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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 02:40 PM
  #1
I have decided to move 2,000 miles to be closer to my adult son and to be back living in my "homeland" - an area of the country I have longed to return to.


This plan materialized after I had another major meltdown last week and talked to several crisis counselors on the phone.

I will put it simply. I hate where I am living (a western mountain state) and did not move here by choice - it is where I moved for my now ex-partner's work. I actually pleaded with him for us to find a new life somewhere else (on the eastern seaboard) because I had lived briefly in this state before...and did not like it. I have never thrived here.


This was a wholesome place to raise my child but ironically he moved to my "homeland" area on the east coast for college and has remained there. I have been empty-nested for eight years and during this time my mental health has gotten progressively worse.


The main thing is I DO NOT WANT TO DIE ALONE HERE WITH NO FRIENDS OR FAMILY NEARBY.


With Covid19 I think my increasing anxiety has been telling me this. My lease is up and my rent is ridiculously high because this state has become a "growth state" and everyone is moving here. Rents have become sky high and affordable housing is scarce.


I am at high risk for Covid19...and was looking for work when Covid19 began. I have been living alone and isolated in lock down mode in a small studio apartment for 15 weeks. All I want is to be back in my "homeland" where the cost of living is cheaper, and to be near my son, his girlfriend, and my "grand-dogs".

Finally, I spent weeks trying to get "help" in my city, county, and state. Although my fixed income is not covering rent and bills and I have used up savings...I am not eligible for ANY PROGRAMS...including help with rent, bills, food assistance etc. Sure, if I became homeless then maybe I would get help with affordable housing, groceries etc. - but they keep saying I am not eligible - even though I am only a very small amount over the eligibility limit. Some people have told me to just lie on the public assistance eligibility forms...but that is just stupid. They do check on the validity of the form whether through IRS or demanding proof via receipts of bills etc. My local church helped out with a few minor bills during lock down...but it is hardly enough.

If I moved to an area where the cost-of-living is lower I could squeak by...and make the transition to finding more work from home. Most of all I would be near my son and his girlfriend. He can't help me out financially too much but we have a great rapport and living near him would give me peace-of-mind. He is very skilled...could work on my car when needed for minor things or just checking oil and fluid levels...help me with anything I needed around the house. He can even build furniture. He is all around super supportive and we really enjoy one another - which I think is uncommon with an adult child.


I don't have the required finances to move. I have excellent credit and have kept three credit cards at zero balance for four years. My credit rating is in the excellent range. My plan is to use my credit cards (or one with lowest lending rate) and also talk to my bank as to best way to do this. I took out a loan once to cover living costs and paid it off successfully. I have been with the same bank for decades, and can continue with them in the new state.


If I move somewhere with a lower cost of living (and I believe better social services) I think I will be able to handle paying off the debt accrued by moving. I have no present debt, no car payments, no credit debt, and student loan is deferred and will probably be permanently deferred due to my income level and age. I paid off half of it. For now I can stay in deferred status.


When I started to think about moving near my son and back to my homeland it is as if my heavy heart suddenly sprouted wings! I feel more light-hearted and hopeful. While the thought of staying leaves me feeling depressed and hopeless.

But I do feel a little crazy. I am doing this all alone although on the "other side" my son will be there and he is already scouting the area for a possible new hometown in that area of the country for me. He lives in a very large city and I don't want to move to a large city. I want to move to a small town outside the city that is connected by bus and train. The last time I moved somewhere by myself was a very, very, very long time ago...when I was in my 20's. Now I am in my 60's.


On the plus side is I would be moving to an area I know intimately. I would be moving to my homeland area...but not my town of birth, specifically, because it is an economically depressed town now and not a place where I would thrive. I would be moving somewhere with family nearby. I would be moving somewhere with a lower cost-of-living and possibly with better social services. If God Forbid I got Covid19 or something else as serious...I would not be all alone.


Not so plus...moving during a pandemic! Having to accrue debt to move! Will need to get new health care because my provider isn't in that state. Will have to leave my beloved dentist of 25 years, and my beloved mechanic of 10 years. I DO NOT HAVE A FRIEND LEFT IN THIS TOWN but a good mechanic is gold and my dentist is like a friend and also gold!


I have been so unhappy and depressed and anxious especially in the last five years. It is mainly because of feeling socially isolated. This is kind of common problem in the county where I live, and overall in the state where I live. The suicide rate in this western mountain state has been climbing. It has one of the highest suicide rates in the country - a dirty little secret not discussed much. The population is growing at an insane rate, but housing is barely affordable as rents are high, and many "transplants" encounter the social isolation here as an unwelcome surprise. And this was BEFORE Covid19.

The property management will be emailing me the new lease to sign within the next week or two. I will have to give notice of moving at that time. Then all this will be reality. I am sure I will feel anxious and insecure. But I have a feeling that this is now or never. I also feel if I stay here I will become homeless in reality.

"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." - Napoleon Hill.

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Last edited by DechanDawa; Jul 06, 2020 at 03:57 PM..
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Thumbs up Jul 06, 2020 at 03:12 PM
  #2
This makes SO much sense to me. I wish you the very best of good fortune in making it a reality!

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 03:16 PM
  #3
Wow! This is my dream, only i want to move to Albuquerque. Only kinda kidding.

My lease renewal always comes with a month-to-month option, which is WAY more expensive, but i figure would be worth it if i werent quite ready to move. OTOH, my renewal comes up about 5 months early, which is also weird.
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 03:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
This makes SO much sense to me. I wish you the very best of good fortune in making it a reality!




Coming from you, Skeezyks...I cannot tell you how much this means. I know you to be one of the most well-balanced, grounded, and helpful people. THANK YOU SO VERY, VERY MUCH for this vote of confidence!

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 03:40 PM
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Wow! This is my dream, only i want to move to Albuquerque. Only kinda kidding.

My lease renewal always comes with a month-to-month option, which is WAY more expensive, but i figure would be worth it if i werent quite ready to move. OTOH, my renewal comes up about 5 months early, which is also weird.




Actually, I have considered Albuquerque! I love New Mexico...all of it...Taos...Santa Fe. Back in another lifetime when married and secure we made several trips to New Mexico.

However, I do have a friend who tried it and it didn't work out for her. I forget where in New Mexico she moved. That is the scary part about moving.

My property management company also offers a month-to-month and six month lease...but it is laughably expensive. I have been signing a 13 months lease. And by the way can anyone tell me what is up with this new 13 month lease??? For years I rented July to July...and now I am set to move end of September. Just in the nick of time because I don't want to sign another 13 month lease that would have the lease go to end of October.


I hope you get to New Mexico! It is a worthwhile goal. Keep this goal in your heart.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 03:48 PM
  #6
Since starting this thread I got a call from someone from the local nonprofit agency for elder citizens or whatever, blah, blah. She plugged in my numbers and confirmed that I am eligible for NOTHING. There is a years long wait list for senior housing in my area...and basically no other affordable housing. She is going to try to send me some gift coupons to local supermarkets. That's it. She said she could not give me her personal opinion...but then she went kind of off-record and did. She said pray, and move. Because she said if she were in my shoes she would move to be closer to her son.

She told me that basically all the assistance programs are under Medicaid..and since I am not eligible for Medicaid...there is basically no assistance.

She also gave me the number of something called Elder Locator...to help me with the move.


She put me on "the top" of her prayer list

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Wow! This is my dream, only i want to move to Albuquerque. Only kinda kidding.

My lease renewal always comes with a month-to-month option, which is WAY more expensive, but i figure would be worth it if i werent quite ready to move. OTOH, my renewal comes up about 5 months early, which is also weird.


In the last years my renewal was also sent about 5 months early. This year just 4 months early probably because of the pandemic. It is another irritation. Then they give you the best deal to resign the lease on-the-spot but if you wait - even for a week...then the deals vanish. It is such a racket.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 04:09 PM
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You sound quite sane and it sounds like a smart move!

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 04:17 PM
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You sound quite sane and it sounds like a smart move!




Thank you. Your opinion is invaluable to me.

I feel really scared, though. I have even considered if I get there and am homeless for two months I could save some money. Ridiculous. When I moved to this same area in my 20's I couch surfed and lived out of my car for a month.


If anyone told me I would be doing the same thing in my 60's I would have been pretty shocked.

I thought when I met my ex-husband I struck gold and we would be married forever and ever. In truth I am really not very strong...and was fine as long as I had the protection of marriage. On my own I have not done so well.

However...my only child...has far exceeded my wildest expectations. So I am kind of coming home to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I miss him so much! Being a parent has been the happiest part of my life.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 04:20 PM
  #10
I can't couch surf at my son's because he and his girlfriend live in a TEENY city apartment. As well I need to keep social distancing.

I simply have to have something in place. One can't couch surf during a pandemic!

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 04:33 PM
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I didn’t understand you are planning to move with no where to go. Is that correct? Hang on a minute...

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 04:58 PM
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I didn’t understand you are planning to move with no where to go. Is that correct? Hang on a minute...


Okay. Well, didn't I explain that in my original post?

I haven't even yet given notice here. My son is starting to look in the area I intend to move.

As in "have somewhere to go," maybe the assumption is that I would just go and live with my son?

Yes, I need to secure a lease in the new area. But I don't have that in place. The point is...my lease needs to be resigned in the next week or two. If I decide to not sign it and I give 60 days notice of moving...yeah, I might not have a lease in place. Although I HOPE I WILL before the 28th of this month. I have three weeks and a day to find something online. I may also need someone to co-sign a lease. I don't know. I have to call ElderCare Locator first thing in the morning.

I have been looking for a place to move to in this area...and there is no affordable housing.

So...yes...I have made the decision to move...without having yet secured a lease in the new place. If I had that in place I would probably not be in crisis and would have not even made this post.

My brother lives in the area but I refuse to contact him because he has not been concerned about me. I also had a "best friend" in the area who is no longer a friend and I have explained that in another post.

If the choice is stay here and become homeless...or go there...and be homeless I would rather be there.


I am sorry if this is more than people can grasp.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 05:03 PM
  #13
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. If this is your best option it’s definitely a good plan then. I just didn’t read carefully enough to understand that part, but I do understand now and wish you all the best and prayers for you.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 05:10 PM
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If I had everything in place then I wouldn't be in crisis and wouldn't be coming on here to post.

I don't care if I have to live out of my truck for a month.


Everyone said oh just get help and assistance and I have been trying to do that for weeks.

The agency lady just called me back and said she is trying to get me a gift certificate to a local supermarket. I hope that works out because I would have enough food for the next two months.

I am not sure of how things are working with the pandemic. In other times temporary housing would be available either at a hostel or a room in a house. That's how my son moved. He rented a room in a house for two months until he secured a lease. With the pandemic everything is uncertain.

I don't have to move until Sept. 28th and I am sure I will be able to get something secured before then.

I am sorry if I wasn't clear in my original post.

I am also sorry if people can't understand that maybe some people have been thrown into a real crisis because of the pandemic.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 05:19 PM
  #15
I don't want to be judged, either.

Last week I saw an entire family with young children - with signs asking for help with groceries...at my local supermarket.

I am fairly certain they were not homeless but maybe have insecure housing.

We are going to be seeing more of this in the months ahead.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 06:11 PM
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I am worried about my mental health and my ability to move forward.

The point is because of the pandemic I have not been able to find work. I have been living isolated in a studio apartment for 15 weeks.

My research has uncovered that there is NO AFFORDABLE HOUSING in my area while there is a high cost of living.

I have no friends or relatives here. Only my ex who remarried and lives an hour away in a big house enjoying a secure, enriched retirement.

I am certainly not going to end up homeless in the same area where he is all comfy and happy after leaving me with nothing. I would rather be dead.

As well...I tried to get medication for anxiety from my doctor because I keep having spikes of anxiety and she would rather I use holistic modalities like exercise and meditation. Having these constant anxiety spikes interferes with my ability to function but my doctor won't prescribe me proper medication.

Should I stay in a state where I cannot afford my present rent...or take a chance and move 2,000 miles away where the cost of living is lower?

Frankly I don't know how I am going to survive. I am in a crazy crazy crazy situation.

On top of which my mental health isn't great.

On top of which I am entirely alone 24/7.

Maybe I will just sign off again and come back if and when I have managed to move to my new location.

Every day I wake up to my worst nightmare: broke, alone, sick (asthma) and high risk for Covid, and unable to access resources in my community, and unable to afford where I live. No friends or family nearby. It's crazy making.

I am taking a chance to make things better. It's a big risk to move 2,000 miles on credit to a place where I don't have all my ducks in a row.

I have lived in the same town for 25 years. It is insane to be moving now under these conditions.

I am sorry. I have these spikes of anxiety and no way to treat them but exercise. Waiting for the sun to go down then will go out for a long walk.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 07:25 PM
  #17
Have you considered PODS? I just went to their website and entered data for my move to albuquerque.
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 07:43 PM
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Have you considered PODS? I just went to their website and entered data for my move to albuquerque.

Ah, so you've activated your move to Albuquerque? Good for you!

Well, am not up to this yet. I think I am going to ship my little truck because I don't think the little old lady is up to a 2,000 miles trek...and I need her on the other end.

I spent the weekend organizing my stuff and trying to cut down. The problem with the pandemic is I don't even know what is available for disposing goods. I used to donate furniture to a local Veteran's group and they would come with a truck and pick everything up. I plan on leaving my bed and just taking a futon I can roll up, a camp table, a few chairs, a sewing machine, some bookshelves, and a bike.

I don't know if my son would come out and we would drive a U-Haul back...or...I would do this PODS type thing. In that case...if my stuff and truck is shipped I would just need to hop on a plane.

Altogether I think the move and settling into a new area might cost around $5,000 - all of which I will have to charge.


I have to gather together some estimates this week...and also figure out where I want to live (the actual town) and start looking for places online.


My worst enemy is my anxiety.


I really want you to realize your dream and am happy you are taking those first steps. New Mexico is an awesome, magical state.

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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 08:05 PM
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I think it’s a perfectly sane idea to move. I think it’s great! I’d go for it. I am not sure about logistics at the moment as I am a bit tired. But it’s totally doable!

I was a bit shocked your ex left you with nothing. What kind of judge ruled on that? Did you not ask for half of his retirement savings or spousal support or something . I don’t know anyone who could leave their ex wife with nothing even if they wanted to. Unless you didn’t ask or had a horrible lawyer.

Are you younger than SS age or receiving SS? I find it crazy you don’t qualify for any assistance with no or very little income and nothing left to you after your marriage.

I wonder if you are moving to the area with public transportation you could just sell you truck. It would save you some money not owning a car if it’s possible. It’s a huge saving!

Overall it sounds exciting!!!! New start and new possibilities!
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Default Jul 06, 2020 at 08:21 PM
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Hi Dechan I think it’s a great idea that you move where your son is. You are so unhappy where you are so why not move? Especially seeing its less expensive to live where your son is located. You don’t need anything very big either maybe a studio apartment.

I think it’s a smart move tbh.
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