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Trig Nov 16, 2019 at 05:02 PM
  #1
That's it. She was overwhelmed by depression. Body not found but I know what she did.

she used to be in this forum, 30 yo.

it's over two weeks now.

We have been best friends for 12 years, she was like a small sister or a daughter. We where on skype almost every evening.


I feel betraied but also guilty. The pain is so sharp, the void so huge, the tears so bitter.

I loved her the best I could. Was not enough. Depression due to CEN won.

I'm just going through the days, waiting that one day life may restart for me.

I used to be greteful for this amazing friendship every night before bedtime, now I must go on by myself.

Thank you

Last edited by CANDC; Nov 19, 2019 at 10:26 PM.. Reason: remove reference to other member name
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Heart Nov 16, 2019 at 06:54 PM
  #2
My sincere condolences on your tragic loss. Here's a link to my favorite of the articles on grief & loss that are in PC's archives. What I especially love about this article is the "Self-Compassion Break Exercise" at the end of the article:

What My Dog Taught Me about Grief and Loss

May it be of benefit.

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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 07:00 PM
  #3
Oh Stefano. I'm so deeply sorry for you both
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 02:03 AM
  #4
I’m so sorry for your loss I have also lost a friend from here. Be kind to yourself

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Default Nov 18, 2019 at 12:32 AM
  #5
I am so sorry for your loss Stefano....

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Default Nov 18, 2019 at 04:44 PM
  #6
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Default Nov 18, 2019 at 07:23 PM
  #7
How are you doing, Stefano?
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Default Nov 18, 2019 at 08:46 PM
  #8
I am so, so sorry. Losing a loved one to suicide is a very specific type of extremely painful grief. How are you?

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Default Nov 18, 2019 at 09:36 PM
  #9
I am feeling terribly sad and lost.
During the day, when something relevant happened, I was always like "I can't wait to tell her..."
I knew perfectly what could make her laugh, and I could not wait the whole day to shed some light on her sadness... I made memes and ragecomics for her and now, I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. All our countless inside jokes are coming back like thorns.
It is incredible that I knew this could happen and I THOUGHT I was at least partially prepared. What a fool.

Thank you all for your kindness, it is very important
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Default Nov 19, 2019 at 03:05 AM
  #10
I wish I could say something that would ease your pain.

Just know that you're not alone.
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Default Nov 19, 2019 at 11:55 AM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue View Post
I wish I could say something that would ease your pain.

Just know that you're not alone.

You just did it
Thank you
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Default Nov 19, 2019 at 02:46 PM
  #12
Thinking of you.

Stefano, the details may be torturing you right now. But it won't always be the case.

I lost someone I Ioved (but was no longer with) in that way, and I never found out how it unfolded. The euphemism 'the drink and depression just got too much' was used, and that seemed an elegant way of putting it.

I was absolutely heartbtoken. Dropped my phone and fell to my knees when I heard the news.

I've upset myself a bit!

Well, that's just the way it is. And a tribute to him, in a way.

Hang in there, friend.
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Default Nov 19, 2019 at 11:21 PM
  #13
Sorry to bring up bad memories, but thank you for the support.
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Default Nov 20, 2019 at 10:12 PM
  #14
I am doing a lot of guided meditations these days, to calm down and relax if possible.
I wanted to share this one that I appreciate in particular. I do it very night before going to sleep.
YouTube
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Default Nov 21, 2019 at 12:34 AM
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Default Nov 21, 2019 at 12:26 PM
  #16
Feeling very bad today. I keep tormenting myself about all the things I should have done during the years to change the situation.
If I had been able to get a proper job, a home (I live with my parents) we could have lived together.
I could have talked to her family to make them stop being so toxic. But she didn't want me to, I could have lost her trust.
Now I'll drag myself to the gym and then maybe I'll feel better.
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Default Nov 21, 2019 at 10:23 PM
  #17
Quote:
Originally Posted by stefano View Post
I am doing a lot of guided meditations these days, to calm down and relax if possible.
I wanted to share this one that I appreciate in particular. I do it very night before going to sleep.
YouTube
Nice meditation thanks for sharing. Here are a couple I enjoy

YouTube

YouTube

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Default Nov 21, 2019 at 10:25 PM
  #18
stefano. Survivors guilt tore me apart for a while. All the whatifs. It sounds like in some ways she wanted to deal with this in her own way.

Exercise helps me get out of the doldrums. Hope it works for you.
@CANDC

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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 09:41 PM
  #19
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Originally Posted by CANDC View Post
stefano. Survivors guilt tore me apart for a while. All the whatifs. It sounds like in some ways she wanted to deal with this in her own way.

Exercise helps me get out of the doldrums. Hope it works for you.
@CANDC

Yes, I'm trying not to blame myself for not doing more.
I do martial arts and I have managed to drag myself to the dojo. I hope it will help.
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Default Nov 22, 2019 at 09:44 PM
  #20
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Originally Posted by stefano View Post
Yes, I'm trying not to blame myself for not doing more.
I do martial arts and I have managed to drag myself to the dojo. I hope it will help.
Just getting out of the house helped me. There are almost vibrations that get set up in my house that seem to disappear when I am in a different environment.

I practice Tai Chi and Qi Gong. My granddaughter is just starting with karate.
@CANDC

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