I just cannot get my list finished..

This year I determined that I was going to finish off all those projects around the house that needed to be done. So, I took time off AND I wrote up a long list of things to be done.

And, to be fair, I have gotten a lot done.

But, I still have SOOO much to do. I get things done at a rate of like 2 or 3 projects a day and it isn't enough. Some projects can create extra work. Like replace a screen door only to then have to get rid of the other one.

the worst thing is that I feel like there has to be something wrong with me. My boss makes fun of me for always being off for things around the house.. he says, that place is going to be a palace... I have tried every solution I can think of but frankly... I just can't get them done.

The issue too is that it seems like most of the time these projects are never ending.
- service my car -- done -- but will have to do that again in a year.
- change the batteries in my fire alarms, done but will have to do that again in 2 or 3 years
- change the filter in my heating system, done, but I will just have to do that again in 3 months.

It just never ends.

Also, one of the issues is that I am too exhausted to do anything. I mean I am simply able to do about 3 things a day and then, I am done. Too tired.

Anyway it is stressing me out and i am not sure what to do anymore about it. I would hire people to get the work done for me but I have gone down that route before and they always just mess it up.

Thanks for sharing this. Yes, it's one of the banes of home ownership. There's always something that needs to be done. It's easier in a townhome or a condo than it is in a single family home. But there's still always things to do. And it is frustrating when you can't hire people to do some of it reliably.

Back when we owned a single family home I was doing maintenance & home improvement projects constantly. But since we moved to our townhome, & given my age, I've had to just accept there are things that simply aren't going to get done. They're not things that are necessary. They're just things that, if I had more energy, I would tackle simply because, given my drothers, I like to have things be as perfect as they can be.

One thing that helps us is to have a calendar on which we write all of the various re-occurring things that have to be done such as check the furnace filter, the water softener, take the car in for service, etc., etc., etc. It doesn't change the fact we still have to do it. But just not having to keep it in mind, because it's on the calendar, seems to take off a bit of the pressure.

Emily could I suggest a change in perspective? Home ownership means the list of things to do is never ending. I have a 10 acre farm, so I have all the house stuff plus all the farm stuff. On top of that I am trying to prep my mother's house so I can sell it which means sorting through her stuff and make repairs, clean, etc. I was overwhelmed and starting to slip into depression. It helped me to stop focusing on what still needed to be done (because it will NEVER be all done) and acknowledge what I've accomplished. The list is still endless but I'm feeling successful instead of defeated. Would it help you to do something similar?

It is a good idea but I am probably too negative for that. (but trying it down below)

I truly must change something because I am starting to feel like my health is going to take a hit unless I start focusing on that (not that there is anything wrong with me I have just always observed that most people get sick between 45 and 60 if they are going to) and I want to stop having things come up with the house.

I do have house things and taking the car in (even the filter) on google calendar which e-mails me to do them. Unfortunately if I am busy right then I typically put it off for too long. It is this list which is cutting into my normal life events.

But here is the list of what I have done (mostly for me).
- new Pergo in the bedrooms.
- new furniture in the bedrooms.
- sold the old furniture in the bedrooms on craigslist.
- got new lighting in the master.
- new TV in the master.
- new cable boxes.
- new mirror in the bathroom.
- new appliances in the kitchen.
- painted the cabinet in the powder room.
- painted the hutch in the dining room.
- new door fixtures and hinges for every interior door.
- new furniture in the living room.
- new rugs in living room and dining room.
- drapes and shades for the door to the deck.
- new sliding screen door.
- new tv.
- painted the entire basement.
- flooring in the basement.
- put up faux wood like material on the concrete wall.
- paint the stair risers white.
- move the room the basement came with back to make it a closet.
- new furniture for the basement and a gym.
- new TV in the basement
- get rid of old furniture on craigslist.
- converted the coat closet on the first floor into a pantry.

As you can see if I could just turn the corner and get the last few done..
- storm door that fits and I can pull the screen down easily.
- fix the basement ceiling that has started to fall down.
- install a new washer and dryer.
- fix the rug around the dining area.
- get an outdoor living set for the deck.
- get a treadmill.
- paint the master bedroom
- paint the second bedroom
- paint the trim
- redo the ugly tile on the powder room
- paint the powder room.
- wall art so the rooms don't look so bare.

I am sure I am forgetting a few. Only when the second list is done will I start feeling more happy.

You have accomplished a lot @Emily Fox Seaton

I don't own a home, because I don't want the hassle. I like just renting a small apartment and when something goes wrong management has to fix it.

I am starting to see the allure of that option.

Though when I was buying here I figured I wouldn't have the hassle. It truly didn't seem like much to do.

Also something that is getting to me... I was supposed to get my storm door last month and the hardware store just keeps jerking me around. Every time the door is supposed to be in, it isn't. And I am just endlessly waiting for something that might not ever come in. Why are hardware stores so messed up? Grrr///

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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton I am starting to see the allure of that option. Though when I was buying here I figured I wouldn't have the hassle. It truly didn't seem like much to do. Also something that is getting to me... I was supposed to get my storm door last month and the hardware store just keeps jerking me around. Every time the door is supposed to be in, it isn't. And I am just endlessly waiting for something that might not ever come in. Why are hardware stores so messed up? Grrr///

Got my storm door from Lowe's when they had one of those 18 month same as cash offers. Best choice & I added the installation into that 18 month price. However I had to sand & paint the door frame before they could install but they work installation around & after the wirk we need to do. They did that with the high quality linoleum installation in my master bedroom also. I had to prepare the wood with kiltz (thanks to my dogs) before they could put it down & that took me awhile but got the offer under their 18 month payoff offer. That's how I do all the repairs I can't physically do myself

Emily - You're actually getting so much done! Your list is just really, really long.

Have you thought about looking at it, and estimating how long each item will likely take (realistically, not optimistically). It doesn't seem like a list of quick and easy things.

And, yup! I feel like that ALL THE TIME. Just like you said, part of it is not having the energy (though I'm working on that now). And part is just... these items all take time.

I know, that probably doesn't help with the feeling of being overwhelmed. Like I said, I feel like that all the time too. But, what can you do?

- Can you break down your list into more reasonable expectations? Like, don't expect to get everything done in a month... maybe have the full, long-term list, but then pick which things are top-priority for this year, and focus on just getting those done. You're not throwing out the rest of the list, you're just prioritizing.

- As was already said, celebrate your successes! You're doing a ton already! When you said you got 2-3 projects done a day - my jaw dropped. (It's taken me ~6 months to just replace a dishwasher, and I'm still waiting for the electrician and plumber to come back to finish next week!)

- re: Hiring people. I totally get what you said. I've had that problem too. Are some of the tasks maybe harder to mess up (thus, easier to outsource?) Do you have anyone nearby that you could ask for recommendations for workers that they've hired and been happy with?

Houses are a pain. I'm in my first house, and it's only a townhouse, but it's 50 years old... and all of a sudden, EVERYTHING is breaking. I'm sweltering right now b/c the air conditioner (19 years old!) went out this week, and the contractor is here trying to finish the install of the new one. I wasn't planning on this this weekend, but... it's got to get done.

I hope you can take a minute to look at all you've already accomplished, and sort of pat yourself on the back! Especially since you're doing so much of the actual work yourself! You deserve a "Yay, me!" moment here Emily, truly!!!

I also have 2 lists.....long term & short term (easy vs hard) tasks. Cross off as they get done no matter which list but helps me put it all into perspective

Thanks all. I wasn't clear about that. I do 2-3 things a day when I am on vacation or a day off as I am trying to maximize the time. I probably couldn't keep up with that normally.

Today I employed a new strategy to make a list and also distribute it by time. So it isn't enough to say "go to the store" I also have to plan when the most efficient time will be to go there (no one else there) and plan what store is the most efficient for my needs, has the most in one stop.

I considered Lowes or Home Depot for the storm door but the Home Depot guy told me I would be waiting for months as their install was far behind. He suggested I find a small hardware store -- HA... they have been a zillion times worse. My current door is falling apart so I need it now.

Also, fyi, I have two times per year I cannot take leave time. The next one is during the end of august for two weeks and then November... so it is crucial that I get this stuff done now.

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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton Also, fyi, I have two times per year I cannot take leave time. The next one is during the end of august for two weeks and then November... so it is crucial that I get this stuff done now.

Emily, going to share something a wise person once shared with me. Will the world stop spinning if something on the list does not get done? Most likely not. Another poster made a good suggestion about prioritizing.

A couple of other ideas that help me are to break big jobs down into several smaller jobs. That way I can celebrate when I finish the smaller jobs. It's also less discouraging. When I need a boost to feel I've accomplished something I'll do one of the quick, easy jobs to kind of prime the pump.

All that aside, gotta say when I read your list of stuff you've done my reaction was HOLY CROW!!!!! You've done a ton!

True but, I feel like I have this monkey on my back. It was a monkey I didn't expect to have... and assumed it would go away soon enough, but it hasn't and I am getting to the point I want this stinking monkey off my back? It is hard to ignore the monkey when every time you go out your door your storm door almost falls off or every time you walk past something you remember you have to do something., like replace the battery or replace the filter. Do that 40 no, 50 times and you get sick of doing it.

I didn't have this problem in my old place perhaps because it was smaller. But largely that place was 100% complete from the get go.

I get rid of one monkey & 2 new ones show up. I have just come to the point where I say I will get around to it when I have the time & money & just stopped letting it try my patience & hope the damage isn't horrible by then.

Guess in DBT the term would be radical acceptance. I can't do anything to make there be money or time beyond what I, the only person who owns my house am capable of handling. I can't change it so I accept what is & work with it to the best of my ability

Excellent post Eskie.

Emily it's possible for every last one of us to tote that dang monkey around. The point I'm trying to make is that you don't have to give the monkey a voice and you don't have to listen. Is it easy to not listen? Heck no, not at first, but you can learn to not listen.

Years ago someone shared something with me that worked wonderfully. He said when that little voice inside your head starts yammering at you say "Shut up you little F'er" You have to say it out loud and actually use the F word. I end up laughing out loud every time I say it. Works though.

Hon, this is possible. It's work, but gets easier as you practice.

I so feel for you, Emily. No, I don't own a home. I live in a small apartment. Nevertheless, I have a non-stop list of "stuff" that I believe needs to be done (or definitely needs to be done).

For example, I redecorated my bedroom over the winter and I was so pleased with it. But come spring, I was a bit uncomfortable with the decorating I'd done. Now that summer has arrived the decor that looked perfect for winter feels wrong for summer.

And the chores, of course. Seems like someone comes into my home overnight and uses every dish I had already washed that day

While I am immensely grateful to own a car, the maintenance is non-stop. The mechanical issues, oil changes, registration that seems to come around faster every year, and during the summer...I take my car to the car wash and darned if it isn't filthy the next day

As I've gotten older I am learning to re-prioritize. Doing so is very difficult because I am a "must get it done" kind of person. But...the years are flying by and I'm accepting that I might just have to make peace with my living room furniture not being pinterest-perfect so I can go on a drive out of town and spend some time in nature...swim in a creek...just live.

Of course, that's me. I have a close friend who would much rather spend her free time redecorating her home or working in her yard (she calls that "dirt therapy") than anything else.


Anyway, bottom line...I agree with Eskie.
She said it really well.

"dirty therapy" love that! I stopped saying "yard work." I call it "tard play" now. I love diggin' in the dirt, playing with my plants. Enjoy it too much to call it work.

Ha, I just took my car in for maintenance. Another thing on the list is to get a new one because I am growing tired of maintenance. But I am not going to do that for another year. I know the feeling though. I need to get a registration this year and also, a maintenance sticker. I hate that I practically have to do these things every year. Why can't you go 5 years or so... not to mention the license will be up.

Well, thanks to everyone for their understanding it does make me feel better. I don't think acceptance is for me. I don't want to accept it. So... there is that. However, I do think I want to try to maybe plan out the projects and try at least to prioritize.

Emily I am so very proud of you for sticking with this. Wow, what commitment you have! You deserve pats on the back all around.

I learned to not get in the habit of merely doing the easy stuff first. I always try to pair up an easy task with a more involved one. I would never get the tougher jobs done otherwise. I also depend on my husband to get involved too. It is so much easier and I am fortunate not to be on my own. I always present the jobs in a manner of being a choice. Here are two jobs, for instance, I will do one if you do the other.

I use a 'bring forward' system for cyclical and repeating jobs. It is kind of like having a rotating schedule.

And I am the spreadsheet goddess. I am a list maker. I use a bullet journal to maintain and prioritise my taskings. I decide on and assign my list items to my days before hand - which also helps to even out the workload.

Decluttering now and then is also helpful.

So I kind of had a revelation yesterday, I am just not going to get the list done this year.

So I have picked 4 or 5 big jobs and put them off until next spring. For the moment I will focus on the other jobs. I was kind of sitting at work yesterday really depressed and stressed and I realized if I didn't stop "trying" to get the jobs done I would burn out.

It sucks but, there it is.