking beds. I told him I have three HAIRY ones, who sleep on my bed, but I had cleaned before he arrived. It made me kinda proud!

For Neptune:

I hope I didn't come off too critical. I didn't mean to. It actually sounds like you do an awesome job of keeping after everything, even all the small stuff.

You should feel GREAT about keeping after everything so well. You are taking care of what matters most.



Some people (I don't judge them, because they just might not know better; raised that way), might never make the connection between the animals and the asthma. (I know they're out there; I have met them!) Perfectly lovely in every way, except they just aren't aware.

I was raised in a home where we had to clean constantly; never spent a Saturday morning out playing; it seemed like we were always cleaning; and all the dusting and vacuuming came down to me because I was the oldest girl, and didn't have any symptoms. I was also in charge of mowing the lawn, raking it, and doing the bulk of the weeding, for the same reasons. We were never allowed pets until my brother moved out as a teenager, and even then it was one at a time, and they slept in warm beds in the attached garage.

Yeah, my Mom wanted everything to sparkle. No excuse for anything being out of place. It was an endless and thankless chore.



Some people, if they've not been raised being made aware of the little things, and how they affect breathing troubles, never know.

I give you a lot of credit. It sounds like you are on top of everything!

MuseumGhost...your upbringing sounds a lot like mine!

I'm glad someone can relate. I know it was not easy. Perfection was what was expected.

Hard to be perfect as a kid!

The worst part about it is when you aren't just as compulsive as they are, and because you're NOT fussing constantly about the way the house looks, they call you lazy and a slob. And that can carry into adulthood, in your own average-looking house.

My dad was an ****-retentive OCD type (no slam on OCD, I have it too) and nothing was ever good enough.
I agree that a too-clean house can signify underlying issues with disorder.
I also agree that untidiness can signify that either things are going badly, or you're just too busy in life to do chores. Or you just don't care how your house looks. Or, or, or.
Or you live with a partner who has a completely different outlook on chores than you do, and rather than clean up after them all the time you leave it until they do something about it.

My husband had a horrendous upbringing. I think this is why he can never relax and is constantly running around trying to look for things that need to be done in the house. His dad and step mum would beat him to a pulp if he didn't do what they said, he had to do everything in the house and they'd pretty much take it out on him even if something wasn't his fault, they didn't need a reason.

On a lighter note - we bought this steam cleaner that they keep advertising on TV, it's fantastic! We got it primarily because our carpet cleaner is rubbish and it claims to clean carpets perfectly. We have a cream carpet in our living room, four kids and three cats so you can imagine how filthy it looks! Wy we picked cream is beyond me. Well, we tried it on a patch to see what it did and it did make a difference. I think we will use the rubbish one to get as much up as we can first, followed by regular cleaning with the steam cleaner, fingers crossed it'll look more like it should! It has different attachments to it so you can use it on pretty much everything in the home. I used it on our grubby kitchen floor earlier and it was fab! The thing that attracts me most to it is the fact it kills 99% of bacteria. I cannot stand the thought of germs, so if it kills those nasty little wotsits brilliant. Kitchen floor has never looked cleaner. Can't wait to try it on the oven

Sounds wonderful

We are REALLY cramped - this includes a SMALL kitchen, and everything else.
It's just a single wide, single long, trailer - 2 BR, but small ones - and after repaire work I personally have done on it, I am almost sure originally this was a one bedroom, and someone re-designed it.
Anyway, bvack to the point - most cooking (reguardless of the time of year) gets done ouide, between a charcoal grill, and a outdoor propaine stove.... We do use the kitchen stove/oven sometimes (mostly in the winter) but not too often.
And my mind is definately NOT small....