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Deilla
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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 01:54 PM
  #21
Hello all! I thought I would offer my support and share some. I think starting a group is a wonderful idea. I can relate because my youngest daughter won't talk to me. I only know how she is doing via Facebook and her older sister. Even with my oldest, the relationship is strained. My daughter M doesn't like to talk on the phone and we only text every once in a while. I don't understand it. I missed a big part of their childhood through no fault of my own. They're father told them I abandoned them. He actually cut me out of there lives. It was done legally and through trickery. For years I was a mess. Now that they are older, my pain has lessened. Though I wish I could be close to them again.

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 02:29 PM
  #22
I started a group. It's called "Parents of Estranged Adult Children." Social groups are way down at the bottom of the list of forums on PC. Hopefully, the group shows up properly. I might have to approve you before you join, I'm not sure.

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 02:34 PM
  #23
So I created the group, but I don't see it showing up on the list of social groups. I'll have to come back to this later today and figure it out.

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 09:16 PM
  #24
Thanks Beth. I think we can give each other perspective and empathy.

To All who are following;
Over the holidays my daughter's ex husband contacted us to wish us a Merry Christmas. He was less than an ideal father or husband. He was an addict during the time his children were growing up. My husband and I stepped in to fill that gap. He has expressed appreciation for that but there are trust issues on our part.

Long story short I called him today and he is sober for a year or so and is being a father to his youngest, N is 20 next month and A is 22. I have not seen them or heard from them in a year as my daughter threatened them. They cannot have contact. It hurt me so much as we raised them more or less. But more than myself I was concerned that they would become depressed living with their mother, my daughter. They were not working last I heard and I have been very concerned.

Their father, R, has been seeing them and has gotten them cars and jobs. R is coming over Monday to talk.

I was so relieved to know they are ok. It was physical, the relief I felt. The weight of this is so heavy. I will be ok if they choose not to take a chance on seeing me . I saw N secretly for awhile and gave him a phone that he kept from her. She pulled up one day at a place we met and he was told if he sees me she will not allow him to stay at her house. I don't think they trust their father enough to risk that yet.

I know, she is awful. She was different before alcohol and drugs and before she got involved with the man she is living with. But now she is nothing like the daughter I knew.

The good news is I may have someone to keep me informed and that is more than I've had. I'm grateful. I've been praying and this is an answer to prayer.

Thanks for reading.
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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 10:02 PM
  #25
I’m 55 and just became estranged from my oldest son, 24, who just got married.

I thought we had a great relationship. There was never even an argument about anything until he began planning his wedding.

I am convinced it was his now wife who set out to alienate him from his parents. Only bad things were done to us in the process. It was a ‘what does it take to get rid of them?’ And it was well played to drive us off. We did not attend their wedding because they humiliated us in a way rarely anyone does and would not spare us in the slightest to accommodate us to attend. So we simply did not go and did not pay. Now our son will not speak to us. Even after the wedding has past, he refuses to respond to the simplest texts like the other day, “Happy new year!” No response, ghosted just to punish us.

I have heard there is a whole movement of adult children becoming estranged from their parents. There is a sentiment of they don’t feel obligated to maintain contact or honor us in any way.

We were as good parents as any children could have. Our son trumped up BS offenses that we were bad parents to justify his horrible treatment of us. It was ludicrous.

I have been coping with severe PTSD reactions to this tragedy for nearly a year, waking nightly in panic attack, crying, ruminating, majorly depressed. I didn’t do anything wrong and thought he loved me, but I guess either he is totally brainwashed or he never really loved us at all.

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 10:58 PM
  #26
Tisha
I am so sorry. At the beginning of my estrangement from my daughter I had the same sort of reaction. Life did not prepare us for this! Many other life challenges are expected _not welcome but expected _ such as aging and illness and loss of a parent. Our children withdrawing is not expected. I hoped to be loved and cared for in my old age as I cared for them .

I wish I could take away your pain. I can say that it becomes less " crazy feeling" over time.

Please join us in the new group created by Beth Rags , "Parents of Estranged Children" in social groups. She just created it and I found it under social groups but had to type in the name.

I hope that by sharing we can find comfort and strength.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 03:21 PM
  #27
One of my stepdaughters is estranged from her dad and my other stepdaughter. Well what contributed to estrangement is a long list of things. She is a felon, drug addict and a volatile person, she also has a rather dangerous job where she is exposed to drugs and violence, not sure if I want to share details. Both my husband, my other stepdaughter, my sister in law and eventually I tried to help her. Unfortunately it always ended in ugly mess. Sadly it might be for the best that she isn’t part of our daily lives. But it breaks my husband’s heart.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 04:25 PM
  #28
I just posted my story on the other thread near this one. I sure wish i could figure out how to navigate the group.

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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 04:47 PM
  #29
Quote:
Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
I just posted my story on the other thread near this one. I sure wish i could figure out how to navigate the group.
I joined your group but me and you are the only members lol your group doesn’t show up, I searched for it. Ask moderators on community feedback forum
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 05:50 PM
  #30
The new group is a work in progress. Beth is working on the bugs. I think it will be a great group.
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Default Jul 21, 2020 at 09:13 AM
  #31
Hi Paper Roses, I'm a 51 year old Mum dealing with what I feel like sometimes, is the loss of my youngest daughter. She's in a gay relationship with an older controlling woman who is making her miserable, berates her and physically abuses her. I know how you feel when you wonder what you did wrong and how you ended up abandoned by the very ones you brought into this world. Sending you hugs and strength.
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