Death of a friend (TRIGGER WARNING)

My friend and downstairs roommate died today. I heard moaning when I stepped out of my room this morning. I walked over to the back door steps and saw her lying on her back in front of her bedroom door. Her face was blue and hardly breathing. I called my friends from upstairs and then 911. The paramedics spent an hour (or it at least it seemed that long) with her, trying to bring her around. We were all somewhat confident she would come around.

I was driving to a hockey tournament around lunch when my friend called me and told me she didn't make it. I immediately turned around and drove back home. It's just been such a shock and everyone is (understandably) upset.
Everyone is telling me I gave her a fighting chance by calling 911 and doing chest compressions. I was in shock for a bit before calling 911, so I'm feeling guilty for that. It was only for a couple of seconds, but those count. I have no idea how long she was lying there. Nobody heard anything, until I heard her moaning and gasping.

She was a few months older than me (she would've been 41 next month) and she wasn't in the greatest of shape. She was overweight, a smoker, drank a lot of carbonated soft drinks and had anxiety issues. She also had a 15 year old son. I can't imagine a parent losing their child, either.

Everyone seems to think it was a heart attack. I'm just worried it's the dreaded "S" word. My friend told me that when she wanted to cut or kill herself, she would go for a long drive. She mentioned it to me once after one of her drives. I asked if she was okay and she said she was. She had been accepted for ODSP and had been in a better mood the last week or so, and that's what is making me think this might not have been an accident.

I'm just in complete and total shock right now. I haven't posted anything on social media out of respect for her family, since people should hear it from them before me. The paramedic said if/when she came around, it would be in large part because of me. I just wish I could've done more, but I'm sure I couldn't have. I'm not a religious person in any way, but I really need some good vibes right now.

Thank you.

Thanks for sharing this tragic experience. It sounds as though you did everything you could. There's an article in PC's archives on the subject of grief & loss I am fond of in particular because of the Self-Compassion Break Exercise at the end. Perhaps it can be of some help. Here's a link to the article:

What My Dog Taught Me about Grief and Loss

My best wishes to you...

I can't imagine how you must feel right now. But please don't blame yourself for anything. You tried to revive her and did the best you could.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Maybe a grief support group would be helpful.

I'm not necessarily blaming myself now, it's just the trauma of seeing her near death and turning blue. I scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist on Friday to discuss it. I took today off of work, but I'm working Thursday and Friday since I feel like I need to get back into some sort of routine. I've also been trying to keep up with my school work, but I haven't been able to concentrate. My Second Career coordinator suggested taking a break. I just hope that doesn't mean having to withdraw again since I want to get this finished and if Laura was here, she would want me too as well. My friends upstairs are having a worse time dealing with it since they knew her better and longer than I did. I just want answers.

HI thekingof8. I imagine words of condolence hardly start to ease your pain, but I am sincerely sorry to hear of the loss of your neighbor. You are facing the death of someone you know and that can be very traumatic.

The school might have grief counselors. I found the hospital in my area had an 8 week course in grief support that seemed like something that would help.

When my dad died 3 years ago I went into shock and found myself overly emotional for me and my norm. I found doing things was harder as if my brain was disconnected.

For me I had to get back on my low carb high protein diet to stabilize my moods again and get back to exercises on a daily basis just to get my energy back. I had to set goals, even very small ones, and monitor completing them. This was in large part building my life again when all seemed to be broken. It was like reinventing myself.

You might want to talk to your teachers and explain the situation and some may be willing to offer you options to make completing the course possible. If you can get started before the drop deadline the school sets, maybe you might have enough momentum to get out of inertia into action.

@CANDC

I'm so sorry that you lost your friend. I.understand how you feel due to.losing my best friend and having a bad feeling for several months something was wrong up until the last time I saw my friend up.until the day it happens and not a day goes by that I do.not wonder if I could have warn my friend even though I know that there was nothing else that I could have done. Here a ::hug