How are you feeling right now #4

Kind of feeling blah from waking up at 2:45. The caffeine I had isn’t working. I’m not totally exhausted to the point of collapsing, but I am a bit lightheaded and I’m lying on the couch now. I may or may not take a nap.

I feel ok this afternoon

A little anxious this morning

Depressed. Talked to my neurofeedback guy last night, and just didn't feel like I had a chance to talk or be heard. It's been several months, and I still wonder if he "sees" me, and how he can figure out what protocols I need, when he's not hearing everything.

Really depressed last night. Didn't sleep well. Got up and exercised this morning though, so points for that. But feeling a little ungrounded and lost, like there's a ton of stuff I should be getting done - but I'm drifting and unsure of how to get started.

I feel somewhat uncomfortable and I want the day to be over. Low stress and quiet morning with a nice walk and social time this afternoon. But am still uncomfortable with everything. Seeking peace, and solemnity. Sigh, how highs and lows effect us. In need of some serious quiet time to clear my head

I feel anxious but ok this afternoon

I’m in the shock stage of losing my cat. I’m kinda emotionless and blocking the situation from my mind because it pains me to think of it. I do have a ton of family and community support including the mayor who are helping me and my mom find him.

Mixed emotions

Feeling depressed/worried.

Angry and disappointed.

Depressed/Anxious

Mixed emotions this afternoon

Mixed emotions and tired

Stressed, depressed, miserable.

I am hating my job. I was stuck doing a big part of a project that's really not my job, and doesn't use my skills/talents. It's very logistical, I'm bored and overwhelmed at the same time, and I hate it. In the meantime, I feel like I'm not developing the skills relevant to my career - and it's making it even harder for me to move on to something else. It's such a depressing spiral downward.

On top of that, my mom has started an annual get-together kind of thing for me, her and my sister. And honestly, as terrible as it sounds, once a year is TOO OFTEN for me. She starts planning almost an entire year in advance, and I just feel constantly stressed and unhappy about it, and I can't find a graceful way to say, "you know, I don't want do do this every single year."

And... my mom has kind of rotten boundaries. She likes to push for more, more, more all the time. So, this thing is supposed to be for a weekend, but she immediately starts asking if we should extend it... a day here, a day here (I shut that down).

Now, she's asking if she should fly in to my city and drive with me. It's a good 7 hours driving, and I don't want to have to add to that time with a trip to the airport. OMG. If she's going to fly, she needs to just fly directly to the destination.

I just... can't... even... *cry* *cry* *cry*.

I now have a ton of edits for this work project, but I've been updating the document in the mean time, so I have to try to figure out what people want changed, why they want it changed, get client signoff (ha!) and merge it all back in to one document. More crying.

And I can't stop eating chocolate. Because, I'm miserable and stressed. All I want is chocolate. Like, seriously, if I could just set up an IV with a chocolate drip... I think I might.

Life sucks. Everything sucks. I can't find an answer and feel like I've given up, I'm just treading water and waiting to drown at this point.

Anxious it's very smoky where i am today from the forest fires up North. Situation is bad we need rain

Anxious today

I feel pretty good this morning

Bored but good this afternoon

Fingers crossed that you guys get some rain, Cheryl.

I'm beat. So tired. The stuff at work is still insane. I'm feeling a little validated though, because yesterday afternoon one of my teammates told me she was on the verge of falling apart - and she's one of the most competent, smartest people I know. So, it's not just me. And, our poor project manager is going crazy too.

It's a terrible project. But that doesn't erase the fact that I've also been thrown in a role that is a terrible fit for me, and that's depressing. I feel like I'm wasting my life - and I don't know how to fix it.

I'm overwhelmed with everything.

I think I'm going to try a new T. There's one locally... I don't really have a good feeling about whether he can help, but he has awesome reviews and has been at it awhile. I've been meaning to call... but it's hard to fit that in when I'm overwhelmed with everything else.

My legs are a little sore. I think it's from the 5 minutes (yup, that's it!) of rowing yesterday. I also walked for about 25 minutes, before hitting the sauna. But I haven't done the rowing machine in decades... so I think that may have challenged those muscles a little bit.

Got to talk with some interesting people in the sauna too, which was nice. A woman that I've chatted with before was there, with her daughter. They're both lovely, though I felt a little awkward. I'm fairly isolated, so I'm afraid that I might come off as a bit too intense at times. But, I did enjoy talking to them both.

Happy it's Friday. I think I need to force myself to drive to the store and just pick out a dishwasher already. Mine has been dead for the last... 3-4 months, I think. And I've been stressing about it. I think it might be better to just go do it, and deal with any problems that come up, rather than trying to solve problems that don't exist yet with extra research. I am tired of having this hanging over me, and it would be nice to just get it done and move on with my life.

Maybe not tonight though. So so tired from work and the gym last night, and I've got a couple other things that I have to do tonight.

*hugs*

Thank Guilloche we are expected rain but thunderstorms.


I feel good this morning