Loss of my husband

Artemis2019 · Jun 29, 2019 at 03:03 PM

Possible trigger:

My husband died 8 weeks ago. Although he had cancer and we knew his time wasn't long, I was still not prepared. He had come home from the hospital on hospice (but he said, "I am not coming home to die!") and I thought he had a few weeks at least. Instead he died after only three days. I was with him and it was not easy, rather traumatic instead. It haunts me at times.

I am struggling with the grief and guilt for not making things better for him. Although I did the best I could to care for him, looking back, I can see how I might have done some things differently, maybe he would have suffered less.

I have a few people who are supportive but not many. And I don't want to overburden them.

I have hesitated to post because there are so many people who are suffering just like me, and it seems overwhelming, this burden of grief from so many.

Skeezyks · Jun 29, 2019 at 04:19 PM

Thank you for sharing your grief here on PC. I'm so sorry for your loss.

You wrote that, although you did the best you could, you can see how you could have done things differently. I suspect this is the way we all feel at times such as these. Hindsight, as we are always told, is 20 / 20.

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of grief & loss that hopefully may be of some help. The first article, by DocJohn, provides links to quite a number of additional articles on the subject:

Coping with Grief | Psych Central

Grieving as a Path to Connection and Meaning: A New Perspective | Healing Together for Couples

Thoughts on Memories, Grief and Loss

My best wishes to you.

Mopey · Jun 29, 2019 at 10:24 PM

((((

Artemis2019

)))) No words.....

Jun 30, 2019 at 06:09 AM

I know the feeling.

Possible trigger:

when my mom was diagnosed I really thought we could handle it but everything was so fast. They took her in for radiation and she got much worse and it was just a total snowball from there. I was so helpless. I was struggling just to keep up. We took her home one day and she got up in the middle of the night and said, I am scared. God that CHILLED me. I called the ambulance and she never came home. I can't even go to the grave because I feel like I failed her.

I hate to say it but that feeling probably won't go away completely. Just keep reminding yourself that there was nothing you could have done.

Artemis2019 · Jun 30, 2019 at 08:45 PM

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you lost your mom, especially so quickly. It sounds like you didn't even have time to adjust to what was happening. I know what you mean about feeling like you failed her, but I'm guessing you did the best you could in the moment. I did the best I could in the moment too but I'm harder on myself than I ever would be on another person. Part of me just wants to go back in time and do things over, as if it could make the outcome different.

Artemis2019 · Jun 30, 2019 at 08:46 PM

thank you mopey.

Travelinglady · Jul 02, 2019 at 11:20 AM

Hi, Artemis2019, and welcome to Psych Central!

Please take comfort that you did the best you could at the time. and don't be so hard on yourself. Okay?

I'm sorry about the loss of your husband.

88Butterfly88 · Jul 05, 2019 at 09:50 PM

CANDC · Jul 06, 2019 at 09:16 PM

I am sorry for your losses of loved ones. Losing a loved one is so rough. The quicker it happens the less time we have to prepare.

I was lucky in some ways to have a couple years but in some ways this prolonged the grieving and anticipating grief.

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Loss of my husband

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Mopey Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: California Posts: 2,025 5 1,520 hugs given	Jun 29, 2019 at 10:24 PM #3 (((( Artemis2019 )))) No words.....
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Artemis2019 New Member Member Since May 2019 Location: US Posts: 6 4	Jun 30, 2019 at 08:46 PM #6 thank you mopey.
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Travelinglady Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Sep 2010 Location: North Carolina Posts: 47,979 (SuperPoster!) 13 22.9k hugs given	Jul 02, 2019 at 11:20 AM #7 Hi, Artemis2019, and welcome to Psych Central! Please take comfort that you did the best you could at the time. and don't be so hard on yourself. Okay? I'm sorry about the loss of your husband.
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88Butterfly88 Moderator Community Support Team Member Since Dec 2015 Location: New Jersey Posts: 54,190 (SuperPoster!) 8 10.5k hugs given	Jul 05, 2019 at 09:50 PM #8
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CANDC Super Moderator Community Support Team Community Liaison Chat Leader Member Since May 2014 Location: Northeast USA New England Posts: 17,393 (SuperPoster!) 9 2,308 hugs given	Jul 06, 2019 at 09:16 PM #9 I am sorry for your losses of loved ones. Losing a loved one is so rough. The quicker it happens the less time we have to prepare. I was lucky in some ways to have a couple years but in some ways this prolonged the grieving and anticipating grief. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time"
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