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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
17 63 hugs
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#1
That's it. She was overwhelmed by depression. Body not found but I know what she did.
she used to be in this forum, 30 yo. it's over two weeks now. We have been best friends for 12 years, she was like a small sister or a daughter. We where on skype almost every evening. I feel betraied but also guilty. The pain is so sharp, the void so huge, the tears so bitter. I loved her the best I could. Was not enough. Depression due to CEN won. I'm just going through the days, waiting that one day life may restart for me. I used to be greteful for this amazing friendship every night before bedtime, now I must go on by myself. Thank you Last edited by CANDC; Nov 19, 2019 at 10:26 PM.. Reason: remove reference to other member name |
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*Beth*, 3rd rock, 5stacks, 88Butterfly88, beauflow, Bill3, Blknblu, bluekoi, Buffy01, Gasplessy, Lonelyinmyheart, mote.of.soul, Nammu, Open Eyes, Purple,Violet,Blue, Skeezyks, stahrgeyzer, TimTheEnchanter, TishaBuv, unaluna, WastingAsparagus, zapatoes
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Buffy01
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
My sincere condolences on your tragic loss. Here's a link to my favorite of the articles on grief & loss that are in PC's archives. What I especially love about this article is the "Self-Compassion Break Exercise" at the end of the article:
What My Dog Taught Me about Grief and Loss May it be of benefit. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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*Beth*, Purple,Violet,Blue, stefano
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
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#3
Oh Stefano. I'm so deeply sorry for you both
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stefano
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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#4
I’m so sorry for your loss I have also lost a friend from here. Be kind to yourself
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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*Beth*, Purple,Violet,Blue, stefano
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Elder
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,057
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#5
I am so sorry for your loss Stefano....
__________________ Guiness187055 Moderator Community support team |
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stefano
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
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#6
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stefano
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stefano
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
6 10.3k hugs
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#7
How are you doing, Stefano?
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#8
I am so, so sorry. Losing a loved one to suicide is a very specific type of extremely painful grief. How are you?
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
17 63 hugs
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#9
I am feeling terribly sad and lost.
During the day, when something relevant happened, I was always like "I can't wait to tell her..." I knew perfectly what could make her laugh, and I could not wait the whole day to shed some light on her sadness... I made memes and ragecomics for her and now, I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. All our countless inside jokes are coming back like thorns. It is incredible that I knew this could happen and I THOUGHT I was at least partially prepared. What a fool. Thank you all for your kindness, it is very important |
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beauflow, Bill3, Blknblu, Lonelyinmyheart, Open Eyes, Purple,Violet,Blue, zapatoes
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
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#10
I wish I could say something that would ease your pain.
Just know that you're not alone. |
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stefano
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
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#11
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Britain
Posts: 2,899
6 10.3k hugs
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#12
Thinking of you.
Stefano, the details may be torturing you right now. But it won't always be the case. I lost someone I Ioved (but was no longer with) in that way, and I never found out how it unfolded. The euphemism 'the drink and depression just got too much' was used, and that seemed an elegant way of putting it. I was absolutely heartbtoken. Dropped my phone and fell to my knees when I heard the news. I've upset myself a bit! Well, that's just the way it is. And a tribute to him, in a way. Hang in there, friend. |
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stefano
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
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#13
Sorry to bring up bad memories, but thank you for the support.
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CANDC, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
17 63 hugs
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#14
I am doing a lot of guided meditations these days, to calm down and relax if possible.
I wanted to share this one that I appreciate in particular. I do it very night before going to sleep. YouTube |
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Purple,Violet,Blue, Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,029
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#15
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Purple,Violet,Blue, stefano
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
17 63 hugs
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#16
Feeling very bad today. I keep tormenting myself about all the things I should have done during the years to change the situation.
If I had been able to get a proper job, a home (I live with my parents) we could have lived together. I could have talked to her family to make them stop being so toxic. But she didn't want me to, I could have lost her trust. Now I'll drag myself to the gym and then maybe I'll feel better. |
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CANDC, Open Eyes, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,411
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#17
__________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,411
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#18
stefano. Survivors guilt tore me apart for a while. All the whatifs. It sounds like in some ways she wanted to deal with this in her own way.
Exercise helps me get out of the doldrums. Hope it works for you. @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Roma, Italy
Posts: 519
17 63 hugs
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#19
Quote:
Yes, I'm trying not to blame myself for not doing more. I do martial arts and I have managed to drag myself to the dojo. I hope it will help. |
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,411
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9 2,312 hugs
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#20
Quote:
I practice Tai Chi and Qi Gong. My granddaughter is just starting with karate. @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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