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Default Jun 28, 2020 at 08:32 PM
  #1
The class that I wanted to take was on better understanding personality type, using Meyers-Briggs, and how to type people.

I watched a couple of their videos, showing examples of conversations they have when they're working to figure out someone's MBTI type. One of the women used these questions, and said she almost always asks them... and I thought they were fascinating, and am insanely curious to hear answers from real people!

So...

1. What things are really obvious to you, that others always seem to not see, or miss?

2. The opposite - what things do you not get, that seem like everyone else understands or acts like it's super obvious?

Super curious to hear, if you're willing to share your answers!
Thanks!
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Default Jun 28, 2020 at 11:51 PM
  #2
I seem to have a fair ability to read people, what their motivations may be, at least, some of the time. When I am not manic, that is, or depressed, for that matter, as both mood sttaes impair the clairty of my judgement.

I do, howver, tend to believe that most people, while problem children overall, are for the most part inherntly decent. Of course, there are sociopaths and so on, but, outside of folks with serious personality issues like psychopathy, I am very inherently trusting. And that has gotten me into a lot o ftrouble, because there are a lot of scammers and manipulators out there. This has manifested most commonly in my love life, where I have sometimes mistaken external sweetness for genuine heart when, in fact, the person may have turned out to be a bit of a sucmbag.

That said, you must decide in life how you are going to approach people you do not know and I have elected to trust. I do not like the cynical, untrusting side of me. I am raising a daughter on the principle of trust but verify. She can handle it.

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Default Jun 29, 2020 at 02:16 AM
  #3
What is obvious to me that most other's don't get is people's true emotions. Most people that I've met are happy to take people at face value. They see someone smile then that person is happy end of story. But I've always been keenly aware of what other people are feeling. Perfect example: An old boss came in one day and when he walked past me...he was so sad it made me feel sad. He was laughing and joking around with people but I finally saw him outside smoking and asked him what in the world had happened. For about two seconds he laughed then burst into tears. His grandma had passed away but he came to work anyway. He was just astounded that I knew he was upset because no one else could tell. And that happens to me all the time. It's like underlying emotions are super obvious to me but most ignore them or don't see/feel them.

trusting people to not screw you over. It seems like everyone gets that concept but me. I just do not trust people or their motivations. I don't like to be alone with people except REALLY close friends and certain family because you just never know what someone will do to you.

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Default Jun 29, 2020 at 04:03 AM
  #4
An excellent pair of questions indeed. I do not think I have ever come across them before.
To answer them, I can only say that I have been informed my awareness levels are quite high when it comes to serious stuff and serious conversation, alas, when it comes down to small talk I can not tell the wood from the trees. I am also not good at all at anything remotely to do with relationships and romance. I flopped at a few simple tests in Psy therapy which bought me to those points.

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Default Jun 29, 2020 at 09:50 AM
  #5
Thanks! I'm finding the answers fascinating!

bpcyclist - That (being able to read people's motivation) sounds so incredibly useful. Have you always been able to do that, or was it something you developed over time? Is it an intuitive thing - like you just get a sense of whether or nor someone has positive/negative motivations, or more developed, like being able to see what someone is trying to get in an interaction?

My sister said that her thing is... she's great at noticing when there's a rise in tension, and she thinks it because she can read body language really well. It's easy for her, but she's surprised that other people don't seem to notice it at all.

It's really interesting, I think I'm pretty terrible at "people stuff" in general. Hearing about experiences like this makes me feel like... I'm missing something that's really important and helpful in navigating the social aspects of the world.

Also, I heard an interview with Penn (of Penn & Teller) - where he talked about what you were talking about, that most people are basic decent and trustworthy, and that right now, in some ways, we're safer as a society than we've ever been (this was pre-Corona).

An interesting thing he pointed out was - in general, if you need to trust a stranger with something important, your chances of them being trustworthy are much higher if *you* pick *them*, rather than them picking you (i.e. them approaching you).

For example, if you're in a coffee shop and have to hop in an ambulance with a friend, and need someone to drop your car off at your house... if you pick a person at random and ask them to do it, you have a really high chance that they will. If someone comes up to you and says, "hey, I can take your car for you!" - since they're self-selecting, there's more of a chance that they have bad intent (though it's obviously not 100%).

It was an interesting point, I thought!

Raindropvampire - Oh wow. That amazes me, both as someone that often feels "not seen" (and imagining having a friend who can get the emotional stuff like that) and as someone who isn't always great at reading other people. It must feel crazy at times to see other people missing what seems so obvious to you? Thanks for sharing!

Ford Puma - Interesting! Do you have any ideas about what makes you good with serious issues and conversations? Is it that you're better at understanding complex issues, so the conversations are easier (i.e. people don't have to over-explain to you, or worry that you will misunderstand)? I'm just trying to get my head around what this means, if you know.

Re: small talk - I can relate! Seriously! I think it's actually something that you can improve, if you want to. I've actually practiced on the cashiers at the grocery store in the past, to get more comfortable, just saying "hi", asking how their day is, complimenting them if they have a nice scarf or necklace. As a hardcore introvert, it was really eye-opening to see how much some people light up when you initiate a friendly conversation. But I'm still not a natural at it, like some people are... it's not effortless for me.

*hugs* to all of you guys! Thanks - this stuff kind of fascinates me. I'm not really sure what my "thing" is that I'm great at, that others seem to miss it. I'm honestly a bit perplexed by that one. I think that the obvious thing I tend to miss is social cues, maybe? I've had friends, in multiple conversations, where I've told them what I wanted to say to someone (as a genuine way of sharing information) tell me "omg, please do NOT say that - you will CRUSH them!") - and yes, I took their advice

Thanks!
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Default Jun 29, 2020 at 10:04 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by guilloche View Post
The class that I wanted to take was on better understanding personality type, using Meyers-Briggs, and how to type people.

I watched a couple of their videos, showing examples of conversations they have when they're working to figure out someone's MBTI type. One of the women used these questions, and said she almost always asks them... and I thought they were fascinating, and am insanely curious to hear answers from real people!

So...

1. What things are really obvious to you, that others always seem to not see, or miss?

2. The opposite - what things do you not get, that seem like everyone else understands or acts like it's super obvious?

Super curious to hear, if you're willing to share your answers!
Thanks!
1. The humor in life. And I'm not talking about just people who experience depression, which is more understandable that they can't see it. I'm referring specifically to people without any major mood issues, as well.

2. This is more difficult for me to answer because you included the words "everyone else" vs just "others", the latter of which allows some people besides me, in my view.
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Default Jun 30, 2020 at 02:17 AM
  #7
What's obvious to me is non-verbal communication, subtle mannerisms, slight changes in tones, and body language. It often makes me uncomfortable because I don't always know what's going on but pick up on things.

What's obvious to others is small-talk, social skills, and connectedness.
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Default Jun 30, 2020 at 03:49 AM
  #8
Hello again, Quilloche
Well, the shrink told me I tended to find serious matters stimulating and small talk of no interest. Solving problems [mathamatics] and dealing with tricky matters are all my game. Politics, social matters, the 'big questions' all get me going but small talk, and relationships; are of no real interest to me, so I guess I just do not go after them. I might add that I saw 4 different psychiatrists over 5 years and they do not all have the same ideas. Some think it was an Asperger's condition, more tend to think it's just the way my brain is hardwired. I have been told to interact more with the public, but no matter how I look at the public at large, I tend to find them off-putting. I am quietly content with my life as it is, and that is a good enough state to be in.

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Default Jun 30, 2020 at 09:30 AM
  #9
Quote:
1. What things are really obvious to you, that others always seem to not see, or miss?

2. The opposite - what things do you not get, that seem like everyone else understands or acts like it's super obvious?

1. The different bird calls. My new hobby is "backyard birding." I recently set up a bird feeder station outside of my apartment and am learning to identify the different bird species who visit the feeder based on their calls, before I look out my window to verify if I'm correct. It is so fun. Birds like: northern cardinals, warblers, black-headed vireo, olive-sided flycatcher, boreal chickadee, bue jays, dark eyed juncos, finches, nuthatches. And I am feeding the squirrels too (not corn but nuts and berries mixes). It's OBVIOUS to ME that we need our backyard birds, and we need to take care of them. So many bird species are literally dying from eating lead pellets used by hunters or stupid kids with BB guns, or are poisoned by the chemicals people use on their lawn grasses (this causes neurological problems in birds and it infuriates me that people don't care about how fertilizing their stupid front yard is killing the beautiful birds and squirrels and rabbits, and even insects. Who cares if you have a green lawn! Grow food on it. Better yet, don't mow it, and let clover take it over, so that you can provide natural food for insects and birds. Grrr. This is a sore point for me. I hate lawn fertilizers SO MUCH. More people need to care about the welfare of the urban wildlife. We've taken over their ecosystem and habitats. THe least humans could do is stop poisoning what's left of any natural food sources for insects, birs, rabbits and squirrels.

2. I am 49 and despite being outgoing and friendly and (for the most part) empathic, have awkward social skills. I can tell when someone is lying to me, or manipulating me. I have learned that even if I am 100% myself, that people still shun and reject me and THEY are just as flawed as I am. Yet, these same flawed people think I am some weirdo who doesn't have anything to offer which just isn't true. People have the wrong impression of me most of the time, and when I show them my true self, they reject me anyway. So, really, I figure, what's the point of even trying anymore to seek out friendships. So, I have grown accustomed to being a loner, which I absolutely hate because I would rather have a social circle around me then be alone. It really sucks. Therapy hasn't fixed this flaw and can't. I don't know why people always reject me. I'm not an asshole.
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Default Jun 30, 2020 at 09:38 AM
  #10
1. I can tell when people are being fake and when they are just pretending to be nice and caring. I can tell when people are being legit too.

2. I often miss humor.

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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 07:03 AM
  #11
Well I miss my work actually, sounds crazy but after being in lockdown for several month I really would love to go to work
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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 08:48 AM
  #12
Thanks for the interesting conversation, everyone! I really do find it fascinating, and kind of wish we were all together in person, so I could ask you all a million follow-up questions!

BirdDancer - Seeing the humor in life seems like an awesome thing to be able to do! And, you're right about the wording of the second question... I should have said "others" - sorry for that. Is there something you feel like you don't get, that others seem to naturally understand or think is obvious?

MsLady - Being able to read all those subtle cues seems like it would be such a big help, but I totally get why it could be confusing at times too. I've had the experience where... you just know something doesn't add up, but you don't know what it is or why, and it's so unsettling. (In my case, it was someone who had called a bunch of times... when I called back, they said they just wanted to chat... but they really were trying to ask for money. Once they finally asked, I had the context for all the other weirdness that led up to that!)

It seems like small talk and social skills is a tough area for a lot of us! (Me too!)

Ford Puma - Ah, I understand... sorry for the unnecessary advice! I actually love really good, deep discussions of complicated issues too... and wish there were more people out there who enjoyed that kind of thing. Thanks for clarifying!

Motts - Wow! I hadn't realized (though it makes sense) how much the stuff we're doing to our lawns affects the local wildlife, thanks for sharing that.

What was really interesting to me about your response is, you started with something very concrete and "observation" based (seeing and identifying birds) but tied it into your values so nicely! It's interesting to see how those things link up for you, and is a good example of why they do all the followup questions in typing. The people from the class were making the point that you can't just take an answer at face value, you need to let the person talk a little about "why" - why they enjoy it, what they get from it. Because one hobby or skill could actually represent different functions for different people.

I wish I had good advice for the social stuff (not that you were asking, sorry!) - it's really hard, and it seems to only get harder. It was something that I kind of wanted to work on this year, but the pandemic got in the way.

Mountaindewed - Very cool that you've got that kind of radar to detect fakeness! I think I may not be great at that, as I'm sometimes really surprised by people (i.e. I didn't realize that they weren't being upfront/genuine, so when they show their true self... I'm not really prepared!) Is there a particular type of humor that you miss more often? Or is it just in general?

Thanks everyone!
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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 08:50 AM
  #13
I'm book-smart, so academic things come easily to me.

However, I am not at all smart about people, and things like social cues and sarcasm are hard for me to recognize.
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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 08:59 AM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by guilloche View Post
The class that I wanted to take was on better understanding personality type, using Meyers-Briggs, and how to type people.

I watched a couple of their videos, showing examples of conversations they have when they're working to figure out someone's MBTI type. One of the women used these questions, and said she almost always asks them... and I thought they were fascinating, and am insanely curious to hear answers from real people!

So...

1. What things are really obvious to you, that others always seem to not see, or miss?

2. The opposite - what things do you not get, that seem like everyone else understands or acts like it's super obvious?

Super curious to hear, if you're willing to share your answers!
Thanks!


I don't understand politics.

it's obvious to most people i've met: this is what's happening, these are the people running for election what ever, I'm sitting their looking at them like whaaa?

brexit is a current example, everyone talks about brexit like a 4 year old kid should know what's going on
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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 09:02 AM
  #15
what is obvious to me is when people have absolutely no interest in what you're talking about, or don't have a clue

I can't sit their and let others continue the conversation like nothing's going on, I'm as blunt as they come and will say it: look, this person doesn't give a **** about such and such a topic, and has no clue what they are talking about

it's also pretty clear to me when someone lies.
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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 10:59 AM
  #16
Downandlonely - Thanks, I can relate to being "book smart" but not "people smart". I miss being in school, actually... a lot!

RagingVortex Thanks! I actually love people who are willing to be blunt like that, because I'm usually the person politely nodding with a pained smile, thinking, "why are they going on about this thing..." lol.

I'm also not great with politics, although I've been making more of an attempt (now that I'm a bit older) to try to get a grip on what's going on with stuff locally. Some people are so deeply dialed in to that stuff, but for me, it takes effort and is usually not something I enjoy, more of a necessity.

Thanks!
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 11:16 PM
  #17
This is a weird one but diffrent drink sizes are obvious to me but aren’t obvious to the people I talk to. When I mention 20oz bottles of soda they seem confused about what I am talking about. Yet I know what sizes various flavors of Coke and Pepsi come in and what sizes they don’t come in.

an example is Tab and caffeine free flavors of coke and Pepsi (not caffeine free Diet Coke) only come in 12 pack cans.

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