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Old 09-13-2020, 09:35 PM   #1
17Dar
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Default Lost my mom and my baby

I lost my mom and my unborn baby at .6 weeks. Back in June. I think my body is finally wanting to grieve and I feel so alone!

I cry at night 😭. Christian music I used to enjoy brought me to absolute tears today.....I. Feel. So lost. I'm some stuff that I wish I could have mom to talk to,but she's gone and that makes it harder. I don't know what to do.
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Old 09-14-2020, 10:15 AM   #2
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Default Re: Lost my mom and my baby

I am so sorry. what a huge loss that was for you.

and a baby too, not even born.. I couldn't imagine it

if I ever had a baby (I don't plan too), that would be my worst nightmare

we are all here for you

pleas keep posting
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Old 09-14-2020, 03:05 PM   #3
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Hi, 17Dar. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses--especially so close together. I still miss my mother, although she was difficult to deal with.

We are here for you to talk to--although I know it's not quite the same. Do you go to a church where you can talk to the pastor and fellow parishioners?
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Old 09-15-2020, 03:55 PM   #4
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@17Dar welcome back to Psych Central. I am so sorry for your losses. That must be so rough to go through. Please feel free to reply to this post and keep telling us how you are doing.

These articles at this link may be of interest Coping with Grief | Psych Central
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Old 09-15-2020, 07:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: Lost my mom and my baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by 17Dar View Post
I lost my mom and my unborn baby at .6 weeks. Back in June. I think my body is finally wanting to grieve and I feel so alone!

I cry at night 😭. Christian music I used to enjoy brought me to absolute tears today.....I. Feel. So lost. I'm some stuff that I wish I could have mom to talk to,but she's gone and that makes it harder. I don't know what to do.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Take time for yourself.
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Old 09-15-2020, 09:23 PM   #6
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So sorry for your losses. There are no words...tears are the words.
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Old 09-15-2020, 09:55 PM   #7
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I'm so sorry for your losses
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Old 09-22-2020, 11:41 AM   #8
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Default Re: Lost my mom and my baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by 17Dar View Post
I lost my mom and my unborn baby at .6 weeks. Back in June. I think my body is finally wanting to grieve and I feel so alone!

I cry at night 😭. Christian music I used to enjoy brought me to absolute tears today.....I. Feel. So lost. I'm some stuff that I wish I could have mom to talk to,but she's gone and that makes it harder. I don't know what to do.

I can't imagine how much you must be hurting from such losses. I lost my mother years ago, and am still affected (I avoided and compartmentalized grieving). I suspect that it must still be very raw and fresh, and desperately devastating.

I know there is nothing I could say to really help ease the pain.

But, I can tell you about a few things I learned, that I wish someone had told me years ago...

It's okay to feel crazy, lost, forgetful, alone, to laugh, to cry, to rage--it's ALL normal, because if it's what you feel, it's what you NEED to feel.

The five stages of grief aren't real--at best they represent a spectrum of feelings that can happen at the same time, without order or logic.

There is NO "normal" time frame in which it's acceptable to grieve. People who haven't grieved, or who have but were forced to fit into some limited time to do so, have no idea that time isn't relevant when it comes to experiencing loss.

And after profound loss, there is no real "getting over it". That doesn't exist. There is the process of somehow getting through and out of the deepest angsts, eventually into a "new normal", and it can take however long YOU need it to take.

If the people around you have been backing away, possibly because they want to help but don't know how, you have every right to tell them exactly what you want or need. Sometimes it helps to just have quiet company, or a friend to hold you up while you deal with some errand that feels impossible to do alone. And it's okay for that friend to feel useless, because what matters is that the friend KEEPS BEING there.

I know you feel alone. I wish I could be there to show you that you're not alone, because I'm sure all of us here have felt much of the same desperate loss, like a heavy black pit of numb rage and pain, that feels like it will never go away...

It's okay to feel all of that. Colors may be muted, joyful things may no longer bring joy, random things may make you bawl and sob for no obvious reason at inappropriate times... It's ALL normal, because it's real for you.

It will, eventually, excruciatingly slowly, at some point, get less sharp, less heavy, less all-consuming. And that's okay, too...

You're not alone. We feel you, and it's okay.

- Scienna
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