Experiences moving (as an adult)?

I've been in the same city since college, several decades ago.

I'm starting to feel like... maybe it's time to go somewhere else. I'm not really loving it here right now, and feel like I need to change something in my life. I wonder if I might have better luck finding "my people" in someplace where I fit in better.

But - wow! The thought of figuring out where I want to be, finding a job in a new state, and actually moving someplace where I might not know anyone... having to start all over getting settled and comfortable. It sounds completely overwhelming.

I know some of you guys have moved as adults! What was your experience like? Did it end up being a good thing in the end? What did you learn from it, any tips on making it easier?

I have moved numerous times as an adult - not always my choice or under my control. The logistics and planning have always fallen to be my responsibility with no help from my exes. It has always been up to me to wrangle help which is not easy to do. My last move was under happier experiences. I moved to be with my present spouse. This was the first move I made as an adult that was for happy circumstances. But it was a lot of work and did not come without a great deal of stress. I managed it well though.

The difficult part was scaling things down and culling my belongings. Moving in with a boyfriend we had no need for two of everything. So deciding whose stuff we would keep was stressful.

My saving grace? Lists and careful planning. This cut down on that stress. I also knew that what I was moving to was a happy step-ups situation.

Thanks, WishfulThinking! I imagine that, even as a single person, I'm going to need to clean out a lot of the clutter and decide what's worth keeping, and what has to go. I've sort of been gearing up towards that lately, trying to clean things out a bit.

Thanks for the tip about planning and lists, that makes sense!

How did you adapt to your new location? Was it hard to meet people?

I have moved many times. No trouble adapting though some places were markedly easier than others and it really depends on why you are moving if you meeting people (say school).

For me one reason I have moved is for the experience. I felt it was something that it was important for me to do. My last move even when I was freaking out i knew it was important for me to learn how to buy and sell a house and go through the process. My parents never moved their whole life, in part because I think they were scared and didn't know the process, and I was going to learn the process.

I found moving from the northeast to the midwest to show me that midwestern were a lot nicer. So look for a culture that is kind.

I would also try to break it up into parts so that it isn't so overwhelming. First task, get a job, second task, get a place to live, third task... moving, fourth task, getting set up again.

Most of the places I moved were because my husband was moved. We moved last year to a place we wanted to move to and it's great. The main thing is being organized. Pack and label boxes accordingly such as "kitchen," spare bedroom, etc.

Get good movers, ideally people you know and can trust.

Check out carefully where you think you'd like to move to. Does it have things you like and want? Go there and stay a bit first...

Thanks Emily Fox Seaton and Travelinglady!

Emily, you make a really good point about the experience. My world has gotten really small, I don't get out much, and I tend to have a lot of anxiety. Moving might actually be really good for me. I keep thinking about the idea (I can't remember the exact quote) - that to have the life you want, you have to be able to give up the one you don't. Me holding on to things that are clearly not working and not bringing me joy is probably getting in the way of me getting the things I want. Maybe. I don't know.

And, thanks for the reminder to break things into tasks! That always seems to help make things less overwhelming!

Travelinglady, Very cool that you were finally able to move to a place that you wanted to live! Had you been there before?

Thanks for the advice! I actually just talked to a friend from work today who has moved a couple times. We all work from home, and she was able to get permission to keep her job, despite being out of state (she moved b/c of her husband's job, so not moving wasn't an option for her).

She suggested that I find some time, like maybe a month later this year, to go stay in one of the places where I think I'd like to live... but just work remotely. I already work from home, and our boss is very laid back. She said not to mention it to anyone else, but really, there's no reason why our boss wouldn't let me do that for a month. We have another person on our team who wanted to buy property, but decided our city was too expensive, so she bought a house to fix up in her home state (many states away!). So she flies back and works from there sometimes too.

So... maybe I will do that. I want to, I think! Even that little bit of a change kinds of scares me! But it could be so much fun, shake things up a bit. My friend told me to look for something interesting that I want to do there, like a class, so that I don't just stay in and work the whole time away (fair point!)

I have to think it through a bit more... but I really like the idea!

Don't make it about the end result. Possible you won't like it when you get there but the key is that you had the experience and now you know what it entails and can do it again easily.

My favorite self help book got me thought it.. it is called "do it" and it has a ton of really witty quotes, but has this chapter on the comfort zone and he talks about how if you don't expand your comfort zone, it shrinks. And if find that so true. You need to always be finding a way to push that zone bigger because it always wants to shrink.

You might also ask people about the place you are considering. City data has a message board that you can ask people who do live there about it. I also got some great information from the chamber of commerce in the cities I was targeting.

At the time, I did not allow myself to ponder what-if situations that may have awaited me on the other end. This, for me anyway, would have created some strife and worry about whether the move would be worth it. Instead, I concentrated on the move itself and the great positive that my boyfriend was going to be at the other end.

I went all 'Marie Condo' on my belongings (she is an organiser who is all the rage), using her techniques to organize and cull back. It was helpful. I sold my stuff on something we use here called kijij.com. I felt a little better knowing things were going to good homes. It all paid the big cost of the move and then some.

And how did things go at the other end?

Honestly I have not made many friends. I make acquaintanceships easily but there are barriers for me preventing my trying to get closer to people. I rely on the internet to maintain contact with those I was closest too. These friends and family are also only 2 1/2 hours drive away and I make a trip monthly to visit. I did feel kinship and a connection to people like me via a support group down here; but, if you've been following me along, that has been taken away from me. Still, I do have new acquaintances and perhaps it is my own fault for not following up or allowing myself to get closer. Also, my husband has a great deal of family here, so I have a sense of belonging to something. But what it comes down to is that my not having forged new relationships is really my own fault. Opportunities have been aplenty.

Thanks for the encouragement and advice!

Emily - I'll look for the book you mentioned, it sounds interesting, thanks for mentioning it! And, you're right about the comfort zone, I've definitely noticed that in my own life too.

I actually chatted with the guy bagging my groceries last night, briefly, about one of the places that I'm thinking about going. He had taken a trip there, and LOVED it, and highly recommended. I didn't have enough time to hear tons of details, but he was super enthusiastic about it, and said he wanted to go back.

WishfulThinker - Marie Condo! Yes, that's exactly who I was thinking about! Her approach is so interesting... I'm reading the book now (ebook from the library). Now that I'm in a house, I feel like the clutter has really gotten out of hand... it's so easy to throw something in the closet, because "I might need this later". So, even if I don't end up moving, I really like the idea of clearing things out!

And, I'm really sorry about your support group. Yes, I saw the other thread, and I'd be uncomfortable too. *hugs*

Thanks!

Listen to what your gut tells you about a the place you plan to move to. I looked at one place and the garden was huge but I moved in anyway. Turns out the garden was beyond me. Owners sold that place years later so I had to move. In my anxiety I hastily moved into the first that came along. The unit was next to a very noisy hwy. People told me I would get used to the noise. It didnt happen. Four years later I moved because of the noise from the hwy and the neighbours.

When I was looking for where I am now I felt like this place was home even before I moved in. I am happy to be in a quiet place with a small garden.
Go with your gut.