(Funniest) Embarassing things you've said

I work at a movie theater and I am very socially awkward. Yes, I have plentiful experience in customer service and I do very well with getting through transactions, but my experience as a conversationalist is very limited.

I do have a few lines I say throughout the transaction that are unique to me and 9/10 times it is received very well.

The line in particular that is most successful is, "Since you have been so patient with me (at first they look surprised) I would love an autograph!" (to sign the receipt. Many of the older adults love hearing that, younger crowds are hit and miss.

Well, I said the most CRINGEWORTHIEST CHEESY line last night.

The customer told me, "Wow, I feel famous!"

And I said, "Well, at the movies, *you* get to be the star!"

It was just so downright corny and cheesy and I felt soooo embarrassed. The look of disgust on my coworker's faces made it worse.

Can you share some funny embarrassing things you've said that you can laugh about now?

I told my therapist I was wearing shapeshifter when I meant to say shape wear. I didn’t realize my mistake until I was in the parking lot. I still cringe whenever I think of that.

It can be embarrassing and awkward when you think someone is going to say have a good day and you say you too, but they didn’t say it, they just bye.

I accidentally use expressions and idioms the wrong way and then I get confused and I say “isn’t it the same thing?” And my mom has to explain the difference. Kinda funny.

When floridy manic: "Nicole Kidman called. She wants to marry me."

Yeah, or times when you're at a restaurant or something and the waiter says, "have a good meal", and then you say, "you too!"

I say a lot of things that most people likely think I should be embarrassed about, but I'm usually not. That's a good and bad thing, of course.

It's hard to remember specific one-liners. I tend to have stories, instead. I'm long-winded! Here are a few I recorded somewhere. Many have to do with my psychiatrist.

Walking into my psychiatrist's office, I said (quite rapidly) "I've always wondered why you always go pee right before my session. Is it because you worry that what you'll see and hear will make you piss yourself?" Well, luckily he laughed a bit, which he doesn't usually do, and responded "If you were my age, you'd know that I have to pee before every session."

another,

Something was wrong with my psychiatrist's computer and he told me there were two "BirdDancers" (me) in his system. I then said "That would be scary, especially if I walked up to her. I might have to kill her and you'd call 911."

another,

I mentioned to my psychiatrist that I put on a few pounds since starting the new antipsychotic. I gave him a few reasons I thought that might be: time of month, medicine, too much pannetone on the grocery store shelves (pannetone is a type of cake). He lit up and said that he has pannetone at home and how much his dog likes it too. I said "Well, then I must be in good company."

I'd say the most embarrassing thing I do is randomly say things that are... completely out of context

I could be walking or just sitting somewhere and randomly go peekaboo, or meow, and then laugh out loud- thinking it's the funniest thing ever

plus: I insist that the dog goes meow, and the cat goes woof woof (completely genuin). when people tell me otherwise I'm like well, that's what the teacher told me, if you don't believe me, ask the zookeeper

something else is shaking random people who are asleep to "check" they are alive

big fear of mine.. people dying on me, though I've mentioned this in other threads

when I was younger I told someone they smelled like a garbage can.

the most embarrassing thing about this was not the comment, it was the fact that I'm not even american and I was using american words in an american accent

no one was amused by the fact that I was trying to act like someone I wasn't

I think I might of been a bit hyper at the time

oh, and the person I told smelled I didn't even know- it was just someone random

so like: hi, nice to meet you, by the way you smell.

telling my cd off for " skipping"

but not like it was an object either, like it was a person

Here's another exchange between me and my psychiatrist (years back) that I found funny:

I was in my psychiatrist's office. I don't know what had been said before, but almost out of the blue, he looked at me and with a teasing declaration said “BirdDancer, you’re old enough to be a grandmother!”

Boom! A look of shock covered my face, then a few seconds of silence as my mind whirled. “What?!?! A grandmother?!” I exclaimed. Then I thought about it briefly again and said, more calmly, “Well, I guess if I do the math, it’s certainly possible.”

Why did he say such a thing? Keep in mind that I don’t have children and never really thought about having children. Then with a burst of playful revenge I pointed straight at him (full arm out) and loudly said “Well, you’re old enough to be a great grandfather!”

“No!” he barked loudly.

“YES!” I retorted, pointing at him again with full are outstretched.

“That’s not possible”, he said in a crisp manner.

“What do you mean it’s not possible?” I asked in disbelief.

“My grandchildren are too young to have kids.”

“Well, I don’t even have kids!” I countered.

Then silence again broke and that seemed to end the conversation. Honestly, it was quite peculiar. The session ended and I went home, and obviously played the conversation in my head a few times. I wondered if maybe he did, too.

I saw this doctor again maybe two to three weeks later. When we both sat down we had **** eating grins on our faces. We went through the standard procedure of me describing my general mental health situation and him asking a question or two. Then with great mischief, I started it up again.

“Dr. R, I’m sorry about what I said last time. You don’t even seem old enough to be a grandfather, in my opinion.” He was about 68, at the time. I was 42.

“No…”, he said with a wink. “Actually, if you really do the math, I guess it is even possible for me to be a great great grandfather, if I was really young, and my kids were young…you know?”

I chuckled at that. “I guess that is true, Dr. R, but know that I’m still only old enough to be a grandmother.” Big Cheshire grin.

someone had organized a treat for me (to get my nails done)

their's me and the woman standing in the same room and she's waiting to do my nails,

me: I don't want it done.

my friend and the woman were quite taken aback

and then I ran like I'd just said the worst thing in the world (and I don't run, so yeah.)

Looking back, it really is funny, but my husband was basically crying at the time:

I was manic and psychotic coming back from Europe with my husband two and half years ago. I won't even go into London Heathrow, but at Newark Liberty Int'l I was still totally out of control. I refused to stand in the long lines, so waited at the front of the line on the side, while my husband stood in the line. I had had it UP TO HERE with the chaos, so I started yelling to the people at the front of the line that "When you finally get there, they're going to ask every one of you to give a stool sample!"

Of course in NJ, the above is tolerated. And again, zero embarrassment. I don't generally feel embarrassed when I'm manic. I'm not embarrassed about it now, but of course I wouldn't yell that now...if stable.

I was working as a Medical Interpreter for Spanish speaking patients and was interpreting for a newly pregnant young lady. Her hubbs was there, as was the Nutrition lady who did most of the speaking. I followed along in Spanish and the nutrition lady, who is Philippine and as nice as she can be, thankfully didn't catch my "blooper".

It was a doozy. She was talking about weight gain and in Spanish, weight is measured in KILOS. I am speaking at a fairly decent clip and out of my mouth flies: CULO.

I don't know if you know what that means, but it is used to describe nasty, stinky *****.

I froze. The young lady and her hubby kept their eyes down and I repeated about 2 or 3 times: KILO, we are talking about KILOS.

They never said anything and a few hours later, I ran into Angie( the Nutritionist) in the lunch room and told her. We had a great laugh over it, LOL

I'm starting to forgive myself but i've been cringy almost all my life, especially as an adult
Dealing with psychosis in the last year made it even more non-sense

Once I was texting a person and went totally off topic telling a story about a quite known case of abuse that happened in America (I'm italian, lol), telling about the legal process, the final sentence/judgement and the (public) biography of a person involved
He replied to me: "Ok, I see"
I tried to say something like "Oh, sorry, I was just really interested in that case" but it was still cringy because it couldn't be linked even a bit with what he was talking about

When I was I kid (about 7) I was playing with a group of people and I tried to lift up a girl who was quite taller than me
I said "Oooh It's like lifting a tower!"
She ran away and a friend explain to me that "Tower" was the girl' s surname...
I apologised to her after that