MOVING ACROSS COUNTRY! Am I crazy?

DechanDawa · Jul 16, 2020 at 10:17 AM

Thank you.

DechanDawa · 11:42 AM

A crisis counselor at my health care provider put this crazy idea into my head. I called the health care provider yesterday to complain. It was not a professional response to a call to help me de-escalate an anxiety spike. She should never have presented the idea that I move "on credit" and "worry about the debt accrued later." I was in such a vulnerable state, and missing my son, that I accepted this stupid suggestion as a possibility.

I lost two precious weeks of looking for affordable housing in my area. I know it is my responsibility to accept or reject suggestions...but at the same time I was in an extremely vulnerable state of mind.

I am turned off by therapy and counselors forever. I will call my local crisis hotline if I have an anxiety spike - for "in the moment" advice on how to calm down my anxiety - but I will never again call my health care provider regarding behavioral health problems.

I am resigned to finding affordable housing in my area, reducing financial pressure by having more affordable rent, and staying out of debt. I will then focus on generating income by freelance writing. I have done this in the past...but did not consider it a career possibility. Now I do.

I feel safe in the area where I now live, and it is a good place to wait out Covid19. I can focus on getting into a more economically feasible living situation, and even establishing a new online career, and saving money for a future move back east.

Presently I don't have any debt, and now I feel angry and humiliated that I allowed this "professional" I spoke with to put the idea of going into debt into my head.

*Beth* · Jul 17, 2020 at 11:38 AM

I understand how frustrating and very upsetting it is to be in the position you have been in. But try not to give up on all counselors and therapists forever. The reason I'm suggesting that is because a counselor or therapist should never give advice or tell a client what to do! A huge mistake! I'm really glad you called and made a complaint.

DechanDawa · Jul 17, 2020 at 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I understand how frustrating and very upsetting it is to be in the position you have been in. But try not to give up on all counselors and therapists forever. The reason I'm suggesting that is because a counselor or therapist should never give advice or tell a client what to do! A huge mistake! I'm really glad you called and made a complaint.

I understand what you're saying. But this happened once before. I had a therapist who made two suggestions I did not agree with. When he told me about the second suggestion he actually said I had to do it or he wouldn't continue seeing me. I left that day and never returned. Not only did I think his suggestion was wrong, but I felt it was wrong to say I had to do it or he wouldn't see me anymore. This was after a year in therapy with him. His suggestion was that I enter into marriage therapy when I had already done it once and it didn't work, and my partner and I were proceeding towards separation. As I was his client I did not think he should tell me I had to do something with my partner (seek out marital therapy)...as that should have been solely my decision.

No, I am absolutely done with counselors and therapists forever.

But I will call my local crisis hotline because the people there give in-the-moment advice on how to de-escalate anxiety...and that's really what I need when I have an anxiety spike.

I don't need professionals messing around with my private life.

DechanDawa · 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

It does cost quite a bit to move across country. If that were charged on a credit card, it may be very difficult to lower and get rid of all that debt.

I wanted to encourage you to move because you wanted it to move so badly, so I wanted to give you some positive feedback around it. But I agree that charging it on a credit card is not the wisest plan, and neither is moving during a pandemic, as you pointed out.

Also, now that your son may move himself, there's almost no point in trying to move to be closer to him.

Perhaps it's best to now troubleshoot where you are going to live in your current area, and resolve the isolation/loneliness factor.

Just reading over comments. It's been a crazy two weeks. Your comments here simply repeated the conclusion I came to on my own.

I asked for honest feedback two weeks ago...as the title of this thread suggests. Everyone except TishaBuv said go, go, go...yes, charge thousands of dollars on your credit card and move 2,000 in the middle of a pandemic. What a great idea!

I wasn't thinking clearing...and was emotional...which is why I started this thread...for feedback. I was confused and needed help.

Your hindsight remarks are a bit patronizing.

Your last bit of advice about resolving loneliness and isolation especially stings. We are in a major pandemic and I have been alone in a studio apartment by myself for 17 weeks. To tell me I should set about resolving the "isolation/loneliness" factor when I was already isolated before the pandemic...and when many places are now still shut down i.e. church, library, gym, community centers...is a bit harsh

Please don't say go online and make friends. I belong to several communities besides this one and am pretty well connected on the Internet. The other sites are more career and creative arts oriented.

In truth I am going to not worry about loneliness or isolation. I am going to take out my cameras and dust them off and go out and photograph. I have a degree in photojournalism and spent a lot of time alone creating stuff that won awards and sold well.

I have one digital camera - not great - but it will be okay until I can afford something better.

Even if my son moves it wouldn't be far...and 200 miles is not the same as 2,000 miles. I will stabilize myself and then start saving for a future move. Presently I have zero credit card debt and would like to keep it that way.

I know you meant well, HH, but if I could adequately solve the "isolation, loneliness" factor I might actually become rich. It was a major societal problem even before the pandemic. Now even more so.

But truthfully I think I will rely on myself more and others less.

Right now it remains to be seen whether I will find affordable housing or end up homeless. So right now I am feeling to hell with loneliness, to hell with isolation. I have to find affordable housing before winter which is just around the corner.

Have Hope · Jul 17, 2020 at 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

It does cost quite a bit to move across country. If that were charged on a credit card, it may be very difficult to lower and get rid of all that debt.

I wanted to encourage you to move because you wanted it to move so badly, so I wanted to give you some positive feedback around it. But I agree that charging it on a credit card is not the wisest plan, and neither is moving during a pandemic, as you pointed out.

Also, now that your son may move himself, there's almost no point in trying to move to be closer to him.

Perhaps it's best to now troubleshoot where you are going to live in your current area, and resolve the isolation/loneliness factor.

Just reading over comments. It's been a crazy two weeks. Your comments here simply repeated the conclusion I came to on my own.

I asked for honest feedback two weeks ago...as the title of this thread suggests. Everyone except TishuBuv said go, go, go...yes, charge thousands of dollars on your credit card and move 2,000 in the middle of a pandemic. What a great idea!

I wasn't thinking clearing...and was emotional...which is why I started this thread...for feedback. I was confused and needed help.

Your hindsight remarks are a bit patronizing.

Your last bit of advice about resolving loneliness and isolation especially stings. We are in a major pandemic and I have been alone in a studio apartment by myself for 17 weeks. To tell me I should set about resolving the "isolation/loneliness" factor when I was already isolated before the pandemic...and when many places are now still shut down i.e. church, library, gym, community centers...is a bit harsh

Please don't say go online and make friends. I belong to several communities besides this one and am pretty well connected on the Internet. The other sites are more career and creative arts oriented.

In truth I am going to not worry about loneliness or isolation. I am going to take out my cameras and dust them off and go out and photograph. I have a degree in photojournalism and spent a lot of time alone creating stuff that won awards and sold well.

I have one digital camera - not great - but it will be okay until I can afford something better.

Even if my son moves it wouldn't be far...and 200 miles is not the same as 2,000 miles. I will stabilize myself and then start saving for a future move. Presently I have zero credit card debt and would like to keep it that way.

I know you meant well, HH, but if I could adequately solve the "isolation, loneliness" factor I might actually become rich. It was a major societal problem even before the pandemic. Now even more so.

But truthfully I think I will rely on myself more and others less.

Right now it remains to be seen whether I will find affordable housing or end up homeless. So right now I am feeling to hell with loneliness, to hell with isolation. I have to find affordable housing before winter which is just around the corner.

You are honestly overreacting to my post, which was meant with the best of intentions, and you are twisting my words into something that they were not.

I was not patronizing you. I was in agreement with your latest conclusion about the cost and charging it on credit cards. When I thought about it more, it made more sense NOT to charge on your credit cards. I was only in agreement with your conclusion.

And you had stated you should not move to be near your son, if he is moving.

I have NO idea where this is coming from, Dechan, but I only have had the best of intentions for supporting you along your journey.

Take care, and don't worry, I will never post again on one of your threads ever again.

DechanDawa · 07:46 PM

Now I have to find a place to live in the next ten days and so far nothing is available in my affordable price range. This isn't an overnight crisis. I have been trying to get work, help, support, advice...for the last two years. I knew I was in crisis. Some of us don't have the luxury of couch surfing with relatives...or even friends. Which is not something I would choose to do now anyway.

I am shocked at the lack of funds available for seniors in need. If one doesn't pass the eligibility requirements...tough luck.

Well, I spent two days crying on the phone and now I am just pissed off. (Pissed off by the lack of help in my county - which is a very well off county - and the opinion that tough luck if I cannot get into affordable housing I will become homeless. That would be a greater burden on the county...so yeah, I am angry about it.) I would rather be dead than be homeless as that is a very desperate, traumatizing situation. I should know having worked as an advocate of homeless veterans for 15 years.

I REALLY NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM PSYCH CENTRAL.

Sorry but I am feeling really triggered and I know what the moderators always advise when this happens...TAKE A BREAK. Come back later.

And I will.

Bye bye for now.

DechanDawa · Jul 17, 2020 at 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

You are honestly overreacting to my post, which was meant with the best of intentions, and you are twisting my words into something that they were not.

I was not patronizing you. I was in agreement with your latest conclusion about the cost and charging it on credit cards. When I thought about it more, it made more sense NOT to charge on your credit cards. I was only in agreement with your conclusion.

And you had stated you should not move to be near your son, if he is moving.

I have NO idea where this is coming from, Dechan, but I only have had the best of intentions for supporting you along your journey.

Take care, and don't worry, I will never post again on one of your threads ever again.

And why is that, HH, because I had some conflict about what you said? You see, when I feel the need I say I am going to take a break. I don't get all huffy and stomp off. I think it is perfectly fine for me to give you feedback on your feedback and tell you how I feel. I also think I made some valid points. You might think I am over-reacting...but to state it as a fact is...well, it simply isn't logical or rational. I think YOU are over-reacting by stomping off and saying you will never return, like a little child having a tantrum.

I do take care with comments on threads. I even mentioned that I deleted a comment on your thread because I did not think it made a worthwhile contribution. I also thought of how it would make you feel and as your situation is very serious I thought I had better make a worthwhile contribution...or perhaps refrain.

Do what you want and feel how you want. This thread isn't about you so yes, go. But go in peace.

DechanDawa · Jul 17, 2020 at 07:37 PM

I don't think any more comments are needed and I am going to request that the moderators lock this thread.

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DechanDawa Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,815 8 1,043 hugs given	Jul 16, 2020 at 10:17 AM #61 Thank you. __________________

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jul 17, 2020 at 11:38 AM #63 I understand how frustrating and very upsetting it is to be in the position you have been in. But try not to give up on all counselors and therapists forever. The reason I'm suggesting that is because a counselor or therapist should never give advice or tell a client what to do! A huge mistake! I'm really glad you called and made a complaint. __________________

DechanDawa Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2015 Location: United States Posts: 3,815 8 1,043 hugs given	Jul 17, 2020 at 07:37 PM #69 I don't think any more comments are needed and I am going to request that the moderators lock this thread. __________________