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Old 03-23-2020, 01:13 AM   #1
convalescence
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Default Grief Hitting Hard (Vent)

My mother passed away last Wednesday after a year and three month battle with pancreatic cancer. I felt relieved at first. Services were made quickly, and lots of family and friends came around and showed support. The memorial service and funeral went beautifully. Now Iím dealing with the aftermath. Iíve missed her even when she was alive... everything feels like a blur. Thereís a wrenching in my gut. My head feels fuzzy. Iím quite young to be experiencing all of this. She was taken young, too. Iíve reached acceptance in the fact that I never denied her condition, and I know that she is gone from her physical presence. It doesnít make me feel better necessarily, however she is no longer in pain.

This grief hits hard sometimes. This is my first major loss in my life and quite honestly I hate that there was nothing to do to prepare for grief. Itís a ďwalk on water or drownĒ situation. I feel thrown in the middle of it. I feel alone. I feel empty. Numb. Sadness. Sometimes anger. Sometimes overwhelmed by anxiety. What does my future hold? This is my new normal? Itís all new to me and so much has changed yet stayed the same.

To make the stress worse the pandemic really has me freaked, not for myself but for my family and friends who may not fight off the virus as easily as I could. Planning a funeral around the virus sucked, too. A lot of family / friends elected not to go for health concerns. That is fine by me, of course. Iím not angry at peopleís decisions for their health.

Iím not really looking for advice. Or to be told how I should be or shouldnít be feeling, or to be informed that the worse is yet to come. Iím just simply acknowledging how I feel.... I miss her. Iím aching and growing and healing.
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Old 03-23-2020, 10:52 AM   #2
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Default Re: Grief Hitting Hard (Vent)

Dear Convalescence,

I am so very, very sorry for the ordeal you are undergoing due to the loss of your mother and all that entails and the additional burden of dealing with the SARS-COVID-19 virus.

What you are going through is just absolutely heartbreaking! I can't even imagine what you are suffering!

My mother is 88 years old and her loss would be huge to me. Sorry if my English is not very good.

Although I am not in your shoes and would not want to trespass on the absolute uniqueness of your experiences, I think your thoughts and feelings are very understandable. My heart goes out to you!

-- Yao Wen
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Old 03-24-2020, 04:35 AM   #3
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Grief Hitting Hard (Vent)
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Old 03-31-2020, 05:42 PM   #4
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Default Re: Grief Hitting Hard (Vent)

Hi convalescence. I am sincerely sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. It must be rough to lose her so young.

When I lost my dad 3 years ago, I found there are no magic ways to get through the pain. Life was topsy turvy. Even though I had 2 years notice that he would die as he entered the nursing home, it still hurt in ways I never imagined. The loss of a parent was something I was totally unprepared for. It was like part of my quest to have parental acceptance even though we were totally different came abruptly to a halt. It took me many many months to reinvent who I am in new terms without my dad and what I was hoping our relationship would be like.

I guess I am focusing on what I can do with my life now, but it has taken a few years to get here. I still appreciate all he did to prepare me for life and the challenges we all face.

Hope you stay well during this health crisis the world is facing now.
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Old 04-04-2020, 10:01 PM   #5
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Both my parents and my MIL passed away just last year. It doesn't matter how old you are or they are, the loss is the same.

The only thing you can really do is slowly learn to live your life one day at a time despite a parent's abscense. Your mother would want you to carry on and work on having a happy life, that's what loving mother's really want for their child. What a child loves a mother and really misses her, then the mother has done her job well. Please focus on all the memories of her caring and kindness, that keeps her always with you.
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