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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2012
Posts: 1,384
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#1
I'm feeling weird but I'm stable in the aftermath of a horrible 9 month long battle.
I am worried about my dad though. He's in his early 60's and he's been very dazed, and I know that he is grieving something awful. My mom was young and had her whole life ahead of her. I told him I am always here, and check in, but he's largely quiet. Should I give him space? Anyone who lost a spouse, what helped you the most? |
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Disreputable Old Troll
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#2
My condolences on your, & your dad's, loss. I haven't lost a spouse although I'm actually older than your dad. I think the best you can do is to ask your dad what he wants / needs & allow him whatever time he needs to grieve in whatever way he chooses. Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives. It discusses how to console a grieving friend. However I think the suggestions it offers are relevant to grieving family members as well:
8 Tips To Help Console A Grieving Friend My best wishes to you... __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2012
Posts: 1,384
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#3
Thanks the article had some good ideas. I feel helpless and my parents relationship dynamic was a tangled dysfunctional one, even if they loved each other. I don’t think he has an identity without her
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zapatoes
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#4
That's possible, See what you can find on the Internet about such matters. I suggest you do try to be more hands on. Visit with him, Don't give him too much space, is my suggestion. He needs someone to help him see life is still worth living. Okay?
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doyoutrustme
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#5
[QUOTE=doyoutrustme;6589787]Thanks the article had some good ideas. I feel helpless and my parents relationship dynamic was a tangled dysfunctional one, even if they loved each other. I don’t think he has an identity without her[/QUOTE
Sometimes people grieve however they will. Everyone is different. If you can find any support groups for grief and loss at a senior center or hospital, maybe he would go with you. I think if it is possible to spend time doing things together and gettting him out of the house would be better than isolating. Finding a new relationship with your dad may now be possible. Do you have siblings or close relatives that could help him feel connected to people. I now call my mom every day after she lost her husband. She now has grown more accepting of her death but it is almost 3 years. I think calling her every day has helped and gave her something to live for. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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#6
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#7
I'm sorry you lost your mom.
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2012
Posts: 1,384
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#8
me too.
I think I cope by trying to help everyone else because now I'm worried about my brother, who does work full-time, but other than that, lives with my dad and doesnt leave his room. My dad wants him to live life. He's not letting him grieve his own way. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: usa
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#9
i am so sorry for your loss. i hope you and your family can try to talk about your feelings to help process the grief and all its related entanglements. one on one grief counseling might also help.
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doyoutrustme
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