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Default Jul 23, 2019 at 11:00 PM
  #1
I’m going through a loss. My mom’s best friend passed away suddenly on June 29. She was the one that my sister and I always called our second mom. She had cancer but nobody knew except for her husband. Her siblings and nieces and nephews had no idea how ill she was. My mom had no clue either. It came as a shock for her family, our family and our whole community of friends. I still remember the day that she passed away. I was at work and an old friend texted me on my WhatsApp how are you doing have you heard the sad news. I was on break when I read that message and then I saw a message from my sister asking me if I knew what was wrong with our second mom. I was confused and freaking out. I left work to go to my second parent’s house and when I found out that she passed away I regretted that I couldn’t have another hug from her. Because just two weeks before she passed away, my husband emailed me on Father’s Day telling me that he wanted a divorce. So I definitely was going through a roller coaster of emotions. I was confused and hurt about why I wasted two years of my life on this person who didn’t even care about me. My second mom understood that because she knew that I deserved to be treated with love and respect. My second mom knew that I also deserved to be loved unconditionally.
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Smile Jul 24, 2019 at 02:55 PM
  #2
Thanks for sharing this. My condolences on your loss. Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of healing from grief & loss plus 1 on the subject of finding joy even when life feels awful:

Coping with Grief | Psych Central

Thoughts on Memories, Grief and Loss

Healthy Ways to Navigate Your Grief

Grieving as a Path to Connection and Meaning: A New Perspective | Healing Together for Couples

How to Find Joy… Even When Life Is Feeling Awful

My best wishes to you...

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Default Jul 24, 2019 at 04:11 PM
  #3
You’re Welcome. Thanks for the heartfelt condolences and the best wishes! Thanks for the links as well. I will check them out when I get a chance. Just went to the library today to find some books and picked up a couple of books on grief, death, divorce, and how to survive getting a divorce.
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Default Aug 01, 2019 at 09:07 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernDesiGirl View Post
I’m going through a loss. My mom’s best friend passed away suddenly on June 29. She was the one that my sister and I always called our second mom. She had cancer but nobody knew except for her husband. Her siblings and nieces and nephews had no idea how ill she was. My mom had no clue either. It came as a shock for her family, our family and our whole community of friends. I still remember the day that she passed away. I was at work and an old friend texted me on my WhatsApp how are you doing have you heard the sad news. I was on break when I read that message and then I saw a message from my sister asking me if I knew what was wrong with our second mom. I was confused and freaking out. I left work to go to my second parent’s house and when I found out that she passed away I regretted that I couldn’t have another hug from her. Because just two weeks before she passed away, my husband emailed me on Father’s Day telling me that he wanted a divorce. So I definitely was going through a roller coaster of emotions. I was confused and hurt about why I wasted two years of my life on this person who didn’t even care about me. My second mom understood that because she knew that I deserved to be treated with love and respect. My second mom knew that I also deserved to be loved unconditionally.
SouthernDesiGirl;6589897, welcome to Psych Central I am so sorry for your losses. It must be so rough to go through.

Support groups helped me realize it was okay to grieve and that despite what others said it took time. I wrote a lot of letters saying things I wish I could have or would have said. I got the feeling there was no blame. Somehow I started to find new interests to replace the parts of my life that dissolved.

Feel free to respond or send a personal message.

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Default Aug 04, 2019 at 07:16 PM
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Loss of my second mom who was such a beautiful soul
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 10:35 PM
  #6
Thanks for the wonderful welcome CANDC! I really liked how sweet your post was. Thanks for your condolences. Thanks for letting me know that if I ever needed a friend I could personally message you. If I do have a bad day soon I know that I might message you personally. haven’t been on the website for a few days because I got busy with work and also got busy writing posts on my blog. Also been patiently waiting to hear back from my lawyer so I can sign the paperwork that he made to file for divorce.
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 10:36 PM
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Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88 View Post
Loss of my second mom who was such a beautiful soul
Thanks for your sympathy and condolences.
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Default Aug 09, 2019 at 07:48 PM
  #8
You are welcome DesiGirl. It sounds like you are moving in the direction of closure. Before you sign anything for the divorce settlement or custody if you have children, make sure you understand it so there are no surprises later.

If you do get a cash settlement that is the best time to set up an emergency fund of 6-24 months so if you ever have a period where you cannot work you can still pay the bills.

You might ask the lawyer if part of the settlement could be a provision for counseling by a therapist to help you deal with the shock of the divorce. You could also process your feelings about other losses in your life.

Take care.

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