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Ahnoid21
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Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Virginia
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Default Aug 14, 2020 at 11:28 AM
  #1
Today is Friday. I was told on Monday that my grandmother was gone. I've been trying to find a way to see her since she was put on hospice roughly two weeks ago, but I was told that i wasn't welcome. I reached out to anyone I could think of that might be able to understand or help me see her one last time before it was too late. But, unfortunately for me and my children, it is too late. My grandmother left this earth without my being able to tell her how much I've wanted to see her, hug her, laugh with her and sing to her. The worst part of it all is that I'm not sure what hurts more, because if I had been able to get there, would she have known who I was? If I had been able to get there, and she did know who I was, would she have wanted to see me, and could I finally tell her that I've been trying to see her for more than a year? I dont know if it hurts more that she's gone now, and I dont know what she really believed. I dont know if it hurts more that she's gone now or that my own mother shut me out and lied to everyone about me for more than 18 months, just because she knows it hurts. I miss my grandmom and everything about her, everything we had, and everything she saw in me...and i dont know if it hurts more that she is gone forever or if she was already taken from me long before she passed...I never got to say goodbye, and I'm still not able to. She's so evil that it hurts to be hopeful that my grandmom really was so afflicted with dementia that I consider her the lucky one. RIP my dearest gram...my kiddos love and miss you, but not nearly as much as I do.
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Default Aug 14, 2020 at 09:28 PM
  #2
Hi Ahnoid21. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry for the loss of your grand mom. She must have meant the world to you.

Since you did not see her for 18 months, you may have to dig through memories further back to think of the good times you had with her. Those are alive within you. I feel my grandparents really helped me find my way in life. They showed me how simple life could be so as I moved into this complex world, I could still have a life line to that simplicity.

I am sorry things are not on good terms with your mom. That can make grieving more complicated. And grieving can be an extended process. here are some articles that may help in the grieving process
Coping with Grief | Psych Central

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