The first year ..

Xonyx · Jul 11, 2020 at 06:38 PM

It's coming up on the one year mark of my mother's passing. I have not dealt with it on any level. I think I'm still removing my mind from it, if that makes any sense at all. My mother was not what one would consider "old" ... In fact, she could have had many more years ahead of her. But, it just didn't work out that way.

I find myself unsure of things that I wouldn't have thought twice about before her passing. I question everything. And I really mean everything. Picking every little word, suggestion and conversation apart. I did this some before, but now it's bad. It interferes with every aspect of my life.

But, even being fully aware of everything I just mentioned, I don't know how to move forward into a better way of coping.

Losing my mom has been the single most difficult thing that has ever happened to me. It just really feels like a part of my identity is gone

Jul 12, 2020 at 09:07 AM

I am so sorry you lost your mother.

I have lost both my grandparents and I never got to say goodbye to either of them. in the case of my grandmother, my mother stopped me from saying good bye (she is still to this day, a very abusive parent), and in the case of my grandfather he died at 3 A.M in the morning, I remember it like it was yesterday.. he fell off a roof and then died in the hospital.

and the call was such a shock. and at such a time

Jul 12, 2020 at 02:37 PM

A year can seem like forever but also like yesterday. Some say grief goes in stages but newer writing says we experience it in waves. And nowhere is it written that we can make sense of a loss in a certain amount of time. I've found when I had no conscious awareness of progress, the mourning process was advancing inside me like the current in a river. It keeps moving. So if I'm in the boat, I'm going forward no matter how confused I feel. The only issue is if I'm stuck in some backwater eddy just going in circles. Then I may need someone to give my boat a shove back into the stream by whatever loving way I can receive.

Skeezyks · Jul 12, 2020 at 02:50 PM

I'm sorry you are still struggling with this.

There is such a thing as "complicated grief". Here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject including a link to a quiz you can take to help you determine if what you are experiencing could be considered complicated grief:

What is Complicated Grief?

Change Your Thinking To Change Feelings of Hopelessness

Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck

Grief and Loss Quiz

Best wishes...

Travelinglady · Jul 17, 2020 at 09:46 PM

Welcome to Psych Central! My mom died several years ago. I still miss her, but I have my husband and women friends. But, yes, the first year is the toughest. You'll be okay. Just ask other folks her age for advice if you're unsure of things or maybe just other folks in general. You are not alone. Okay?

Xonyx · Jul 22, 2020 at 11:11 PM

Thanks so much, everyone. It really does feel better just knowing someone else understands. Tomorrow marks a year. I've been more depressed lately. I've talked to my doctor. She's suggested some things and increased my antidepressant medicine. One foot in front of the other.

CANDC · Jul 23, 2020 at 06:54 PM

@Xonyx I am sorry for the loss of your mother. It sounds rough.

I hear you about loss of identity. When my dad died 3 years ago I had to reinvent myself because some of the things I was living for like having them accept me the way I am were no longer valid since they were dead and I could no longer try to convince them to accept me. I think we were very different people and it was not that he would not accept me, he did accept me as best he could, but we were just very different people. So I am living more for self care and less for trying to get people to accept me.

Hope you get the support you are looking for. Feel free to reply and or personal message me. @CANDC

divine1966 · Jul 24, 2020 at 10:22 AM

I hear you and sending hugs. My mom passed a little over a year as well and it’s very difficult.

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The first year ..

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Travelinglady Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Sep 2010 Location: North Carolina Posts: 47,973 (SuperPoster!) 13 22.9k hugs given	Jul 17, 2020 at 09:46 PM #5 Welcome to Psych Central! My mom died several years ago. I still miss her, but I have my husband and women friends. But, yes, the first year is the toughest. You'll be okay. Just ask other folks her age for advice if you're unsure of things or maybe just other folks in general. You are not alone. Okay?
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Xonyx Junior Member Member Since Jun 2020 Location: United States Posts: 14 3 22 hugs given	Jul 22, 2020 at 11:11 PM #6 Thanks so much, everyone. It really does feel better just knowing someone else understands. Tomorrow marks a year. I've been more depressed lately. I've talked to my doctor. She's suggested some things and increased my antidepressant medicine. One foot in front of the other.
	Reply With Quote

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,362 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 10:22 AM #8 I hear you and sending hugs. My mom passed a little over a year as well and it’s very difficult.
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