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Pandita-in-training
Perna
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#21
Q: Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?
A: Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40. __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Pandita-in-training
Perna
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Location: Maryland
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#22
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..."
The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers." "Okay," says the customer. "I'll tell it very slowly." __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Anonymous33350
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#23
LOL those are funny!
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mandazzle
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Location: California
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#24
Ahaha Perna those jokes are good I like them.
__________________ Speak the truth. Seek the truth. Be the truth.
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#25
why did that cake mix like to play baseball?
because he was a good batter! OH SNAP ... my little sister told me that one =] |
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selfy
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Location: england
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#26
why did the monkey fal outta the tree?
becaus it was dead lol my cuz told me this and for somereason it cracked me y all day. ooh heresd the version i edited for sammy.... why id the monkey fall outta the tree? because he took too many sleeping pills and got a bit drowsy. lol SAMMY YOU SWEETIE dot __________________ i miss you... 'cuz the drugs dont work, they just make you worse, but i, know ill see your face again...' 'welcome friends. i am potato.' |
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Grand Magnate
Lenny
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#27
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,'she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,'How does that feel now? He replied: 'It feels great.............. but, I still think my thumb's broken.' __________________ I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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splitimage
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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#28
LOL Lenny - that really cracked me up.
-splitimage |
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Grand Magnate
Lenny
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#29
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
splitimage said: LOL Lenny - that really cracked me up. -splitimage </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Me too split...I laugh everytime I read it...its all in the image created!!! Lenny __________________ I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#30
you guys are so funny!
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Grand Magnate
Lenny
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Location: SC
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#31
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Court_Knee said: you guys are so funny! </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes, laughable we are....and to be able to laugh with you at ourselves,,,oh what a wonderfull gift... Lenny __________________ I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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nita1103
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#32
a guy walks into a bar. ouch
lol i love that one |
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Pandita-in-training
Perna
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Location: Maryland
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#33
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on him?
Nothing, he just let out a little whine. __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Pandita-in-training
Perna
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Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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#34
The Final Question
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: A) the condor B) the buzzard C) the cuckoo D) the vulture The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not have to use it because ... Her friend was, well--blonde. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo." The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. "I need an answer," said Meredith. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo." "Is that your final answer?" "Yes, that is my final answer." And Meredith replied, "That answer is. Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!" Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars. "Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?" "Oh, come on," said the blonde... "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks." __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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Brian37
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#35
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magasanguis
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#36
This one's kind of gross.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a piece of paper and a pencil. And this is a supposedly true story from a doctor: I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." __________________ A life all mine Is what I choose At the end of my days... -The Gathering, "A Life All Mine" The Bite-Sized Truth |
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