I don't think I can go to my support group again

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyCrafter Why was he there in the first place? Is he court ordered to go? Doesn't the person who oversees the group have an obligation to make sure everyone there feels safe? Threat of violence trumps the procedure; that threat should be removed, I think.

100% yes.

How's it going with your group, WT?

Please keep going. The whole point is that it's supposed to be helping you. Maybe this guy won't be that interested in the process. Another thought is....maybe he's realizing he has some problems and is trying to change. Give it a coupla more shots. What do you think about that? You can always mention how the situation is going here...folks will be here to listen. (((hug for you)))

I found this very thought provoking, and I've kinda gone back and forth on it. I think the moderator would be within rights to inform the guy that the tats have to be covered. Brandishing them seems antisocial and possibly a blatant intent to be offensive, as you point out. On that, I have to agree.

But you say that him covering up the tats wouldn't help because what you really object to is not just him signaling hateful sentiment. What really offends you is the execrable thoughts that likely have found a home in his brain. It offends you that someone who is presumably thinking these thoughts should be allowed in the group. Like - shouldn't this be a situation calling for ostracism? Doesn't ostracism have a proper social function, and wouldn't this be it? I find some merit in that, but I'm not quite with you.

It wasn't too long ago, in this country, that many, respectable members of some very mainstream religions had some pretty alarming ideas about each other - like "Everyone in that Church is going to Hell!" "No, you are!" "No you are!" Back and forth. I've heard stuff like that on TV in my own lifetime. And, even now, it's not hard to run into that on the Internet. My point is that, if we start ostracising people, based on what we figure they're probably thinking, where does it end? I have every right to not be friends with someone because I don't like how they think. But I wouldn't say I have a right to demand that a person be excluded from a public accommodation (e.g. your support group) because I don't like what goes on in their mind.

My conclusion is this: What goes on inside other people's heads is really their own business. There's a lot of crap going on in a lot of people's heads that society is never going to control. However, in a social setting, people are obligated to keep some stuff to themselves. If a person needs direction as to what that stuff is, someone like your group moderator has a right to give it to them.

Neanderthals sporting tattoos like you describe are often less harmful than their ideological counterparts who wear gabardine to work and sit on the board of directors at a bank that restricts residents of reclined districts from having access to financial instruments like checking accounts and reasonably priced credit. Individuals, like those board members, blend in beautifully wherever they go and will never, ever advertise the subversive agenda that they work to further.

I kind of get a kick out of persons who go around emblazoned with insignia that basically screams, "Yeah, I'm a jerk, and I don't care who knows it." (. . . unless said individual is also carrying an automatic rifle.)

I have not been back. I resent this being taken away from me.

Please try again. You can do this. Maybe that guy isn't even there any more...and if he is, well maybe he's there for a reason. We all deserve a chance. These types don't usually line up for group support sessions after all. As I said maybe he's realizing some things need to change within himself. Give him and most importantly you...another chance. Is the fear so paralyzing that it completely prevents your attending?

WishfulThinker66 - are you able to get in touch with the group leader? Maybe you could check in, and find out whether the guy has actually returned after his first visit?

*hugs*

I certainly don't blame you WishfulThinker for feeling uncomfortable at that support group meeting. I would suggest go with your gut feelings. I too qui going to a Bipolar, depression support group because a woman there made me feel quite terrible being in her company . I found several people there quite obnoxious. Its a long story. Now I get support online including at times psychcentral forums. Trust your emotions. If it doesn''t feel right then its not for you. Hugs.

I agree. Please at least contact the group leader and tell them how you are feeling. I am sure they would appreciate the feed back. You were enjoying this group and finding it beneficial it would be a shame to stop going because this man was there once. Even talking to them might help you to get clarity even if you dont go back. You could also ask the group leader is there another group that you might benefit going to.

I agree to contact the group leader and tell them how you are feeling hugs

I just thought of something.

In prison, white Supremacist gangs have an iron-clad rule: "Members of the master race do not have psychiatric problems. If you are a white guy, getting any kind of psych care, then you do not walk with us. You are a disgrace to your race, and you are a degenerate."

I did correctional nursing for a while. I met white inmates with the kind of tattoos you describe. This was in the psych section of the facility. They told me they could never again fraternize with white supremacist inmates in the prison's general population. Getting psych care marked them as inferior and unworthy weaklings.

And guess what? Over in the psych area of the prison, the guys with swastika tattoos hung out with Latino and Black and Native American guys . . . and they all got along just fine. (Or, if they became contentious, it wasn't over ethnicity.)

When I started there, a Latino guy was the alpha male in one of our psych pods. In came a young, strong, white guy with a white gang past. We figured the fur was gonna fly. They'ld be contenders for top dog. They became bff. It was so cute to hear them at bedtime, talking to each other from their respective cells. (I couldn't make this stuff up.)

So think about it: This guy with his Aryan race tattoos is showing up at a bipolar support group, instead of hanging out with a bunch of guys wearing the same tattoos.
Maybe he's been booted out of the local "stand up peckerwood" lodge. I'ld love to talk to this guy. He's got a story to tell. And he's got to be one lonely-arse bigot to be hanging out at your group.

You know . . . sometimes, if you just bear with a situation for a while, you can learn that all is not as it seems. Then again, that's just me - I'm the curious type.