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Default Mar 23, 2020 at 01:13 AM
  #1
My mother passed away last Wednesday after a year and three month battle with pancreatic cancer. I felt relieved at first. Services were made quickly, and lots of family and friends came around and showed support. The memorial service and funeral went beautifully. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath. I’ve missed her even when she was alive... everything feels like a blur. There’s a wrenching in my gut. My head feels fuzzy. I’m quite young to be experiencing all of this. She was taken young, too. I’ve reached acceptance in the fact that I never denied her condition, and I know that she is gone from her physical presence. It doesn’t make me feel better necessarily, however she is no longer in pain.

This grief hits hard sometimes. This is my first major loss in my life and quite honestly I hate that there was nothing to do to prepare for grief. It’s a “walk on water or drown” situation. I feel thrown in the middle of it. I feel alone. I feel empty. Numb. Sadness. Sometimes anger. Sometimes overwhelmed by anxiety. What does my future hold? This is my new normal? It’s all new to me and so much has changed yet stayed the same.

To make the stress worse the pandemic really has me freaked, not for myself but for my family and friends who may not fight off the virus as easily as I could. Planning a funeral around the virus sucked, too. A lot of family / friends elected not to go for health concerns. That is fine by me, of course. I’m not angry at people’s decisions for their health.

I’m not really looking for advice. Or to be told how I should be or shouldn’t be feeling, or to be informed that the worse is yet to come. I’m just simply acknowledging how I feel.... I miss her. I’m aching and growing and healing.
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Default Mar 23, 2020 at 10:52 AM
  #2
Dear Convalescence,

I am so very, very sorry for the ordeal you are undergoing due to the loss of your mother and all that entails and the additional burden of dealing with the SARS-COVID-19 virus.

What you are going through is just absolutely heartbreaking! I can't even imagine what you are suffering!

My mother is 88 years old and her loss would be huge to me. Sorry if my English is not very good.

Although I am not in your shoes and would not want to trespass on the absolute uniqueness of your experiences, I think your thoughts and feelings are very understandable. My heart goes out to you!

-- Yao Wen
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Default Mar 24, 2020 at 04:35 AM
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Grief Hitting Hard (Vent)
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Default Mar 31, 2020 at 05:42 PM
  #4
Hi convalescence. I am sincerely sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. It must be rough to lose her so young.

When I lost my dad 3 years ago, I found there are no magic ways to get through the pain. Life was topsy turvy. Even though I had 2 years notice that he would die as he entered the nursing home, it still hurt in ways I never imagined. The loss of a parent was something I was totally unprepared for. It was like part of my quest to have parental acceptance even though we were totally different came abruptly to a halt. It took me many many months to reinvent who I am in new terms without my dad and what I was hoping our relationship would be like.

I guess I am focusing on what I can do with my life now, but it has taken a few years to get here. I still appreciate all he did to prepare me for life and the challenges we all face.

Hope you stay well during this health crisis the world is facing now.

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Default Apr 04, 2020 at 10:01 PM
  #5
Both my parents and my MIL passed away just last year. It doesn't matter how old you are or they are, the loss is the same.

The only thing you can really do is slowly learn to live your life one day at a time despite a parent's abscense. Your mother would want you to carry on and work on having a happy life, that's what loving mother's really want for their child. What a child loves a mother and really misses her, then the mother has done her job well. Please focus on all the memories of her caring and kindness, that keeps her always with you.
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Default Apr 09, 2020 at 03:13 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by convalescence View Post
My mother passed away last Wednesday after a year and three month battle with pancreatic cancer. I felt relieved at first. Services were made quickly, and lots of family and friends came around and showed support. The memorial service and funeral went beautifully. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath. I’ve missed her even when she was alive... everything feels like a blur. There’s a wrenching in my gut. My head feels fuzzy. I’m quite young to be experiencing all of this. She was taken young, too. I’ve reached acceptance in the fact that I never denied her condition, and I know that she is gone from her physical presence. It doesn’t make me feel better necessarily, however she is no longer in pain.

This grief hits hard sometimes. This is my first major loss in my life and quite honestly I hate that there was nothing to do to prepare for grief. It’s a “walk on water or drown” situation. I feel thrown in the middle of it. I feel alone. I feel empty. Numb. Sadness. Sometimes anger. Sometimes overwhelmed by anxiety. What does my future hold? This is my new normal? It’s all new to me and so much has changed yet stayed the same.

To make the stress worse the pandemic really has me freaked, not for myself but for my family and friends who may not fight off the virus as easily as I could. Planning a funeral around the virus sucked, too. A lot of family / friends elected not to go for health concerns. That is fine by me, of course. I’m not angry at people’s decisions for their health.

I’m not really looking for advice. Or to be told how I should be or shouldn’t be feeling, or to be informed that the worse is yet to come. I’m just simply acknowledging how I feel.... I miss her. I’m aching and growing and healing.
Let me give you a hug I went through this myself. This is all normal.
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Default Apr 26, 2020 at 01:35 AM
  #7
Thank you to everyone & your kind AND reassuring words. It’s definitely been a struggle. I was already an anxious individual before, but this has made everything worse. It’s currently 2:30am, and nothing feels right. My anxiety and grief have been eating away at me to no end, and right now it’s hard to set up anything with the pandemic. Plus, going out is nerve wracking enough!! Just wish everything had occurred differently. Too close in time. One day I hope that we meet again.......
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Default May 03, 2020 at 02:49 PM
  #8
Hi convalescence. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds rough.

Before I lost my dad, he was in nursing home for 2 years because he could not ambulate and could not be taken care of at home. He kept losing abilities and slipping deeper into dementia. I thought the anticipation of losing him would prepare me for the loss but it did not.

After he died I thought I was handling it well and then parts of me that were holding out hope of his reconciling to me were lost. I had to face a new life living without him and all that that entailed.

Now 3 years later I am looking back and seeing that I had to reinvent who I thought I was and reinvent my life since it had been wrapped around seeing him and taking care of mom. The more I do self care, the less it hurts or the less I am aware of it. I have joined a couple grief support groups and that helped a lot.
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Last edited by CANDC; May 03, 2020 at 03:58 PM..
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