[NathanNake]

I went to a celebration of life/wake for my oldest friend last night. He committed suicide on the 7th of July. He had schizoaffective disorder and was a long time alcoholic. He struggled with a couple different types of cancer throughout the years as well. He had leukemia when he was 4 years old and said I was the only kid who treated him like he wasn't sick back then.... Most people would probably just grow up and forget it, but he would always bring it up when I saw him at various times through out lives. Really wishing I had spent more time with him.

The celebration of life last night was awkward as I have social anxiety and didn't know anyone there. Most people were drinking, but I abstained.

He was only 40 years old and I keep thinking about all the things he'll never be able to do again - see friends and family, laugh, travel to some new location for vacation, etc... I wish he would have called me or something.

Anyway, just wanted to share to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading.

[88Butterfly88]

[Nix]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[downandlonely]

I'm sorry Nathan. I can't imagine how tough that must be.

[Nammu]

So sorry for your grief, it's hard.

[unaluna]

What a hard life he had. But you were always a warm and memorable part of it for him.

[CANDC]

Nathan, I am sorry you have regrets about spending more time with them, but maybe that was not easy for you especially with social anxiety. Just the fact they looked up to you must be a reassurance that you are basically a good person.

I think with any loss there are regrets. we are not prepared for the finality of death. It is not something we think about often. For me losing my dad there were regrets that if only we were closer, but that would have made letting go more difficult. I do not see any easy way out of grief. The closer the person is to us, the more difficult the situation is to get through.