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Old 03-21-2019, 06:21 PM #1
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Default How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

I feel like I may be non binary. Iíve been this way for about 8 years. I lost a lot of weight and it just fueled my thoughts even more. I just donít identify as female or male. I show traits of both. I mentioned my gender questions to an abusive therapist in 2011. She simply said I was confused and wouldnít address it with me after that. I am seeing a different therapist in April. How do I get taken seriously about this and not labeled as confused, being difficult or BPD?
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Old 03-21-2019, 06:54 PM #2
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Smile Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

Well... based on my own experience I would have to say you may have to find a therapist who is knowledgeable with regard to gender identity issues & experienced in working with clients who have them if you want to explore this safely. It's certainly possible, I suppose, one could find a therapist who really hasn't had an interest in gender identity concerns previously, & who knows little about them, but who is open to the idea & willing to learn. However my person bias would be to let them learn on somebody else.

Personally I doubt there is a lot you can do to ensure you won't be labelled as confused, difficult or BPD by a therapist who is not knowledgeable regarding gender identity concerns. I suppose one thing a person could, perhaps, do would be to interview prospective therapists prior to signing on with one to see if their level of interest & expertise could be determined. That might help. However, from what you wrote, it sounds as though you've already lined up a new T you'll be seeing in April.

I don't know if this would work, but one idea might be to contact the new T & ask about her / his experience with, & interest in, gender identity issues. Then assuming they're open to the idea, but perhaps not as knowledgeable as one might like, perhaps you might provide them with some reading material on the subject? (I'm not up on what new books are out on the subject of gender identity. The ones I would be familiar with are perhaps a bit dated at this point.) If your new T isn't knowledgeable with regard to gender identity concerns, & resists your efforts to help educate her / him, that may be a cautionary sign.

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Old 03-21-2019, 07:42 PM #3
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

Thanks for the reply.

The therapist I will be seeing specializes in autism spectrum disorder. So Iím not sure on what else she knows. Iíve had difficulty with therapists before so I asked my doctor who also specializes in autism who would be a good match for me and he suggested her.

I was talking to my mom about it and she says she can see that I am non binary. Iíve even went as far as googling mastectomy costs because I hate my breastís so much and I always have. I prefer to dress in gender neutral looking clothes. Iím pretty sure something is going on.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:38 PM #4
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

Are you agender? I'm not sure I am, but something in that direction. Sadly some therapists and even other people treat people with a BPD label very poorly, like they think they need to be overly cruel. I think it is fantastically horrific of a therapist to sweep this under the rug and call it confusion.

Gender identity can change through life. Or someone can always be trans/non binary or what else, but it is not equally strong in different parts of life. But none of that is confusion. It's a total put down calling it that.

I think it might say more about the therapist's political or religious standpoint than knowledge and common sense.

I'd say, there is no bad way of lifting the topic. There is just a good or bad response from the therapist. It will be more of a test how a good therapist they are.

Also they should know, not being cis, is much more common in autism.

And about the boob thing, I totally hear ya. If I didn't fear surgery id at least have them reduced to an A cup. I'm sickened by breasts. Well, maybe not other people's, although I wish we were more like cows. That they just grew out if we had babies. Makes more sense.

I hope it goes really well for you.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:45 PM #5
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

Some treatment center thought I had BPD but I was diagnosed in 15 minutes after meeting the doctor for the first time. No one ever said anything else about my diagnosis although I suspected my therapist didnít agree. Almost immediately after leaving the treatment center I got my autism diagnosis back. Now itís actually written down in my file and I only see people who specialize in it. Iím just still freaked out about the brief BPD label even though itís obvious I donít have it. Iím just scared to be honest with my doctor about my past and stuff. Iíve refused to transfer over my records from treatment and stuff like that.

But yes I was treated horribly with the BPD diagnosis but I get treated great with autism.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:51 PM #6
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

I know I was always a tomboy. I only wore a dress when my mom made me at family functions. Starting when I was 13 I didnít feel quite like a female. I was called a cross dresser in high school. I still have no idea how makeup works. My hair is really short. I have a current picture of myself wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a black T-shirt underneath and Iím wearing bootcut jeans. Friends of mine have wondered about that picture and have told me.

I heard about Sam Smith coming out as non binary and I googled it and it sounds a lot like how Iíve felt these past number of years.
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Old 03-22-2019, 06:32 AM #7
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

I really admire you for expressing yourself the way you do. I hope you are happy just being yourself. It sounds like you might be headed that way to being happy. Kudows to your mom by the way. It is terrific to know she is approachable.
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Old 03-22-2019, 09:56 AM #8
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

I wish you lived in england, because their is a great helpline to talk about gender issues

do you know what you want?

I mean are you happy with the gender you are born?

do you want to switch?

(I hope that's not being too personal)

either wayy, I'd just go for it

explain why you feel that way, and what led you to feel that way, and if they really want to understand they will
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Old 03-22-2019, 06:22 PM #9
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

When I was diagnosed with aspergers they more or less took away the diagnosis of personality disorder. It was amazing. The SAME doctor that had treated me very harshly and like crap, suddenly became nice to me. Like I now was a little bit retarded, but still nice. So odd how a label can change professionals' behavior...

I had to giggle a little about not knowing how makeup works. I'm totally the same. I remember though that once during my early teens I tried my mom's makeup on secretly in the bathroom. I felt shameful doing that, like it was something I wasn't supposed to do, even though my surroundings actually started encouraging makeup around that time. I looked at myself in the mirror with the makeup on and I just burst into laughter and washed it off. I'm totally fine without war paint. I still don't know how to do makeup.

What's a bit hard not being "the other gender" is how to feel about ones body. My body ideal is being neither male or female, also I have the tendency to think androgynous people look the best. People might freak out more about not wanting to be either, than actually want to transition. People's prejudice can be quite harsh. And unfortunately it can spread even into professionals that should know better.

But I think with the right people to talk to, it could be a good way of finding out yourself. I hope for the latter for you.
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Old 03-22-2019, 07:02 PM #10
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Default Re: How to talk to someone about my gender and taken seriously about it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
I wish you lived in england, because their is a great helpline to talk about gender issues

do you know what you want?

I mean are you happy with the gender you are born?

do you want to switch?

(I hope that's not being too personal)

either wayy, I'd just go for it

explain why you feel that way, and what led you to feel that way, and if they really want to understand they will
I donít want to switch. I think the most I would want to do would remove my breasts. But I do feel like I donít fit neatly into one gender. I feel like I show traits of both because of the way I think and the way I dress. Iíve been called both maíam and sir recently. Along with that bully in highschool who called me a cross dresser.
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Squidward: Well, hurry up! I gotta cry too!

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