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Old 01-15-2019, 10:03 PM #1
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Angry Lost my mom

So i recently lost my mom we lived in different states she was beating cancer and all of sudden got sick because she only had one kidney. She always said that having one kidney would kill her and it did. So I got the call to come see her caught the next flight out , my brother had her intubated so i could be there before she passed. As i walked in to the room i said hi mom im here and she tried to open her eyes to see me. The next day we took her off the machine and she died. i have always distanced myself from death i know it exists just dont want to think about it. I cry every day , i miss her so much , i called her every day now i have no one to talk to about certain things or just to chit chat, i feel my husband doesnt understand me or what im going thru.
I keep trying to find signs that she is around me but i truly think its bull ****. My mom told me she couldnt feel anything when her mom passed, and you know she was right. Im not religious. but i dont think that doesnt make me not feel her, i think you die your gone , you dont get a second chance to say i love you it sucks, it hurts, its frustrating, its lonely, its sad, its not getting better.
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Old 01-16-2019, 12:32 PM #2
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Smile Re: Lost my mom

Hello Cabomama: My condolences on your loss. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that address the subject of healing from grief & loss including a link to a quiz you can take on the subject of what is termed "complicated grief":

Coping with Grief and Loss - Psych Central

On Grief, Loss and Coping

Healthy Ways to Navigate Your Grief

What My Dog Taught Me about Grief and Loss

What is Complicated Grief? | Mental Health Awareness

https://psychcentral.com/news/2006/1...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/grief-quiz/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 01-16-2019, 12:42 PM #3
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I'm so sorry, Cabomama
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Old 01-16-2019, 05:58 PM #4
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Heart Re: Lost my mom

So sorry for your loss Cabomama The death of a parent is one of the most mind-altering transitions a person can experience. Please be kind and patient with yourself. Perhaps an experienced grief counselor or therapist could help you? For support and help developing coping strategies. I wish you peace and comfort. Hopefully connecting with folks on PC will also help
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Old 01-16-2019, 08:13 PM #5
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So sorry for your loss. Welcome to Psychcentral
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Old 01-17-2019, 07:22 PM #6
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So sorry for your loss. Losing a parent so quickly can feel numbing. It's a type of grief that's difficult to articulate.
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Old 01-17-2019, 07:39 PM #7
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I am so sorry for your loss. When my brother passed away I found it helpful to light a candle and think about him.
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Old 01-21-2019, 11:24 PM #8
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Welcome to Psych Central! I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think not sensing someone after they have died means there's no after life. I find it comforting to know that there is.
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Old 01-22-2019, 04:07 AM #9
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Lost my mom
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Old 01-23-2019, 02:30 PM #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cabomama View Post
So i recently lost my mom we lived in different states she was beating cancer and all of sudden got sick because she only had one kidney. She always said that having one kidney would kill her and it did. So I got the call to come see her caught the next flight out , my brother had her intubated so i could be there before she passed. As i walked in to the room i said hi mom im here and she tried to open her eyes to see me. The next day we took her off the machine and she died. i have always distanced myself from death i know it exists just dont want to think about it. I cry every day , i miss her so much , i called her every day now i have no one to talk to about certain things or just to chit chat, i feel my husband doesnt understand me or what im going thru.
I keep trying to find signs that she is around me but i truly think its bull ****. My mom told me she couldnt feel anything when her mom passed, and you know she was right. Im not religious. but i dont think that doesnt make me not feel her, i think you die your gone , you dont get a second chance to say i love you it sucks, it hurts, its frustrating, its lonely, its sad, its not getting better.
I lost my mom too, also to cancer. This Sunday is the 2 year anniversary but it doesn't feel like it's been "that long". Unlike you, I could never talk to my mom and now I can't talk to my dad. He doesn't want to talk about this. He's emotionally disconnected or unavailable to me.

I went to a couple of grief groups. I'm in touch from 2 people from one of them, but these other 2 from the other group abruptly stopped texting me. WTF? I reach out to THEM and they act like they want to keep in touch, could use the support, etc. Then they just drop me. **** them then.

And my brother stopped speaking to me too.

I wish I could cry, as it would be a great weight off of me but it won't come. I'd cry over many things, not just her death but a friend's just months before hers. And over the lack of real family connections, real friends, a job, a spouse, a pet, or a life or feeling like I'm LIVING, not just existing.
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