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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 08:20 PM
  #1
I am in a lot of pain. Can't work. Can't study. I have a summer course and it's at risk.

I had a fiancé. He had a diagnosis of narcissism. He was seeing a pychologist. We were having unprotected sex and planning a mariage.

It was tough. The psychologist said we should be doing projects. He wouldn't agree on one. This was 2014. We had separate résidences and he put my stuff from his home in a bag and put in in my living room. I could no longer see his adult kids. I broke up with him.

He pulled me back March 2018. Still seeing the psychologist. He had tears in his eyes because I was menopausal and couldn't have kids. He wanted mariage and said we could adopt. He was different. i saw empathy.

But he wouldn't let me into his home. August 2018, I said, '' if I Don't go to your house, you Don't come to mine''. So that was the end of sex. But he kept seeing his psy and talking marriage.

July 1, I went to his house and he came out with his wife. I talked to her. She is from Mexico. He went on holiday to Mexico Sept 2014. (While we were seeing a psy for us) and moved her into his home in Oct. 2014. They were married in Sept 2015.

What is Killing the most:
1) he was having unprotected sex with me in order to have a child and marry me… but he was married. He was trying to have a pregnant mistress.. This hurts so much.
2) He pulled me back March 2018 with the promise of mariage and adoption, but he was already married so he couldn't do either.

I feel a betrayal so huge that I can't get past it. How do you do that to someone. It's been a month. I feel anger now. I didn't feel anger before, just pain. Now I feel anger and pain. So much of both. And I am not functionning.

Help
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roses4me
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 08:23 PM
  #2
So we were having sex (making love) before he met her, while she was living in his house, during their engagement, one Week after their mariage (with a session with the psy) and after their honeymoon. I asked if he had told his psychologist that he was married when he was consulting to have a mariage with me. He said, ' it's not his business to know'. He planned it all. And that hurts. And makes me really mad.
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 08:31 PM
  #3
I feel such pain and such loss… he stood before a celebrant and made vows for life to someone else. It was supposed to be me. She showed me the pictures. His kids organized the wedding. It was supposed to be mine.

pain
loss
and anger
and no feeling of 'it's gonna be OK.''
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 08:51 PM
  #4
Oh, what an awful man for you to run into. What a terrible betrayal. You may not see it now but you can be thankful one day that you are not married to him and didn't get pregnant.

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Default Aug 01, 2019 at 09:19 PM
  #5
roses4me I am sorry that you are in so much pain. It must be agonizing to lose the trust you have with a person.

Have you considered talking to a therapist? Maybe someone else can guide you through this difficult situation.

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Tongue Aug 21, 2019 at 09:47 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by roses4me View Post
I am in a lot of pain. Can't work. Can't study. I have a summer course and it's at risk.

I had a fiancé. He had a diagnosis of narcissism. He was seeing a pychologist. We were having unprotected sex and planning a mariage.

It was tough. The psychologist said we should be doing projects. He wouldn't agree on one. This was 2014. We had separate résidences and he put my stuff from his home in a bag and put in in my living room. I could no longer see his adult kids. I broke up with him.

He pulled me back March 2018. Still seeing the psychologist. He had tears in his eyes because I was menopausal and couldn't have kids. He wanted mariage and said we could adopt. He was different. i saw empathy.

But he wouldn't let me into his home. August 2018, I said, '' if I Don't go to your house, you Don't come to mine''. So that was the end of sex. But he kept seeing his psy and talking marriage.

July 1, I went to his house and he came out with his wife. I talked to her. She is from Mexico. He went on holiday to Mexico Sept 2014. (While we were seeing a psy for us) and moved her into his home in Oct. 2014. They were married in Sept 2015.

What is Killing the most:
1) he was having unprotected sex with me in order to have a child and marry me… but he was married. He was trying to have a pregnant mistress.. This hurts so much.
2) He pulled me back March 2018 with the promise of mariage and adoption, but he was already married so he couldn't do either.

I feel a betrayal so huge that I can't get past it. How do you do that to someone. It's been a month. I feel anger now. I didn't feel anger before, just pain. Now I feel anger and pain. So much of both. And I am not functionning.

Help
I'm sorry that this happened to you and that you really didn't know that you were having an affair with a married man. I would tell his wife that he been cheating on her and had already planning on having children with his mistress who been going to couple counseling with had known he was married or was getting married you never would've been involved with him. I would let the therapist know about the affair and find someone else who could help you through this difficult time!
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Default Aug 21, 2019 at 09:47 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by roses4me View Post
So we were having sex (making love) before he met her, while she was living in his house, during their engagement, one Week after their mariage (with a session with the psy) and after their honeymoon. I asked if he had told his psychologist that he was married when he was consulting to have a mariage with me. He said, ' it's not his business to know'. He planned it all. And that hurts. And makes me really mad.
I'm sorry!
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Default Aug 22, 2019 at 03:09 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by roses4me View Post
I feel such pain and such loss… he stood before a celebrant and made vows for life to someone else. It was supposed to be me. She showed me the pictures. His kids organized the wedding. It was supposed to be mine.

pain
loss
and anger
and no feeling of 'it's gonna be OK.''
I'm so sorry! Did you ever informed her that you are engaged to him just to see how she would react to findings out that he been cheating on her? You didn't deserve to be treated this way!
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Default Aug 24, 2019 at 07:17 PM
  #9
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Originally Posted by tecomsin View Post
Oh, what an awful man for you to run into. What a terrible betrayal. You may not see it now but you can be thankful one day that you are not married to him and didn't get pregnant.
I agree!
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Default Aug 24, 2019 at 07:18 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by CANDC View Post
roses4me I am sorry that you are in so much pain. It must be agonizing to lose the trust you have with a person.

Have you considered talking to a therapist? Maybe someone else can guide you through this difficult situation.
That is a great idea! I wish that I had thought about that myself!
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