MOVING ACROSS COUNTRY! Am I crazy?

[QUOTE=divine1966;6883831]I think it’s a perfectly sane idea to move. I think it’s great! I’d go for it. I am not sure about logistics at the moment as I am a bit tired. But it’s totally doable!

I was a bit shocked your ex left you with nothing. What kind of judge ruled on that? Did you not ask for half of his retirement savings or spousal support or something . I don’t know anyone who could leave their ex wife with nothing even if they wanted to. Unless you didn’t ask or had a horrible lawyer.

Are you younger than SS age or receiving SS? I find it crazy you don’t qualify for any assistance with no or very little income and nothing left to you after your marriage.

I wonder if you are moving to the area with public transportation you could just sell you truck. It would save you some money not owning a car if it’s possible. It’s a huge saving!

Overall it sounds exciting.






Thanks for checking in.


I deleted most of this reply because I don't want to go over the past and how I got to this point. It isn't helpful. I need a solution based attitude. Now is not the time for reflection and regret.


There is hardly anywhere in America one can get along without a vehicle. I won't be living in a big city...and besides, I am high risk for Covid19 and at this time don't want to be dependent on public transportation. To not have a vehicle is really to slide towards homelessness. I still want to work and without a vehicle it would really limit opportunities. Finally, everywhere public transportation is being cut and that is going to be very hard for people who depend on it to get to jobs. (My vehicle is paid for and barely costs anything to maintain. Older vehicles are very basic...very little electronics...no computer stuff. So easy to maintain. Key is keeping it maintained. I am losing my beloved mechanic. But my son is trained and can do most repairs.)


I found out the eligibility limits for public assistance today and it is shocking. Around $780 a month. Okay...who the hell is living on $780 a month??? Maybe someone who was lucky enough to get into senior housing or affordable housing but now the wait list is for years. Someone told me...four to five years.


No one can live on $780 a month even WITH public existence.


I am tired, too. All of this is going to get worse when unemployed lose that additional $600 a month end of July.

Ok it makes sense re needing a car. I thought it was something like NYC. You are right. Car is a necessity

I am glad you at least have SS. But isn’t it sad that people can’t survive on SS without extra savings. One has to save like crazy to even survive in old age. So you can’t even enjoy your life while working because you must save for old age. What if you can’t? Do you suppose to starve in old age? The whole system sucks

Yeah every divorce is different. In my experience it’s usually either half of retirement funds or spousal support. Unless someone is very rich, it’s rarely both. My husband had to pay spousal support to his ex but courts determined his retirement account stays intact (it wasn’t much at all). But I had a long term boyfriend who had to give his ex half of his retirement accounts which was a ton, but no alimony was awarded for that exact reason. I am glad you at least got some annuity! Every bit helps.

Eligibility limit is ridiculous. 780? Who can live on that? And I assume you don’t qualify for subsidized housing? It sounds like that would be the best. I wonder if becoming homeless is a pathway to subsidized housing. I know people who did that for that reason and got into subsidized housing out of a shelter

I don't know what you mean by subsidized housing. To get any and all public assistance programs you have to be eligible for Medicaid. If you are not eligible for Medicaid then you are not eligible for any and all public assistance programs. In my area you have to be eligible for food banks, too. HUD goes by the same eligibility requirements.

I worked as an advocate for the homeless for years. What I saw is they lived out of campers and trucks, collected benefits, and drank and drugged it away. There was a lot of mental illness and hopelessness. So of course they self-medicate. It's hell on earth. As well they couldn't bear the social isolation of being by themselves in a tiny apartment. I knew one guy who gave up his apartment and went back out on the street because he said it was too lonely sitting by himself in front of a television. Even when housed the formally homeless are socially marginalized and not integrated into society. I have visited formally homeless veterans in apartments and found them sitting on the couch weeping from loneliness. Very sad to see veterans is this state with untreated or under-treated PTSD.


I don't want to discuss my divorce. It isn't productive.

Right now everyone in NYC is flooding into the outer towns and everyone is very angry about it. They are buying up houses, and paying the higher rents. I don't know if you have seen pictures of NYC but it has become a war zone. I lived near there growing up...and it is so sad to see that city wrecked. Only an insane person would move into NYC at this time!

Yeah I hear you about homelessness. I volunteer in homeless shelters, two of them. One men shelter and the other is women/children. When I dint have time to go there I send a check. I am aware. It’s quite horrible and frankly many of us just one step from being homeless. It doesn’t take much, loss of job, loss of health etc etc and here you are, can’t afford anything and no where else to go but shelter.

Hopefully you can start planning your move, step by step and see what’s available out there. Rooting for you!!!!

My research has revealed that when people become temporarily homeless it usually takes two to three months for them to get off the street. The chronically homeless have untreated mental illness, or addiction issues. Many homeless don't go to shelters because there is a lot of illness. Back in the day it was TB but now with Covid19...I can't imagine the paranoia that would evoke. In the town where I live most homeless avoid the shelter. Tent cities are more popular than shelters now. In the winter here all the churches open and allow the homeless to sleep in their auditoriums. I think this is a better system then the shelter. It's a kinder reality.

I have credit cards I can use. But Covid19 makes it more difficult as I am sure people are not renting out rooms at this time. The best strategy would be to have a lease going into the area. I am starting a support list of people to contact once in that area...you know, people I knew 30 years ago...who might be able to point me to resources. I have cousins in the area. I would have to swallow my pride and knock on their door. This whole thing is a lesson in humility.

That’s wise re contacting people in the area. Good idea.

My anxiety is just acting up. It's scary moving alone. Once I moved 2,000 miles on my own...didn't like where I moved to...so moved back. I was 22 or 23. I think I was scared but I just did it. Maybe when we are young we are too naive to know about everything that could go wrong. I did that trip in an ancient VW and I don't remember worrying it would break down. I use to fly by the seat of my pants. I need that girl now!

Thankyou. Sure, a studio would be fine. I live in a studio now. My son wants to move outside the city to a more rural place. He is fine with me living on a shared "compound" and sharing rent. So that could be the future. I don't know how his girlfriend would feel. I don't know her very well. I want to be a quiet presence and see how things go. I am quiet and she is very loud so we kind of have different personalities. But she is also very sweet. And we both love animals and gardening. There are possibilities. I just have to get from here to there. Lord.

I completely support your plan to move, based upon everything you've posted. In fact, I believe that moving would be a wise choice.

Ah, thank you so very, very much! I have gotten so much positive support. I am so grateful to everyone here on Psych Central. Thank you again!

Thank you everyone. I cannot express how deep my appreciation is that I have you guys! I can count on you to be honest and forthright, to say what you think, and to give authentic feedback.

It is also meaningful that everyone here knows how much harder it is to do things when one is fighting for better mental health.


I have never been diagnosed with anything except "adjustment disorder" which I think is something therapists put on insurance forms when there isn't a solid diagnosis. I have always had anxiety. I have always felt that what is easy for others has always been hard for me. I am certain others here understand what I am talking about.

The hardest thing for me is to do things alone. I grew up in a large family and believe me, I don't think I was ever alone for a minute until...maybe age 25 when I rented an apartment on my own.


It is imperative I keep my mental state steady.

I'm happy for you! Please keep us informed!

Another positive and supportive person coming forth! I am over-whelmed with how awesome this thread has been for me. THANK YOU, TL! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I think that is a great idea. {{}}

Thank you so very, very much.

Not sleeping at all. Worried. Now I know why I didn't do this move when I had the money...when I should have moved. I was just too scared. I hate doing really big things alone...and a 2,000 move with no money is pretty big for me. Am scared now but must move forward.

Try not to overthink it. Just let it happen.

Fantastic advice! Thank you! I needed this advice.

1. I have been researching my move. The area I am moving to has very nice affordable housing for seniors who qualify. In fact, there seems to be quite a lot of it. Once again the eligibility is so low an income I don't qualify. But what I get from Society Security and a very small annuity is not going to get me rent in a safe location. I have the same problem whether I stay or go. I need to keep researching.

2. I have been reading things about retired people moving to be near their adult children and how sometimes it really backfires. I get along really well with my son but I don't know his girlfriend that well. I am going to have to be forthright and just discuss this with my son. I am tired of people not being forthright as it makes everything much more difficult. When I asked him what she thought about my moving near them he hesitated...then said...that she didn't have any reaction at all. That seems suspect - as she appears to be a very opinionated person. I need to let go of this situation as it is causing me a lot of anxiety.

I am going to sleep.

I hope you find reasonable place to live. It’s always a challenge.

I hear you about adult kids but as long as you aren’t moving into the same apartment complex or buying a house across the street from them (that would be intrusive) I don’t think they’d have issue with it. I’d not even worry about his girlfriend . She doesn’t own their town plus I am sure she is just fine with it. She might have no opinion because she doesn’t know you well. I am sure she’ll be just fine when you move and she gets to know you more