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puzzclar
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Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
101 hugs
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#1
At a young age, my mom at a miscarriage and I could have lost her.
I moved at age 7, and lost friends. I was bullied and was constantly reminded that I was nothing and I lost more friends because of the bullying I had a fire at my middle school. The building was not burnt very much but it was enough that there was a smell of smoke. I panicked the next day. There was a bomb threat at my school, and every fire drill my friends said it was a bomb threat. I lost my grandparents. I had anxiety attacks after the passing of my grandpa. Those attacks went away but the damage was done, and I was suspended twice for a medical condition. I finally got my degree but it took 18 months from the time that I finished the course work. I have seen two house fires, in my neighborhood. I have seen loss, and I fell lost. While typing this up, I didn't cry. or experience any emotions, besides anger. I am not in touch with my emotions. Recently 5 days ago, I got a look inside my "mental castle" and ever since I have not had many reactions to the experience of understanding what was inside the castle. I have been working on an assignment to set goals in being more connected spiritually, and have been rather stuck. I keep going around the issues but I feel fear. Fear that I won't make much progress and be kicked out of school. (I'm in a Grad school counseling program). I feel stuck. I'm not progressing as I want. It's bringing up lots of fear. Can I become a counselor will I have to grieve that too? How have you gotten past your grief? What skills did you use to move on? I know it's not very simple, or is it simple. I'm so scared to reach out to a mentor and say, I feel lost! Can I really speak from the heart? Do I have a heart? IF you were in my shoes, what would you do? |
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Mendingmysoul
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Threadtastic Postaholic
sarahsweets
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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192 hugs
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#2
Hey @puzzclar I cant identify with all you shared but I have some thoughts on grief.
Quote:
My father died suddenly when I was 24. He was not a good dad. But the 2 years I had before he died helped me connect with him on a level where I was able to forgive him. When he died I mourned the loss but it was more about what could have been and not what was. I was past grieving about the way things used to be and had to grieve that our relationship was cut short. I believe he was mentally ill and he was an addict from an abusive home. This made me understand (not accept as ok) they way he was with me. My grieving turned into acceptance- that he was probably better off where he was because he was so tortured on earth. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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CANDC
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Living Entity
IrisBloom
fell off the unicorn, but will be back on shortly
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: La La Land
Posts: 28,949
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2,365 hugs
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#3
You survived! And now you are pursuing something you really want. You know that ruminating on the past does not change anything. I too have been through a lot of trauma and while I'm nowhere near healed from it all, I try to not let the past influence my future. Be the person you want to be or at least pretend to be. I know it doesn't really help but, the pain really does get better. Or rather, we learn to grow in spite of it.
Try to think of yourself as a WINNER! rather than a loser. __________________ |
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puzzclar
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