[sarahsweets]

I do not know how to start a group or even if the average user is allowed to. I thought it would be cool to have a place where people in their forties could commisterate. I also welcome people who are not in their forties but have experienced stuff when they were, to share. ( I do not want it to be limited to only people in their forties, many people past forty can offer advice and share).

Many of us in our forties are in a unique place in the world. Many times this includes people that have decided to end their marriages, are raising young kids or teens or are still married and have been for a long time, or only a little bit of time.
To me its unique because over the course of our lives we have experienced growing up in a singular way. We were born when the Vietnam War was ending.
We lived through the 80's as children, surviving all the neon and bad hair, awesome music, the Berlin wall, Challenger, Commodore 64, attari and the beginning of the computer. We remember when missing kids first had their pictures on milk cartons. Stranger danger, stop, drop and roll and ABC afterschool specials. Teen movies where everyone started having sex with each other, drinking and getting high. Just say no and the AIDS epidemic.

We had the 90's where the world was angry, female rock and roll took a sharp turn, Ross Perot ran for president when many of us voted for the first time. Nirvana blew up music and then Kurt Cobain's death. Huge patterned sweaters and high waisted jeans. Supermarket sweep was an awesome game show. We were cognizant when Meagan's Law was made and remember the gulf war and feeling like we might actually be a part of an actual wartime draft.

When the 2000's came many of us were new parents or young parents. We remember rushing to the school to pick up our kids on 9/11. We remember the early days of the internet and IRC chat. We remember Brittney Spears' infamous meltdown. Friendster. Myspace. Facebook in the early stages. Youtube when it was the wild west.

I am not saying that being in your forties for all of that makes you super special its just that we aged through all that stuff and can find unique ways to cope through history that was running at breakneck speed.

I think we could support each other as we face midlife crisis's and dating post divorce. Custody of our kids. Marriage after many years. Raising a kids in college while we still have kids in middle or high school. Many people choose to have children later too, so there is a huge swath of people in their forties who are raising elementary school aged kids.
Some people had their careers before marriage so they are getting married now. My husband's BF is getting married for the first time in November- he is 45.
We feel like we are "old" when actually we are not, we do not feel our age and feel like its unfair that we are technically halfway to 80 and still mentally feel like we are 24.
Anyone can share here. Its a place I thought we could offer support and gain insight. Maybe this is a stupid idea so if you think so then let me know.

[Jersey 4]

I think this is an awesome idea. I’ll post more later. I turned 40 in March and feel really stuck so I think it’s awesome that you want to create a space for people 40 and up.

sarahsweets, what an amazing post! You really captured so many things that were/are significant during the lives of us 40 somethings! Though some things you mentioned were scary and painful, others were just marvelous. I guess as many older or middle-aged people tend to do, I think of those as the "good ole" days and am happy I grew up then rather than now.

I'm in my late 40s. I guess my experience is a little unique in that I never had children and never will. That has allowed me to do some things those with children couldn't, but at the same time I don't have some valuable relationships/experiences that those with kids do. I guess it likely affects how I look at aging, to a degree.

One very significant thing about being in my 40s is that I have already experienced more loss than I would have liked. I'm becoming a little more resilient, but when more and more loss comes it definitely tests that resiliency. The fact is, the life as I knew it is different. I can't say that difference is all bad, but I haven't full realized exactly how I feel about it, what I want in the future, etc. My husband wants to move abroad in the near future. That means more fully studying another language, adjusting to life in a new country/culture, starting over again meeting friends and building a mental health support system. That's tough for me and equals new challenges. That would be tough for anyone, but I think especially for some with a mental illness. [I'm a bit scared!] My mood fluctuates between elated or irritable hypomanic and occasionally full manic, a curious baseline, and sort of a low or mixed low that includes some dread because of uncertainty. I know that I should have plenty of interesting years ahead of me, but unlike when I was young, I proceed with caution. My bipolar illness has indeed weakened me in certain ways, and yet strengthened me in others. I am wiser, for sure, but sometimes knowledge and wisdom removes a little bit of idealism.

My husband is over 13 years older than me. That brings with it some additional things to think about. My husband is only one year younger than my mother was when she suddenly died of cancer. That fact lingers in my mind occasionally. Because of my long-term disability, we are not that well financially prepared for future retirement, like my parents and grandparents were. I know that younger generations will have very big challenges ahead of them, too.

On the lighter side, I just LOVED the band U2 (of course specifically Bono) when I was a teenager. Actually, I still adore that group. I think their album "The Joshua Tree" came out when I was in 10th grade of high school.

[Jersey 4]

BirdDancer,

I don’t have any kids either and never will. I have been married for 13 years. I feel the same way that it afforded me some freedoms that people with kids may not get. I work with families as my job and I see how hectic their lives are and wonder if I missed out. Then there are other days where I’m like heck nope.. I didn’t miss out.

Sarah... I recall all the things you mentioned. I would play Atari with my sister then the Nintendo NES came out. Cable: I was very young. Disney channel was my favorite. Back then there weren’t studies out on how TV was bad for children to watch so we watched the box as much as we wanted but also played outside a lot. I remember playing Oregan Trail on the computers in middle school on those big floppy disks. I remember AOL chat rooms, too.

I’m glad this thread is here. I hope it continues. I’m really stuck. Kind of feel like I should be further a long in life than what I am in all aspects. Never really took any big risks. I always feel like the rest of the world I’d racing by and I’m screaming out “Wait for me” but I don’t know what to do to catch up. I’m going to start seeing a life coach next week. I’m wondering if any 40 something’s will post here with similar stuff going on for them.

[*Beth*]

What an absolutely terrific idea! I will say, however, that I'm 56 (first year Gen Xer) and experienced most of the events you've mentioned, and many of them definitely shaped my identity. I was just a little bit older.


I'm almost positive that you can start a group. I would guess that the first thing to do is contact a mod.

[sarahsweets]

Hi everyone. DocJohn suggested I see how many people would be interested in this topic being a group vs leaving it as a thread. He said generally 30 people is a good start for a group, and I am not sure that many would be interested. If you are interested let me know.

[lightly toasted]

I have less than one year left in my 40s, so I appreciate that you've left this open to us as we enter our 50s and beyond.

I wouldn't use a group. But a running thread in general social chat seems like a good idea.

I

[Discombobulated]

Great idea - I'm definitely interested.

I remember a lot of what you mention although not all as I am not in the US.

Many of us are in the situation of having elderly parents and often grown children still at home. That is not a bad thing but has added challenges.

My 40s were the first time I faced health challenges too- I felt pretty much invincible before then!

Let me know if this comes to be.

I am 45. I still love 1980s music, but 1990s are my fave. Metallica was my fave band. I am scared of menopause whenever it hits. I used to believe that pop rock candy and soda would blow up my tummy. The hokey pokey dance was something I recall, along with some down by the river chant. I remember most of what sarahsweets said. I gave my daughter up for adoption when I was 29 or 30. She will be 17 this month.

[*Beth*]

I'm interested in a group.

[Jersey 4]

I’m interested in a group but if it ends up staying as a thread then that’s okay too. I’ll participate either way.

I am interested either way.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by BethRags

What an absolutely terrific idea! I will say, however, that I'm 56 (first year Gen Xer) and experienced most of the events you've mentioned, and many of them definitely shaped my identity. I was just a little bit older.


I'm almost positive that you can start a group. I would guess that the first thing to do is contact a mod.

I read the wikipedia entry for Gen Xers, thats the group this is about? That helped put it in perspective for me, sorta set the outlines.

Right now the different age group groups are all over the place, arent they? Maybe putting them together in one section, by official demographic group names, would be an idea. Idk.