How are you feeling right now #3

Annoyed.

I have all the symptoms that I’m getting my period. But I’m not actually getting it. I’m frustrated.

I feel lousy. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder I with Depression. I thought I was enjoying a temporary upswing in motivation, energy, and productivity. I was waking up earlier (~6:15am), getting dressed and starting my work day. Also, I cut down on alcohol and upped my exercise frequency.

However, all I feel today is anxiety, worry, and a tightness in my chest.

There is a great article that captures my woe:
Do you have small task addiction?
Do you have small task addiction? - Timely

I crave the dopamine addiction from crossing a task off my list, no matter how insignificant.

It's kind of like Lloyd Braun on Seinfeld, who relishes ringing the bell to signify a sale, in the "Serenity Now" episode.
YouTube

Frustrated. I saw a psychiatrist earlier today and it didn't go well. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't essentially "There's nothing wrong with you. You created your own problems, and it's up to you to solve them. Good luck." I need help and didn't get it, so I'll seek help elsewhere. No point dwelling on it.

Psychiatrists are a strange type of human.I think saying there is nothing wrong with you when you go to them to seek help and that you created your own problem and it is up to you to solve them is kind of abusive.We are here on earth in my view to help each other out,if it were not for mental health care and help I would not be here.I created a problem due to hoarding where I had so much stuff in my house and it was a disorganised mess and I was ill and did not have the physical strength to move it out of the house.I couldn't live their either cos it made me upset and confused and mentally ill to see all the clutter......so I called for help and they took me to hospital and the psychiatrist there didn't turn me away he let me stay in hospital and got me help to go to my house every day and sort it a little bit at a time,until my head was straight again and my house was livable. So you see I created the problem but without help I wouldn't have been able to solve it.Keep seeking help Symbolic and you will eventually find a psychiatrist who knows how to help you and is willing to do so.Not all of them care some of them are in the profession cos it gets them a six bedroomed house and a mercedes car in the car park!

I'm still a little tired, but better than yesterday. I'm just not sleeping well...

re: Forgetfulness (thanks for the comment SlumberKitty! Sorry you're brain is spacing out on you too!) - I got up this morning and realized that when I cooked (meatballs) last night, I accidentally left ONE out. Just one! So, 11/12 meatballs made it in to the fridge. It's so weird.

I got to talk to my super smart awesome neuroscience guy last night for a couple minutes to check in, and he's changing the protocols for the neurofeedback again this week (which I expected). I hope he got it when I explained the weird "missing things", because it seems to be happening a lot.

I really wonder what's going on with my brain. He said right now, he's working off the theory that my brain is just a little bit different from everyone elses' (because I've been really sensitive to the NF, and having weird effects that he wouldn't have predicted)... but if I still keep responding weirdly, he's going to throw that theory out, assume my brain is wildly different, and just give me a bunch of other stuff to try, so we can figure out what my brain actually needs/wants to feel good.

The thought that my brain is wildly different from everyone elses... ack. I don't know what to do with that. I still worry that I'm messing something up, but there's not much I can do, except keep trying protocols and seeing how I feel after.

I'm happy it's finally Friday! But stressed about work. My boss is throwing stuff at me, and I'm not 100% clear on what he needs...

Happy Friday everyone!

I am feeling ok right now,my mood is ok,not low or depressed.I had a shower and am headed out soon to go to the cafe and see a film.

Mixed emotions

I'm feeling kind of fragile and a little anxious. Not sure what I'm anxious about. Kit

I feel vulnerable and I need some love and support.

Mixed emotions

A bit lost right now as I spoilt my diet by eating sugar laden ice creme,so disappointed in myself.I will make up for it tomorrow by sticking to 1200 calories.

Tired and on the bored side right now

I am alone and lonely,I miss my niece and I want some love and attention.I am not feeling kind towards myself right now.

I have feelings of encroaching dread -- I'm doing taxes.

I am tired, and feel like my whole day has been a waste.

Did neurofeedback last night, ended up with a headache and not able to sleep. Still tired and feeling out of sorts today, spent part of the afternoon in bed, just not very productive.

It's Saturday and I'm already *dreading* Monday. do not want to go back to work!

Pretty good.

Tired right now

I feel refreshed,I woke up at 3.20am having gone to bed last night at 10.30pm.I will need to sleep again soon and wake up again at 8am.I plan to sweep the garden get rid of the dead leaves.I feel more positive today but that may change as my moods vary and can be volatile.I am ok right now though.

my teeth feel really weird

I'm trying this new bublegum drink and it's..... well, diffrent

giving my teeth a vibration type feeling