A Loss? I don't know who to talk to - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 02-28-2019, 09:28 AM #1
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Default A Loss? I don't know who to talk to

Two days ago, my 21 year old told me that he's transgender. Im having a difficult time dealing with this. Not because Im against transgender specifically- I have trans friends- but because I feel like Im losing him. Like he was diagnosed with cancer and only given a few months to live.

I have a letter he wrote me in 4th grade telling me why he loves me- he signed it. Im grateful that I have a lot of photos of him throughout his life. I am tryi g to make this NOT about me but I cant help it. Im in total shock. I fear something bad will happen to him - people dont always accept transgender people. That's putting it lightly.

I can't wrap my head around this. Its a huge loss. Of course I know that he will still be my child no matter what but I dont know this new person. He has known forever. Everyone in the family (that know so far) is in shock. My mom doent know what to think. As I said I have a friend who is transgender - but Ive only known her as a woman and she's not my child. She is however a great resource.

Nobody can take our relationship away. But I really fear for his well-being and safety. He's only 21.

All for now. Im still stunned, sad, overwhelmed, happy for him, angry... All the stages of grief rolled into one.
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Old 02-28-2019, 06:45 PM #2
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Default Re: A Loss? I don't know who to talk to

Moose72, I am sorry for the loss of the relationship with the child you knew. It sounds like it meant a lot to you.

I have been in support groups that NAMI runs telling similar stories several times. You are not alone. If interested here is a link to their website. Find Support | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness Every program they offer as far as I know is free. The Family to Family program is a 12 week program that shows us what is happening in people as they go through changes that mystify us.

Having others who have been through this could be a help. Hope you find the support you are looking for.
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Old 04-14-2019, 09:05 PM #3
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Default Re: A Loss? I don't know who to talk to

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
Two days ago, my 21 year old told me that he's transgender. Im having a difficult time dealing with this. Not because Im against transgender specifically- I have trans friends- but because I feel like Im losing him. Like he was diagnosed with cancer and only given a few months to live.

I have a letter he wrote me in 4th grade telling me why he loves me- he signed it. Im grateful that I have a lot of photos of him throughout his life. I am tryi g to make this NOT about me but I cant help it. Im in total shock. I fear something bad will happen to him - people dont always accept transgender people. That's putting it lightly.

I can't wrap my head around this. Its a huge loss. Of course I know that he will still be my child no matter what but I dont know this new person. He has known forever. Everyone in the family (that know so far) is in shock. My mom doent know what to think. As I said I have a friend who is transgender - but Ive only known her as a woman and she's not my child. She is however a great resource.

Nobody can take our relationship away. But I really fear for his well-being and safety. He's only 21.

All for now. Im still stunned, sad, overwhelmed, happy for him, angry... All the stages of grief rolled into one.
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! I understand how you feel!
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Old 04-19-2019, 09:39 AM #4
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Default Re: A Loss? I don't know who to talk to

Yes, dear one, you will suffer a loss of the child you knew but at the same time gain a new child. I agree that a support group/course will help you.
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