How are you feeling right now #6?

I feel like I don't exist.

At my job, we lease our computers for 3 years at a time. When the lease is up, we have to order a new one, have tech support move all of our data over, then send back the old one. I brought everything to the tech support team on Friday to copy the data over, and... I still haven't heard back. It's been almost a full week (last time it only took one day).

One full week... of me not being able to do my job, because I have no computer. This seems like such a tremendously bad system.

And the effect is... I'm at home, can't do any work, feel useless, and have no social contact at all. Even trying to be motivated to do things (podcasts, web, walking) - I'm going crazy and just feel like I'm in solitary confinement or something.

I'm still not sure what I need to do move forward. My life feels like a ridiculous mess.

It's just hard right now. I really wish I could find an incredible coach or therapist.

Thanks for letting me vent...

@guilloche

Oh my gosh, hang in there fellow member.

Obviously you've chased them up, but what did they say? Sounds like they need a good boot up the arse.

Mixed emotions this afternoon

Unwell, physically. Very often when I'm doing a lot of housework, especially big cooking projects, I start to sweat and a general feeling of malaise comes over me. It eventually passes when I rest a bit. I don't think I have any physical illness beyond being out of shape. [That's how my psychiatrist explains it.] I do have high cholesterol/triglycerides, but my blood pressure is usually OK. Perhaps my heart rates goes up a little too much. I have treated tachycardia. I am overweight, but not excessively so. I ate a healthful lunch today and drank lots of water. I don't know. Anxiety?

Perhaps my medications play a part in this, sometimes. Actually, I'm just getting used to 600 mg Seroquel XR again, after a week accidentally only taking 400 mg.

@BirdDancer

It's awful depression, I know those negative feelings and lonely times, very, very well. Actually I know that whole dynamic of awfulness ever since I became aware of it at around 16. Made me feel sick to the heart.

I'm sending you a hug and I'm sending you love. You're not alone BirdDancer. And anyone with an internet name like yours is a friend of mine and also of the earth.

Me, I'm feeling disconnected but on the whole, okay.

@Cheryl27, I'm sending you and your beautiful dog, a hug, from the other side of the globe. Keep going and keep posting, I love reading your posts. Keep striving good woman.

Feeling happy mainly due to alcohol. Dunno if I'll ever find a good happiness any other way, but we'll see.

Literally speaking -- freezing due to the -17F windchill here.

Figuratively speaking -- had quite an interesting dream this morning that I will post about in the dream forum. So instead, to explain with two movies I love, to describe my current mood; Minority Report (for the theme of 'free will' vs. 'determinism') and Joe vs. the Volcano (have the courage to prioritize happiness over life's total ********, that my brain cloud of experienced age discrimination can be overcome, and that I'd really like to find someone who wants to jump into a volcano with me...even if we don't meet until our 70s).

Thanks mote.of.soul!

I haven't contacted them! They don't actually have a phone number to call. There's an email address, but it's for the entire country, I think. There's no way to directly contact the people locally who have my computer, except to drive back down to the office that they're in and see them in person.

When I dropped off my computer, the guy told me that it usually takes "a couple days". So, I thought it might be done Tuesday or Wednesday.

Still no call though. This is *crazy* to me. I can't understand how this process works for anyone?! It would have been so much more effective for them to set up an appointment time when they could dedicate someone to working on it - and let me keep my old computer this week, until they had time available. Even if they still needed to keep it for a day, it would have been better to have been told that I need to wait a week to drop it off, or whatever.

Really, the bigger problem though is that my job is not good. It's killing my brain, and I'm struggling trying to figure out what to do next.

It feels hard! I really wish I had a great coach/therapist - but the ones I've tried in the past have not been helpful.

That's my sad story for tonight! I have to get off the computer, I've been trying to improve my sleep - so I can feel better during the day and have the energy for job hunting, ha!

*hugs*, everyone!

BirdDancer - I find big cooking projects really intense and physically demanding too. They wear me out. I usually try to cook several meals at once on the weekends (meal prep for the week) - but often just crash afterwards! Cooking is hard! *hugs*

StreetcarBlanche - Yikes! Stay warm! That's SO cold!!! Our weather has been weird - I'm in the south, and we had snow last weekend (the first/only snow of this winter), then it was in the low 70s this week (!!!) and it's supposed to get down into the 20s again over the next few nights, I think. It's nuts here!

@guilloche

Thanks for your reply, I completely understand and empathize. Whatever happens, you'll be fine, don't you worry. Thank you.

Feeling better today and yesterday felt under the weather, it was partly due to stress and partly due to flu. I’m someone that gets an upset stomach when I’m nervous, really nervous so yeah that was yesterday. Was so tired last night I was craving sleep and rested today. Hope everyone is carrying on and doing well.

@guilloche it's FREEZING here in the Twin Cities. It will be mid-June here before we hit your temp of the 70s.

Update on how I'm feeling as of 9:56 pm central time: irritated like Sandra Bullock's character in the movie 28 Days, when she tries to get her sister to just accept her where she's at, instead of where the sister wants her to be. (Good movie) I am back in grad school, so I got my fall refund (yay for the ability to pay rent and bills again b/c my UI benefits barely make ends meet).

I bought myself a used laptop (reasonable price) and was forced to ask my roommate for the WiFi password b/c the sticky note on the fridge with it, disappeared (it wasn't me!). After I asked my roommate for the WiFi password (the button on the modem didn't sync with the used laptop -- I tried that first) she came into my bedroom and acted offended (well her tone seemed like she was offended) that I had bought a laptop for myself, "You bought a laptop?"

Who does she think she is, my mother?! I don't have to explain myself to her. Her tone of voice was very Judgy McJudgerson. I mean, seriously! You all know what I've been dealing with. The woman didn't even mobile deposit my rent checks.

Sorry. Long vent of frustration.

Feeling pretty good overall. Not bad so far.

Sorry you are dealing with this crazy roommate situation. We gotta get you outta there.

Thanks, mote.of.sole. You're kind. I do wish to clarify that I'm not depressed in any way, at this time, though I fully understand depression. I'm sorry if my post came across as if I am. I was focusing on a physical (not mental) discomfort.

Hugs to you, as well, my fellow bird appreciator!

Much improved, I think its that Friday feeling

I feel like washing my hands even though I just got out of the shower and haven’t gone anywhere yet. They were just talking about Coronavirus on the news.

I am really good today -- got up super early, but that's fine.

Much more positive!

A bit tired. But overall I feel ok.